Today I want to begin to introduce you to the team of women who design, create, implement, administrate, manage, and advise this blog we call He Speaks In The Silence. These are women who pray, asking God for wisdom, then use their gifts to craft beauty for all of us. And I think you need to know them!

So… for the next many weeks we’ll be posting a fun profile of who they are, what they do, what they love, who they love, how they live and lots more delicious details.

If you want to take a peak at the list of questions we all got to choose from, here it is.

ABI PORTER

I live in: off Alberta in NE Portland

I contribute to the blog by:

Photography and Kitchen posts here and there.

On my perfect day:

I would go on a brunch date with my husband, Josh, then go sit on the beach in Sauvies Island and read a good book.

Three of my favorite books/blogs are:

Books:

The glass castle

The night circus

A million little pieces

Blogs:

Oh happy day

Design sponge

Creature comforts

If I could spend a year anywhere in the world:

I would go to Paris. We’ve been there twice and I’m trying to convince him we need to live there for a year ;)

The next big challenge:

I'll be tackling is motherhood. Oy! So excited to have a little one this fall but already praying for wisdom daily!

The iPhone app I wouldn't want to live without is:

I’m a budgeting freak so definitely AceBudget

My favorite thing in my home: 

My vitamix. (or my cats!)

This year, God is revealing himself to me as:

Trustworthy. So often I forget to lean in and trust him through small trials and large yet he’s been so gracious even though I fail at this over and over.

One of my life scriptures is:

Philippians 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.

Where you can find me:

Website: www.vanillaandlace.com

Instagram: @vanillaandlace

Today I want to begin to introduce you to the team of women who design, create, implement, administrate, manage, and advise this blog we call He Speaks In The Silence. These are women who pray, asking God for wisdom, then use their gifts to craft beauty for all of us. And I think you need to know them!

So… for the next many weeks we’ll be posting a fun profile of who they are, what they do, what they love, who they love, how they live and lots more delicious details.

If you want to take a peak at the list of questions we all got to choose from, here it is.

ALLIE RICE

I live in:

Northeast Portland, in the Irvington neighborhood.

I contribute to the blog by:

Creating and maintaining the space where all these words and pictures live. In partnership with the team, I designed the layout for the blog, and I keep the technical behind-the-scenes pieces working smoothly.

This year, God is revealing himself to me as:

Redeemer. That was the name of God that I received at the women’s night in prayer this year, and he is showing me his desire to redeem things — things in me, things in my life, things in others — that I thought would be forever broken. The specifics of how he will redeem are still unclear in places, and I don’t know what it will look like over the weeks, months, and years to come — but I’m awed by the relentless, extravagant grace of God and his heart for sanctifying us to holiness, reconciling us to faithfulness, and restoring us to wholeness. His story is always the same: He is in the business of taking broken people and giving them life. “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you... For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” (Isaiah 43:1-2, 19)

My favorite Portland spots are:

Too numerous to count! I’ll try to narrow it down to three in each category...

Breakfast: Petite Provence, Tin Shed, Waffle Window

Food carts: Grilled Cheese Grill, Native Bowl, Pyro Pizza

Coffee: Costello’s Travel Caffe, Barista, JoLa

Sweets: Salt and Straw, Swirl, dessert at Irving Street Kitchen

Happy hour: Casa del Matador, Meriwether’s, The Station

Gifts: Ink and Peat, Branch and Birdie, Canoe

Casual date night: Por Que No, Kennedy School, The Blue Olive

Moderate ($$) date night: Nuestra Cocina, Toro Bravo, Piazza Italia

Fancy ($$$) date night: Veritable Quandary, Park Kitchen, St. Jack

One of my life scriptures is:

Zephaniah 3:17. I know this is a favorite for many, and with good reason; it speaks powerfully into every season of life. “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.”

My Myers-Briggs/Enneagram/love languages are:

I’m Enneagram Type 2 (“The Helper”) with a 1-wing (“The Servant”). On Myers-Briggs, I’m an INFJ (“The Protector” or “The Foreseer Developer”) — with a maxed-out, yes-to-every-question J. My primary love language is Words of Affirmation.

When I was young, I wanted to grow up and be:

A veterinarian. When other kids were playing doctor on their dolls, I was playing vet on my stuffed animals, complete with Ace bandages and a stethoscope.

The person who has had the biggest influence on me is:

My mom. She is a woman truly after God’s own heart and has set an amazing example of godly motherhood and wifehood since I was a little girl. She gave me freedom to be my own person and security in who I am as a woman, a daughter, and a child of God. Her heart is filled with a joy that I will spend my entire life trying to emulate. I assign such high value to generosity, humility, family, beauty, and grace because of my mom and the way she holds these things as sacred. There is not one thing in my life that would be the same had she not prayed big, honest, faithful, life-giving prayers, day in and day out, for the last 28 years — and I know this is only the tip of the iceberg. Prayers that I don’t even know about, that she has already prayed, and that she continues to pray, will define my life every day of every week of every year for the rest of my life.

My lifestyle, in three words:

Thoughtful, graceful, grateful.

What I really want every woman to know is:

You are a dearly beloved child of the living God. That is your identity — not your sin, not your flesh, not your past. He made you, he knows you, he sees you — and he pursues you, not because of who you are or what you’ve done but because of who he is and what he has created you to be. Stop striving to live up to your identity; you’ve already received it. Instead, live in your identity in the Spirit. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Where you can find me:

Website: http://www.alliecreative.com

Twitter: @alliecreative

Instagram: @alliecreative

Today I want to begin to introduce you to the team of women who design, create, implement, administrate, manage, and advise this blog we call He Speaks In The Silence. These are women who pray, asking God for wisdom, then use their gifts to craft beauty for all of us. And I think you need to know them!

So… for the next many weeks we’ll be posting a fun profile of who they are, what they do, what they love, who they love, how they live and lots more delicious details.

If you want to take a peak at the list of questions we all got to choose from, here it is.

And since  every single woman on this team is reluctant to go first, they insisted I jump in ahead of them to make sure the water’s not too deep!

From my heart,

Diane

I live in:

Tigard, in a house in the suburbs that I keep trying to make into a cottage in the country…

I contribute to the blog by:

Dreaming, thinking, praying, pondering, creating the team, studying, loving… and writing the content.

This year, God is revealing himself to me as:

Lover. And I gulp a little as I say that. Years ago I read a biography of a Victorian-era single missionary woman who claimed the Song of Songs as her favorite book of the Bible. Although she read the words primarily as an allegory of her relationship with God, (most scholars believe it is first and foremost an intimate look at real love the way God designed it) I was intrigued by the audacity of seeing Him as my Lover. And now I’m beginning to get it. To understand that His love for me is jealous, all-consuming, pursuing, protective, intimate, knowing, tender, accepting, and, in a beautiful way, just a little blind. He loves me (and you!) for who I am. Amazing. Magnificent. Life changing.

My favorite Portland spots are:

For wandering: Forest Park, the Rose Garden, the Japanese Garden, Bishop’s Close.

For eating: I love to try new places… small places… Northwest cuisine is fresh and innovative and down-to-earth and just so good.

For a good cup of tea: Smith’s Tea is a quiet, peaceful place.

For shopping for my home: Sellwood’s many vintage shops, full of a fun mixture of junk and beauty.

For a fun day of shopping with a friend: NW 23^rd area, every shop is lovely and girly.

For a romantic dinner with Phil: Piazza Italia in the Pearl, so authentically Italian.

If I could spend a year anywhere in the world, I would go to:

For winter: I’d hole up in a cabin in Bear Valley, California. It stays snowed in all winter so I’d hibernate and write a book…

For spring: I’d choose someplace with wildflower strewn meadows and gentle sunshine, a farm maybe…where I could play around with writing another book…

For summer: I’d find a cozy cottage in the Lake District of Northern England. I’d wander the hills, read fairy tales, maybe even write a magical, mystical story for my grandkids…

For fall: I’d want a coastal hideaway on a wild and stormy beach. Maybe on the ocean side of Vancouver Island, or tucked into a cove near Carmel Highlands where I could take long walks on the beach and read great books and dream about writing one of my own…

One of my life scriptures is:

Psalm 40

I waited patiently for the Lord;
And He inclined to me and heard my cry.

He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay,
And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.

He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; 
Many will see and fear
And will trust in the Lord.

The person who has had the biggest influence on me is:

No doubt about it, my husband. Phil has taught me and led me and loved me and shown me what it means to walk with God for more than three decades. He has allowed me to be myself even when the me-that-I-am-is sometimes peculiar and forgetful and introverted and intense.

The next big challenge I’m tackling is:

Slowing down to do just a few things well. Letting go of doing some of the things I love in order to keep my soul in a place of rest. Daring to trust God by creating space to listen to His words and to write what I hear.

On my perfect day I would:

Get up early…fix myself a pot of Marco Polo tea…read and listen, write and dream for a long while…putter around my home…take a long meandering walk with my dog, Jackson… go out to a late lunch at one of Portland’s food carts with Phil… walk around the city at night when the lights are just coming on… go home and go to bed early with a good book… and find time in there to write some thoughts about something…

Something I love to do every year is:

Go to my parent’s home high in the Sierra Nevadas. The view off the back deck is breathtaking! As we’re driving up highway 4 through the Gold Country on our way there, both of us start to relax, breathing in the fragrance of a place that has been a refuge for us. When we get there we love to hike and swim in the river and picnic by the stream that runs right through the town of Murphy’s. I read fun books, we take naps, watch movies, eat fresh foods, take long walks and dream big dreams. Some of our favorite memories as a family center around that little mountain town.

What I really want every woman to know is:

That real rest, real satisfaction, real hope and delight comes in that intimate closeness the Father longs to have with us. And that He speaks there- words that He wants us to hear- wisdom for life, for love, for happiness.

Where you can find me:

Website: www.hespeaksinthesilence.com

Twitter: @dianewcomer

Instagram: @dianecomer

(source)

I sit beside my mom in a hospital far from home.

Her recovery from the removal of an acoustic neuroma[1] has been tortuously full of tension and worry— very step haunted by unexpected disappointments.

I’ve cried my contacts into shreds, grieving for her loss of dignity and control. To go from her vibrantly sassy self, into a shell of who she is over the course of just a few days has left those of us who love her dismayed, shocked, exhausted by a roller coaster ride of grief.

With every new shift of nurses and caretakers I start over with my litany of mom. I want them to know her as she is, not as she seems right now in this broken moment.

I describe her artistry as a quilter, her love of her family and loyalty to her friends. How her great grandkids named her, “Great”, because she is great. And because she brings them great presents and delights in who they are.

Great is an appropriate  name for my mom.

Then I tell them how she joked with the neurosurgeons just minutes before wheeling into the operating room. Their startled laughter at this fragile patient teasing them about their sober minded seriousness, my knowledge of her underlying terror at what they were about to do.

And as I help her back to herself, I remember…

Cookies coming out of the oven, timed to perfection right when we came home from school. Sweet rolls on Christmas morning, countless lunches all those years of school, and what amazes me the most: a home cooked dinner every single night. Fast food never once sat on our table, she would have been appalled at the idea.

I remember sitting beside her as she sewed ball gowns for my Barbies, then later my prom dress and eventually matching dresses for my daughters.

And all those hours of talking.

Late at night when I was a self-conscious, socially awkward teenager. The after dinner phone calls when I was lonely for her closeness, and lived far away.  And that early morning frantic call when Matthew was so sick and I was so afraid.

She listened to me for hours… and hours… and hours.

I remember her once saying:  For such a quiet girl, Diane can sure talk!

 Indeed.

And then in those years when it was all I could do to keep my head above water with four kids and a husband traveling all over the world, she’d welcome me back into her home for my annual Mom’s Break. While Phil held down the fort at home, Mom treated me to a retreat aimed to fill me full and send me back refreshed.

I’d sit on the back deck of their beautiful home overlooking the Sierras and just soak in the peace and sunshine. She’d cook and bake and fill her clawfoot tub full for a hot bubble bath. Then she’d turn back the covers on my bed and turn on the electric heating blanket.

All that Love Does, as Bob Goff so adamantly reminds us.

Mom did.  And so now here I am doing a little love back.

Funny how that works.

And maybe we need to remember that when the kids are squabbling and the house is a mess and there’s too much work for one woman to keep up with.

Because I know we drove my mom nuts sometimes. Lots of times. I remember a meltdown or two, that frustration spilling over as we pushed those buttons every kid is born knowing how to push.

But what sticks in my mind in these moments is all the doing she did for us.  And I find myself wanting to do back.

To be tender for all the times she gently talked my fears away.

To rub her back like she rubbed mine.

To tell her she’s beautiful even though she knows it cannot be true. Just like she told me I was beautiful when my mirror told a different story.

 And isn’t there a glowing beauty in skin gently aged by all that doing?

Dear girls, to be a doing kind of mother is to be beautiful in a way that cannot be covered by age or trauma or brokenness.

My mother will always be beautiful. She earned those creases by doing love so much and so often its permanently etched on her face.

And so many of you need to know that now while you’re in those doing years. There is a day of payback. A time when your sons and your daughters will feel the honor of giving back to you a tiny bit of what you gave to them.

My mother would never have believed that when I was a sassy teenager. But it’s true!

There has been a God-given glow about these days of doing for my mom. A sense that He is here and He is pleased and He is guiding me and delighting in what is happening in this hospital room. And maybe laughing a little too as He remembers the grief I gave to mom way back when.

And so here I sit. I wait for her to come back to us. To laugh and tease and sass in that way of hers I love.  To finally know that all that doing she did is coming back to do a little back.

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. Thank you for praying for my mom. The notes and emails and texts of love have boosted me when my spirit wavered. We have a long road ahead of us but we've put our hope in the One who loves-- the One who does love.

---

[1] a benign tumor that was pushing against her brain

(source)

An invitation to the women of Solid Rock

I believe most women love learning. I'd even go as far to say that most women, who follow Jesus, enjoy feeling their spirits sore while learning more about Him and His Kingdom.

There's something about studying the Scriptures with the purpose of getting to know our Yahweh together that ignites followers of Jesus!

I just love gleaning wisdom from those that know the Scriptures well and share perspectives on passages that I have never heard.

2 Timothy 2v15 comes to mind which says, "Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth."

As women of Solid Rock, I know you as well as I want to know the truth well.

If this is you, if this is true, let me tell you about four up-coming opportunities you will love!

The House of Learning of Solid Rock is inviting you to four separate Saturday Seminars.

These Saturday Seminars will be free of charge!

They will be taught by Bill Mounce, George Guthrie, Darrell Bock and Craig Blomberg--all of whom are leading authors and experts in their respective fields and will be presenting all the way from biblical translations to the historical Jesus.

The dates are April 13, May 4, July 13, September 14.

On April 13th from 9:00am - 12:00pm at Solid Rock Westside, we are bringing in Dr. Bill Mounce (President of www.biblicaltraining.org and a Western Seminary Professor) to do a seminar titled "Why are Bibles so different?: Learning about translations and the texts behind the English."

I hope you can make it,

Sign up here! (no childcare provided)

Grace & peace,

Kristi Administrative Assistant Solid Rock

 “And the angel of the Lord…came…and sat upon the stone.” 

Matthew 28v2

The stone stood as a silent sentinel, blocking the entrance to the cave. On the other side, or so she thought, lay Jesus, her Lord. And wrapped up with Him lay all her shattered hopes and dreams. Dead.

She’d come to say good-bye - farewell to faith.

She’d come to grieve - to let go of the hope that had held her in such wild expectation every time He talked.

It was over now. Best to be done with it and cope with reality…

deal with drudgery…

face her future…

But that stone blocked her way.

Falling to the ground in a heap of defeated despair, pulling her knees tight against her chest, she rocked back and forth, back and forth, as her sobs filled the early morning air.

Why… 

was…

life…

so… 

hard…?

Waves of grief shook her. Years of hurt overwhelmed her reason, spilling out upon the unyielding realities of that stone. There was nothing to do but die.

Somewhere in the periphery of her mind she sensed movement, but her sorrow was too great to stop and listen. But there...

A sound...A scrape.

Was that a cough?

Her sobs slowed, again a noise.

Fear froze her. Oh no, what now?

Slowly, hesitantly, as if she could wait away the next disaster, she looked up.

An angel sitting on the stone,

that gargantuan…

immovable…

uncontrollable mountain of impossibilities…

And the stone was moved…just like that.

Is a stone blocking your way to life? To peace? To joy? Have you worn yourself out trying to push it away? Have you exhausted your soul trying everything to change your circumstances? Are you sweaty and angry and defeated and discouraged? Have you lost hope?

Sit still awhile. Sit at the tomb of your tomorrows and let yourself grieve what might have been…should have been. Cry it all out.

And when you’re done,

listen…

shhh…

quiet…

be still…

In the ashes of your grief, in the failure of your fantasies of how life ought to be, sits Jesus. In dazzling white He sits atop that stone…

immune to impossibilities…

with a different idea of the ideal.

And while you’re there, let Him fill you with His hope and His dreams. Let Him store those tears away, pack up your past, relinquish your regrets, and give you a new start, a new life … a renewed hope.

After all, He rolled away that stone.

From my heart,

Diane

Can you tell me what hope has come out of your ashes? Is there a story you really need to tell to point all the rest of us to His hope? Please do.

I'm working this morning with Phil on the seminar on the Spiritual Training of children. We're hunched over the computer trying to edit 50+ pages of material into 50 minutes of teaching. Back and forth, over and over making those hard calls. Do we include this? Should we cut it? What about so-and-so? Won't this help? Is it too basic? Too wordy? While I'm working away on this for the next few months I'm going to post some tidbits here in Glimpses each week. Just overflow information that I wish I'd understood all those years ago when my children were being shaped into the people they would become.

Here's a list of less-than-obvious manifestations of anger in children. If you see some of these habits cropping up in your son or daughter (or yourself!), might I suggest that you ask the Father for wisdom and insight into your child's heart? Anger left to simmer works havoc with a child's happiness. And sometimes all it takes is a mama willing to slow down and deal decisively and prayerfully with it before its too late.

Manifestations of Anger: 

• It can be an obvious temper tantrum,
• It can be more subtle like irritability or self-pity.
• It can look like a resentful attitude or
• A pattern of way over-reacting to minor incidents
• Sometimes it is the child who sulks and withdraws. You don’t think of her as angry because she doesn’t necessarily lash out, hers is a more simmering, stuffed down form of anger.
• Lots of angry boys lash out and hit someone, or they bang their fist on the desk.

Some Scriptures to guide you:

“BE ANGRY, AND YET DO NOT SIN; DO NOT LET THE SUN GO DOWN ON YOUR ANGER, AND DO NOT GIVE THE DEVIL AN OPPPORTUNITY.” (EPH. 4:26-27)

“LET ALL BITTERNESS AND WRATH AND ANGER AND CLAMOR AND SLANDER BE PUT AWAY FROM YOU ALONG WITH ALL MALICE” (EPH. 4:31)

We taught our kids that no one can make you angry, anger is a choice.

 Yes, things will happen that will upset you, but we taught them that...

My response is my responsibility. 

I cannot understate the importance of teaching this truth to your children NOW, before they swallow the two-sided lie:

1. That it is someone else’s fault that I am angry. (that is what abusers say)

2. That it is my fault when someone is angry with me. (this is what victims of abuse believe)

Praying for all of you as you shepherd this next generation,

Diane

For weeks and months now I’ve been writing Letters To My Son, a series of answers to his question, posed a year or so ago,  “Mom, what should I look for in a wife?”

Such a simple question.  Such a long and involved way of answering.

I think he assumed I’d answer by talking, the way mothers do, about beauty being more than skin deep and all the fine qualities a good woman should have.

And I suspect he thought all this talking would take an hour or so.  At the most.

And now I’m finally just about talked out.  Thirty-five letters and ten months later.

I’ve loved your responses, mulled over your questions, treasured your insights. What has emerged from my mail is a generation of men and women who want to do relationships right. Who’ve seen what happens when a man and a woman mess up.

And you want more for yourself.

You have astounded me by your willingness to read and learn and ask questions and gather wisdom and wait for the right time.  You have no idea how honored I’ve been to be a part of the conversation.

But now I think its time to talk about some other things.

Because, you see, I’m hoping all this talk about dating and marriage and falling in love and honoring God and each other will actually lead to some of you falling in love and getting married!

And so, at the urging of some of my advisors...

(part of our blog team: Elizabeth, Kristi, Abi and Fallon)

and my niece, Brittany...

I am embarking on a new series.

A series I’m calling He’s Not Your Prince Charming.

While the Letters were written for men about women,

this new series will be written for women about men.

I'll be attempting to explain what I’ve seen and to make sense of what the Bible says about how men work and what they’re called to and why its sometimes so hard to fit our lives with theirs.

Now I am certainly no expert on men or marriage or much of anything else. I’m just me- a woman,  a wife, a mom. You know my story, how God allowed my me to go deaf and in turn taught me what it means to listen.

And since that near failure of my faith and the subsequent failure of my hearing, I have focused on listening to God in the everyday messiness of life and relationships.

And in all that listening, I’ve gathered some things to pass on to you. About what love really looks like, about conflict and communication, about honesty and humility and intimacy. I want to tell you how I found  joy in the midst of tension and rest in spite of my perfectionism. I want you to know that marriage can be both a crucible for building character and a refuge from all that performance-based scrutiny that is real life.

But first, I want to tell you more of my story.

Because this will be a series of letters to my girls about things like finding satisfaction and dealing with disappointments and learning how to love the men in our lives with skill and wisdom.

A mixed bag of lessons learned along the way of listening with both my Bible and my heart wide open.

So for the next couple of weeks I’ll be inviting you into the intimacies of how I met and fell in love with Phil all those years ago. I’ll tell you what I saw in him, why I fell in love, and what I thought my life would be.

And I’ll let you know mistakes I made and lies I believed. I’ll tell you what I was thinking then and what I think now. How I’ve changed and what I wish I’d known.

Most of all I will remind you over and over again that fairy tales are not real life. That our stories include great beauty and dark disappointments.

That falling in love is not the end of the happily ever after, but the beginning of learning to love our neighbors as ourselves.

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. I’d love to hear your questions. Though I’ll not be able to answer every one (partly because I don’t know!), I will attempt to include answers in every post.

I promise to pray and ponder and listen in the hopes that we can mine for God’s wisdom together.

On Christmas Eve every year our family gathers ‘round to read the Christmas Story. We’ve read wonderfully illustrated classics, children’s stories, board books, and even the comic book version. Yet nothing quite delights the soul like reading straight from the Scriptures— right off the pages of Luke and Matthew.

Many years ago I wove those author’s words together with the idea of putting their stories in chronological order so that my children could hear the whole story from start to finish. Now we read it with our ministry team at Solid Rock- dividing the paragraphs so we get to hear everyone’s voice weave the mystery of God’s story into our hearts.

May His words fill your home with delight and wonder this Christmas.

From my heart,

Diane

If you'd like to print this story to read with your family, click here to download a printable PDF.

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This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about:

v26-27 In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary.

v28-30 The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.” Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God.“

v31-33 “You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end.”

v34-37 “How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?” The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. For nothing is impossible with God.”

v38-40 “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May it be to me as you have said.” Then the angel left her. At that time Mary got ready and hurried to a town in the hill country of Judea, where she entered Zechariah’s home and greeted Elizabeth.

v41-43 When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. In a loud voice she exclaimed: “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?

v44-45 As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!” And Mary said:

v46-55 “My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant.

From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me— holy is His name.

His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation. He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; He has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble.

He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty. He has helped his servant Israel, remembering to be merciful to Abraham and his descendants forever, even as he said to our fathers.”

v56 Mary stayed with Elizabeth for about three months and then returned home.

---

v19-21 Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said,

“Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”

v22-25 All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet:

“The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel”—which means, “God with us.”

When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.

---

v1-3In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to his own town to register.

v4-7 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

v8-9 And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.

v10-12 But the angel said to them,

“Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

v13-15 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.” When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

v16-18 So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them.

v19-20 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

---

v1-2After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, “Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star in the east and have come to worship him.”

v3-4 When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him. When he had called together all the people’s chief priests and teachers of the law, he asked them where the Christ was to be born.

v5-6 “In Bethlehem in Judea,” they replied, “for this is what the prophet has written: “‘But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, are by no means least among the rulers of Judah; for out of you will come a ruler who will be the shepherd of my people Israel.’”

v7-8 Then Herod called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared. He sent them to Bethlehem and said, “Go and make a careful search for the child. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him.”

v9-11 After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen in the east went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were overjoyed.

On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh.

GENERATIONS…what every woman ought to know about

authentic, life changing BELIEF

On Saturday, May 19^th, the women of Solid Rock are going to gather together to hear a woman I greatly admire tell Her Story.

You’re not going to want to miss this!

Wendy Palau is a beautiful woman; a woman of deep faith and warmth and love for God and His people. While her husband travels to the far corners of the world to bring the truth and hope of the Gospel, Wendy mostly stays home and lives that truth and offers that hope to her own world of teenagers and toddlers and carpools and neighbors.

And she does it with such beauty it fairly takes my breath away.

Will you come and hear?

Will you bring someone who needs hope?

Will you come and relish the sheer femininity of our morning together while you enjoy the flowers and candles and deliciousness we’re putting together just because we love being women? And because we love you?

I hope so…

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. I’m bringing my mom! She’ll be here for a visit and we’re going to share one of those all-too-rare treasures of mother-daughter-granddaughter-greatgranddaughter moments.

Details, details, details…

When: Saturday May 19^th from 9 to 11 AM… or whenever you decide to go on home!

Who: Females of any size, shape, or age as long as you’re able to sit a while and listen without too much wiggling or giggling…

Where: Westside only… we just couldn’t find a great place to meet downtown this time.

How much: $5 so we can do it up real nice

What: A light breakfast, coffee, flowers, beauty, delight, prayer, talking, loving, worship, and teaching straight from the Word of God into women’s hearts.

Some time ago a young woman I am close to asked me that haunting question,

 “How do I know he’s the one?” 

She’d thought the decision to get married should have been easier or at least clearer. Here she was, after months and months of dating a really great guy, still unsure, still not knowing if he was the one.

Why didn’t she know?

Did that not knowing constitute an answer in itself?

Shouldn’t she know by now?

On and on the confusion spilled out in a frustrating and peace eluding expression of angst.

My young friend wanted to know and the not knowing had left her paralyzed, uptight, and anxious.

It strikes me that those of us who live and move in the midst of our ultra-romantic, destiny driven church culture have some really crazy ideas about marriage.

We’ve got Prince Charming standing in for this elusively named The One and we expect him to come charging into our lives on his white steed.

Crazy as it sounds, rather than feeling kidnapped, we’re supposed to miraculously know he’s HIM!

No wonder the world thinks we’re nuts- maybe we are!

A century or so ago, a wise Amish woman came up with a simple saying to help people who want to know. 

Choose your love

Love your choice.

And that, my dear friends, is reality. We get to choose. As in, make a decision.

And as with every well-made decision, we need to ask ourselves questions—lots and lots of questions. The kinds of questions that make us think and utilize that often-neglected left side of the brain God gave us.

A little less romanticizing and a lot more reasoning.

And so I went about writing down some questions for my friend. Questions meant to probe her heart and her mind.

Questions to help choose her love so that she could spend the rest of her life loving her choice.

If you’re contemplating that How do I know? Question right now, why don’t you peruse these questions? There is no such thing as two perfectly suited people, but there is such thing as two really mismatched people. These questions are designed to make you think, to force you into honesty, and to help you choose well.

From my heart,

Diane

Dear ******

These questions to ask yourself- not some sort of interview form. They are meant to probe your heart and gauge the potential for oneness in every area of your lives. And because I believe that oneness is God’s goal for marriage, these questions are intended to help you discern how easy or how difficult that might be for you and ****.

Oneness is never easy. And conflict is inevitable, no matter how hard we work to avoid it.

If the conflict is not harmful to your soul, and if both of you are softened by it, then the conflict can actually be good.

If the areas of conflict require too great of changes in your personalities and goals and in the vision you each have for your lives, then it ruins that trust-filled haven your lives together must be in order for you each to flourish.

And yet two people can be vastly different in their personalities and approaches and yet “just click” in such a way that it is as if two broken pieces come together to make a whole.

That is what a great marriage looks like— two distinctly different people fitting together to become one.

But because marriage is about more than logic, first I think you need to ask your heart a few questions…

• Are you flat out head-over-heals, can’t live without him in love with him? As in… the rest of your life no-matter-what?
• Are you at home with him? At rest? Able to show your whole self without shame? Confident? Real?
• Do you trust him? To cover for you, to be faithful to you, to be transparently honest with you, to hide nothing from you?
• Are you “more yourself” with him in his presence or do you shut down certain parts of you?
• Do you flourish with him?

If you’re still on board, here are some real life areas where people rub up against each other on a daily basis.  Use this as more of an over all check list than a test to gauge that impossible ideal of perfection.

Vision:

• Does he have some sort of vision for his life? If not, is he on the way to discovering that vision by actively seeking God and asking people and looking at his strengths and passions?
• Can you embrace that vision? Pouring all of who you are into it?
• Can you see yourself as a help to him? Can he?
• How much involvement will he want of you in his career/calling?
• Are you okay with that? Excited?
• Would you be willing to lay aside your own ambitions to help him succeed?
• Would he respect and value your part in God’s plan for his future?

Spiritually:

• Do you track with his insights?
• Does he understand yours?
• Do you love to pray with him?
• Does he bring out the best in you spiritually?
• Encourage you?
• Remind you of the Truth and right thinking?
• Does he know more about doctrine (Truth) and theology (who God is and how He works) than you do?
• If not, is he learning so ferociously that he will soon by-pass you in knowledge?
• Does he take from his storehouse of Scriptural truth and apply it to problems, concerns, and purposes?
• Are his goals Scripturally based?
• Are you excited at the prospect of throwing yourself behind his goals and helping him with all your intelligence and creativity and gifts?
• Does he respect your viewpoint? Welcome your input? Listen to you?
• Will you have a common goal? What is it?

Financially:

• What are his financial aims? Is he taking steps now to achieve those aims?
• Do you trust him to lead in the financial/budget area?
• Do you trust him to put you and your children’s financial well-being above his own personal needs? To lay down his life for you?
• Do you trust him to do whatever it takes to provide for you so that you can pour every effort into caring for your family while your children need you at home?
• Or will he view you as necessary to produce income for your family? Are you okay with that?
• Does he see his paycheck as both of yours? Making all financial decisions together no matter what?
• Would he abstain from making a financial decision without your support?
• Does he see himself as a steward of all that God provides?
• Can the two of you blend your ideas of an ideal standard of living?

Emotionally:

• What does he do when he gets upset? When he’s under intense pressure? When he’s tired?
• How does he handle defeat? Discouragement? Obstacles? Disappointments?
• Can you live with those responses without being hurt/rejected/defensive or brought low by them?
• Can you live with his flaws without trying to change him?
• Can you allow him to be fully himself?
• Can he live with who you really are? Or does he pressure you to be more______ or less ______?
• Does your way of expressing yourself delight him or does he try to shut you down?
• Does he humble himself and apologize?
• Does he freely forgive you when you apologize?
• Is he transparent with you?
• Does he admit need?
• Does he allow you to carefully and respectfully correct him?
• Does he correct you with gentleness?

Socially:

• Are you proud of him?
• In social settings do you feel the need to prompt him, lead him, explain him?
• Do you relax in similar ways?
• Can you allow each other to be different?
• Do you enjoy the way he celebrates the highs? Can you enter into his joy?
• Can he enter into your joys?

Life:

• Can you solve problems together in a satisfying way?
• Can you make decisions together in a satisfying way?

Physically:

• Are you attracted to him? Do you find him appealing?
• Are you drawn to the way he is made-the way he smells, the way he looks, the way he expresses affection?
• Could you give your body freely to him?
• Could you delight in him? Could he delight in you?
• Is there anything about him that repels you?
• Is he affectionate enough for you? (I’m not talking about passion here, but that day-to-day affection most women crave)
• Do you feel free and confident in his view of your beauty?
• Could you grow old with this man and still find him compellingly attractive?
• Could you grow old with this man and still feel absolutely lovely?

Random considerations:

• Does he share or at least encourage your kind of learning?
• Will he continue to educate himself? To learn and grow?
• Does he look forward to having children?
• Do you share common goals for what you want to see happen in your children’s lives?
• Does he have a burning conviction to raise his sons and daughters to love God with passion?
• Do you have similar ideas about discipline?

GENERATIONS…what every woman ought to know about

BEAUTY.

Just a few days ago the daughter of my daughter was born… Scarlet Ruth Mosser…

She is beautiful and wanted and prayed for. Brook is sure she looks like him… Phil thinks that’s hogwash… she looks like his mom, Ruth… I think she looks just like Elizabeth as a baby…

Two weeks ago my first granddaughter arrived from Africa.

I think she looks just like me!

I’ve hoped for her and prayed for her and longed for this little girl for so many months that when she finally arrived and John Mark called to say Come on over, I was all in a dither.  Torn between wanting to jump in the car and defy all speed limits to get there as fast as I could… and wanting, needing, to take the time to fuss and polish and paint and curl and spray myself into just the right first impression for this little woman who will be in my life for a long, long time.

I wanted to be beautiful.

Of course.

And even though I know that great sages from who-knows-when say that…

Beauty is more than skin deep.

And…

Beauty is as beauty does.

And…

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I still wanted to be beautiful.

And so does every other woman I know.

That’s why the women of Solid Rock are going to gather together on Saturday, April 21rst to talk about Beauty.

Because beauty matters.

Because every one of us wants to be beautiful.

And because God’s Word has a lot… and I do mean a lot, to say about Beauty.

And I think its time we talked about it.

And… time you all met my beautiful grand-girls. Sunday and Scarlet are going to be there with their mamas… and with me. Hope you can come too!

From my heart,

Diane

Oh, the details…

When?

Saturday, April 21

What time?

Westside 9 am - 11 am

Downtown 7 pm - 9 pm 

Where?

Solid Rock Westside 10500 SW Nimbus Ave, Tigard, OR (no sign ups necessary)

Solid Rock Downtown 1233 SW 10th Ave, Portland OR (space is limited, please sign up via the church office)

Cost?

$5      

We cannot offer childcare but nursing babies are always welcome.

Today we have a guest post from a young woman whose transparent search for meaning and value led her to discover her own unique beauty. And since in just a few days the women of Solid Rock will be gathering together to study what the Scriptures have to say about beauty, I thought her story might just resonate with you as it has with me.

At the end of her story, Lauren throws out a few questions that beg answers. Will you take a moment to talk to us, to tell us where you are on your own search for beauty? And then will you come along with us this Saturday morning on the Westside and Saturday evening Downtown to talk some more? I can hardly wait to share with you what I've been learning and how God has surprised me with His wisdom and His reasons for creating His beauty in each of us.

From my heart,

Diane

I couldn’t have been more than six. I stood in the bathroom mirror, close enough for my nose to fog up the glass, questioning God. I stared so deep into my own eyes it almost made me dizzy. I searched my hair, my eyebrows and lips for signs that would tell me the future.  What would I look like in a few years and who would I be?

I saw the girlish face staring back at me, the downy hair and soft skin, unblemished by time. What I really wanted to know is what I would be admired for, good at or even proud of? What would define me at 16?  I couldn’t wrap my mind around the immensity of that age. Though I knew the numbers carried significance, they seemed light years away.

After realizing that I could not will myself an answer from staring intently into the mirror, I walked away. But I did not abandon the questions that lingered there.….

As I arrived at the intersection of adolescence and adulthood sometime around early middle school, I looked to my peers to define my self-worth. But as it turns out, middle school kids have ruthless whims of both acceptance and rejection.

And if you were anything like me during this life stage, being “thin” wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Having a slight figure for most of my life, I’ve still often accused my body for being “wrong.” Somehow in this culture, it is acceptable to be ridiculed and picked apart for being too skinny, and I weathered enough off-colored comments in my middle school years to know it! Chicken legs; bobble head; money arms.

Turns out my gangly limbs weren’t near enough coordinated to cut a good softball swing or to make a basket, which only resulted in further embarrassment in front of my peers. I just couldn’t do it right. I was an artistic kid, writing journals and illustrated books since kindergarten.

As my peers steadily excelled in athleticism, I felt goofy and left behind. My 7^th grade year is about the time I wanted to hide under the bleachers in avoidance of gym class, consumed with nervous energy even at the thought of others noticing how awkward I was in my mesh gym shorts and oversized tee shirt.

Not to mention that middle school is the place where once nice girls suddenly turn mean. It was a well established understanding in my heart by then that I didn’t have “it” whatever “it” was and one girl in particular let me know it. I recall being in art class, my favorite hour of the day, only to hear her persistent mocking over my shoulder at every detail I added to the page. She hated me, and I wasn’t even sure why.

The other girls chimed in on their way back to class, giggling and glancing back at me as I walked alone.  Nothing can diffuse the budding self-confidence of a girl more than this kind of treatment. I wanted to win their approval so desperately, but at the same time protect myself from being utterly demolished by their expectations. Nothing I did was right. Why couldn’t I do it right?

That question plagued me, and I’m sure countless other girls, even the ones that made fun of me. Maybe for someone else it wasn’t sports, it was not having a date to the dance, or being responsible for the odd, dysfunctional family that embarrassed them at parent teacher conferences. Either way, it’s unfortunate that sometimes these kinds of bad experiences can shape our hearts to long for the affection of others before seeking our Heavenly Father, who loves us unconditionally.

High school years were looking up for me as I transferred schools to the neighboring town to gain more from their larger academic offerings and best of all, to enter their competitive dance program. Jazz, Ballet and Hip Hop classes was the air I breathed five days a week, and I found a self-confidence bursting forth on stage that never materialized with a ball and mitt.

I was so relieved to finally be good at something, to escape the tyrannical scrutiny of that girl clique that had poked lies into my heart for so long. I was rid of their voices, and danced my skinny body to its delight! It turns out my long limbs were shaped for the graceful turns and pliés of a dancer, not the rough upending of dirt and grit of sliding into home base.

Sometimes, we are critical of the bodies God has given us before we understand how he wants us to use them. I always think of that time in my life when I truly believed that God made me more insufficient than my peers simply because I couldn’t catch a softball. And all of these thoughts were sadly contingent on what other’s thought of me, or what the bible terms: “the fear of man.”

It has taken me forever to get over these doubts that began in middle school. It would be a lie to say that I have hit rock bottom on my list of insecurities. They keep coming out in ways I don’t expect them to! But you know, one thing is for certain. That when Jesus saw me in that secret, wonderful, mysterious hiding place before the day of my birth, he smiled and knew exactly what he was doing!  As the Psalmist proclaims:

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

He is one that guards our hearts, jealously desiring that we seek his approval before anyone else has the chance to get in and make a mess of our hearts. Sufficient to say, it has taken a long time to grasp my beauty and individuality as something God designed and adored since the day of my birth.

I only wish I could’ve seen into the future that day in the mirror, to assure myself that despite a few disgruntled peers and my failure in athletics, that someday God would have me return to a middle school building, but this time as a teacher for an after school dance program where I would boost kids confidence with a little music and let them shake out their silly side. I wish I could’ve seen me grinning from ear-to-ear, leaving the stage after my first choreographed solo performance as a senior in high school.

I believe He wants all of us to ask Him this simple question: what would you make of this life Lord? What do you long to purpose with these limbs, however unfit, or these teeth however crooked? What message of hope would you like to come out of my mouth? What God –honoring work do you have for my hands to find?  I would love to hear your own stories of coming to find your passion, wherever your awkward stage might have fallen in the timeline of your life. As for me, I praise the Lord that middle school is over, and I have a feeling that I’m not alone!

Lauren

Hi Diane!

Before I go on with my question I would just like to let you know how much of a blessing it is to to have access to such wonderful wisdom! I always look forward to a new "Love Story" posting every week. I have grown and gained so much from reading them. Thank you for allowing the Lord use you in life changing ways.

OK, my question. It's about guys and girls being friends. Is it possible to remain JUST friends??

I'm in a situation where I have recently befriended this dashing, godly young fella. I have more than every single reason in the world to be friends with him. He is the initiator in the friendship. He's the one who calls me to see what I'm up to and drops by to visit with me. He's a Bible nerd (heck yes!!) He offers to pay if we end up going out somewhere. He's a prefect gentleman! What girl in my position wouldn't think that?

*sigh*

It was great in the beginning, I strictly had friendly feelings for this guy. It's been about a month and a couple weeks since we met. And the first time we met, it was instantaneous friendship from that moment on.

Now, the friend feelings for him are...blossoming into something else. I've been praying for God to help me maintain my "brother in Christ" view for him but it's not working!! I'm pretty sure he likes hanging out with me because I don't "like" him and that pressure isn't there.

Oooh little does he know, unfortunately. I absolutely value this friendship and don't want to do anything to ruin it.

I was always raised to believe that if a girl is going to be friends with a guy, then something better happen.

Ultra conservative? Or rational point of view? I don't know.

Any advice?

Thank you from the bottom of my heart :)

Dear Friend,

What a bright and cheerful email on this gloomy day! Thank you for your encouraging words and honesty about your heart.

Let me just answer as a mom- I am certainly no expert in relationships between men and women, but I do have 2 godly sons and 2 lovely daughters and sort of a front seat to the reality of today's dating/friendship story.

I do think its possible for guys and girls to remain friends and just enjoy each other's company and very different perspectives. However… it rarely works for very long. The very things that attract you to the friendship often create a response in your heart for what you know you want and are made for- a deeply spiritual friendship oneness that blossoms into romance and marriage.

And that's a good thing.

Don't apologize for that! It means you are a woman- passionate and loyal and getting ready to bind yourself to a man's vision and calling for the rest of your life.

A very good thing.

That said, how do you know for sure that he's not interested in more? At a retreat I spoke at last weekend I urged the women to learn to be inviting. To let the guy they are interested in knowing better know that you would welcome his initiative should he so choose.

Have you done that?

Remember, guys are often sort of clueless (sorry guys!) and so very different than women. They fear intense emotions in the beginning of a relationship, because they are often not sure what to do in response if their own emotions are a little milder, so don't come on too strong. But perhaps it is time to let him know that you think he is amazing- godly and kind and a leader whose life fascinates you. Admire him and don't hold back on the verbal affection that every person alive craves and needs.

Is there risk that he will back off? Yes, but in that you'll need to entrust this whole attraction to God. He knows what and who is best for you. The worst thing you could do, would be to so fear losing the friendship that you never let him know that your heart is becoming drawn to him.

You'll lose this friendship eventually anyway, you know. Once he starts a romantic relationship with someone else you'll have to back away from this close of a friendship.

As to the way you were raised to believe that all male friendships must lead to a relationship… or else, we both know that's not really true. And its way too much pressure anyway. My son, Matt has a couple of friends who willingly speak into his life from time to time- mainly about relationships from a womanly viewpoint. He doesn't spend vast amounts of time with them, but they hang out in groups and keep in touch as more of a sisterly relationship. He values those young women and they have helped him overcome some of that masculine denseness that so frustrates young women. Yet if they were to spend too much time together and talk and call frequently I think it would eventually lead to something or ruin the friendship.

So… there's a mom's perspective.

Now take this whole thing to the Lord, lay it out before Him with all the honesty you've given me, open your Bible to James 1:5 and ask your Father for His wisdom. He'll give it to you generously… and then do what He says with perfect peace and trust in His great love for you and involvement in your future.

And I'd love to know what happens…

From my heart,

Diane

I received this delightful note from one of our women who is a teacher in a school in Salem. I was struck by the wisdom of a child. I’ve added a few comments of my own to his essay… not that it needed one bit more! I think this little guy pretty much says it all.

Hi Diane

I have so enjoyed reading your blog on marriage lately.  I’ve also been listening to Mars Hill’s sermon series on marriage.  And then yesterday, I came across one of my middle schooler’s art projects while grading.  The assignment was to create a sculpture that represented a human relationship, emotion or attribute.  He chose marriage.  And he is in 6^th grade.  My heart was so glad, after reading his essay on his sculpture.  I don’t work at a Christian school, so to hear this from a child was priceless!  Just wanted to pass it along to someone who appreciates what God does through marriage as much as I do!

Art and Primary Spanish Teacher

Abiqua School

The reason behind this sculpture is happiness or marriage.

This is a feeling that first time marriage people will never forget. This feeling for most people is the best feeling they will ever feel in their lifetime.

In the painting you may see that if you picture their faces together as one,

they look half and half.

That is what married people should commit to.

I chose red as a color because red represents all of the arguments and problems and miscommunication that will be a part of marriage but the two people will stay strong and carry on.

I chose green as a relaxing color because you now work as a team and everything you do is now one.

I chose yellow as a color because it represents how much you want to do this and how enthusiastic and happy you are about your decisions.

Red, green, yellow.

Red because conflict is a reality when two people choose to become one. Because becoming one takes a whole lot of dying to self and forgiving and covering over all those irritants that threaten to undo us. And because for most of us it’s an embarrassingly messy process. And life intrudes and things go wrong and we have a million opportunities to choose- grace and mercy or disapproval and rejection?

Green because a great marriage creates a space that is so restful and refreshing that a whole family- and indeed an on looking world- can find peace and hope and rest there. And because green is a symbol of growth and newness and that’s what a God centered marriage between two people creates in this whole crazy process of becoming one.

Yellow for the sheer joy of participating in a miracle. Like my daffodils blooming in the midst of a dreary day, a marriage done right brings delight to everyone who gets to glimpse this outlandish idea of God’s.

And I think that’s enough said…

From my heart,

Diane

For the past several weeks, in between some great Love Stories, we’ve been taking a fresh look at four reasons for marriage… and four questions to ask yourself while looking for The One… and four areas, which must align in your relationship in order to make a marriage great. We’ve talked about the pillar of Friendship…and the importance of Mission…about Sexuality and how our choices in this area affect just about everything…

And today I want to talk about the forth pillar that lays a strong foundation for a vibrantly God-honoring marriage.

FAMILY

Right at this moment I am sitting three feet away from three of the most important people in my life. Their names are Jude, Moses, and Duke…my grandboys. They’re cuddled up in a ragtag assortment of love worn blankets watching Baloo the Bear dance across the screen in The Jungle Book.

(Jude)

(Moses)

(Duke)

These boys think I can do no wrong. They beg to come to my house, obey me better than their parents, believe everything I say and basically fill my life with more love and affection than I ever thought possible. And in just a couple of weeks I’m going to get two granddaughters to add to this rich tableau.

If that isn’t enough to convince me of the richness of my life with Phil for these past 33 years, I just have to look at the messages on my phone: John Mark telling me I’m just the greatest, Tammy asking for wisdom, Rebekah confiding her heart in me, Elizabeth asking me to join her in a shopping spree, and Matt wondering what time I’m planning dinner and can he bring a friend?

My life couldn’t be fuller. Or better. Or richer.

When Phil and I fell in love we didn’t know much more about being parents than that we wanted to raise our children to love God passionately.

We had no idea how, no clue what to do.

But we set out on a search for wisdom that soon became our center message. Together we read and asked questions and sought counsel and prayed and searched the Scriptures.

We made sacrifices and so did our kids.

We made mistakes and so did our kids.

But under Phil’s leadership and love our family thrived, our marriage became bigger than just us, and our ministry came to encompass a whole bevy of gifted individuals who are now leading their own families in the way of the Kingdom.

And it all started with a vision. And a prayer. And just the tiniest hope that maybe God could do something with us— something magnificent, something world changing.

It was 1981 and we were living in a dingy rental home near Multnomah University while Phil went to grad school. I had a six-month-old baby, no family nearby, no friends, no car, and no money. But just down the street was a fabulous used bookstore in the basement of a decrepit old house. One day while I was perusing the musty shelves for something to read, I stumbled upon an out of print book that changed my whole view of parenthood. With the unfortunate title of, “Marriage to a Difficult Man”, I’m sure Phil must have wondered what in the world was up with me! But this was a biography of one of America’s most influential theologians, Jonathon Edwards.

Towards the back of the book, the author had listed the impact that Jonathon and Sarah Edwards’ family had had on the history of our nation. Generation after generation of men and women of tremendous influence whose mission became bringing the Kingdom into the world in which they lived.

There were politicians and pastors and missionaries and culture changers. Artists and policy makers and ambassadors and even a Vice-President of the United States.

I was blown away.

Two painfully ordinary people who were used by God to affect extraordinary influence on the world.

And we wanted to do the same.

You see we’d come to know the Lord so late in life that the first many years were spent just figuring out what it meant to be Jesus followers. We assumed that our direct impact would be less than spectacular.

But we knew our children would have a different story. And so God put it on our hearts to pray for and work towards and make it our mission to raise up a generation of Jesus followers who would love Him and know Him and be equipped to serve Him in ways far beyond our own limited capacities.

And He did.

Crazy.

John Mark serves Him as lead pastor of Solid Rock. Rebekah and her husband Steve are bringing light and joy and hope right there in the middle of L.A.’s design culture. Elizabeth is pouring into her children and partnering with her husband who is a pastor. Matt spends his days studying theology so he can be equipped for the mission God calls him to.

And we all have huge flaws and embarrassing tendencies. Sin and Satan crouch at the door waiting for us to mess up, just like everyone else.

We do fail, we will fail.

But our family has chosen to hide in the shelter of a Redeemer who uses even people like us.

And now the next generation of passionate Jesus followers are being trained… what will they be? And do? Will their names someday be listed in the back of an out of print book in an obscure bookstore?

Phil and I have chosen to give our lives to this crazy Comer family of ours.

Together.

Because with Phil leading and me serving and both of us praying and talking and working and loving and doing hard things, we have formed something beautiful. Something important.

And that, my dear friends, is one incredibly valuable reason for marriage.

And one incredibly important reason to choose carefully.

From the heart of a grateful woman,

Diane

Hi! My name is Kaitlynn, and I am so excited to share my love story with you...

I gave my heart to the Lord seven years ago at the age of 19. God saved me out of a life entrenched in sin and darkness and brought me into HIS marvelous light. I was living in Hawaii at the time when the Lord wanted me to move back to Beaverton, a place that I definitely did not want to return to considering this is where I grew up and had moved away from on purpose. I had left my old life behind and was coming to the same place to start fresh.

When I moved back here I started going to Solid Rock. I was instantly home, I felt so loved, welcomed and embraced, like I belonged. I thrived, grew and started to heal. I was like a hungry newborn needing to eat every hour. I was going to church on Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays and soaking up all the Lord was pouring on to me. I was new.

I started to make the best of friends and loved being a part of The Way, which was the college age ministry at the time. I never considered dating or even liking anyone because I knew Gods heart for me at the time was to find and learn who I was in Him first, there was also lots of healing to be done. He was showing me how to love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.

As time passed and I had begun to grow firm roots in Jesus, I was ready and started to date this guy, who is wonderful, and godly. Our relationship was pure and fruitful, but he just wasn't right for me. By Gods's grace it didn't work out. It was so healthy for me to have had that experience and I share this with you because I know a lot of people when they experience a relationship that doesn't end in marriage they see this as a failure. I didn't. That relationship set a standard for me that I knew I couldn't go below. For that I am GRATEFUL.

In the summer of 2007, I was focusing on school and an upcoming missions trip to India. There were amazing people from the church on the trip and a few of them had just begun dating. Those relationships looked different. Something about them was so natural, easy, just perfect, like you were watching God write their love stories in front of your eyes…I wanted that. Not in an impatient way, but a 'lay it down at the feet of the Lord' kind of way. I specifically prayed for that: to have it be quick, perfect, certain and so from God there was no mistaking it.

I came back from India with a freshness and excitement. I was content. I didn't want anything except deeper intimacy with Jesus and dating was honestly the last thing on my mind.

One night at The Way as I was listening to the teaching and taking notes, he caught my eye. This handsome, unfamiliar face that I couldn't stop glancing at… I was so distracted.

At church, I became aware of where he was in a room, and I would suddenly "find myself" in the same area as him or talking with the people around him. I was so surprised by how he affected me. Every little exchange we had would would knock the wind out of me. I was so embarrassed every time I got to talk to him because I was sure he could tell how nervous I was.

One Friday night, there was late worship after The Way. I was really tired and probably should have gone straight home afterwards; instead I went over and started talking to a group of people, which he happened to be in. I was going out on a friends boat the next day and I thought I should invite him. So I turned to face him, while someone else was talking, and singling him out I blurted, "Do you want to come out on my friends boat tomorrow?"

Silence…

He asks, "Um, sure. Well who should I call?"

"Oh you can call me…"

I wanted the words back in my mouth, SO BAD.

This may not seem like that big of a deal, but let me clarify by saying I am shy, and would never have: A) invited a guy I barely know to go anywhere, and B) given out my phone number to a guy I have a crush on with out him asking.

While this awkward dialogue is happening externally there is an internal dialogue where I am yelling at myself to STOP. I quickly redacted with, "Wait, let me give you my friends number instead…"

More silence… Then someone else started talking, and he never asked for the number. So I slipped out of there as fast as I could, trying not to think about what had just happened.

The next morning before boating I went to breakfast with a friend, telling her all about the "incident". We were laughing hysterically and then my phone rings with some random number…

"Hello"

"Hi Miss, this is Ryan Wesley Peterson..."

I was shocked: he got my number somehow and ended up coming out on the boat. The whole time we were staring at one another, just awestruck by the other. My friend teases me still about that day on the boat because of how gaga we were.

So we started to talk and spend time together. He was perfect to me.

Ryan was playing in a touring band at the time and was frequently out of town so in the beginning, before we "officially" started dating, we spent a lot of time on the phone. We would talk for hours about everything. I have never been able to talk to anyone like that. He came into town and asked me out on a date. On October 2nd 2007, we had our first date. He picked me up and we walked all over Portland, talking, laughing, going on little adventures. It was cold but I didn't notice. We went to the Ace hotel and snuck up onto the fourth story fire escape and talked forever. Our date lasted something like 10 hours.

Everything was so… EASY. On october 4th, Ryan asked me to be his girlfriend and the next day he left for a two month long tour.

For those two months we learned about each other over phone, email, and iChat. I saw that he was a man that pursued and loved God with all his heart. His life reflected that. He was the first person I met that truly had a servants heart. I was so impressed by his character the more I got to know him. He was someone I looked up to, respected and wanted to follow. I was falling in love. Sometime during mid-november he became a little distant, the emails started to become sparse and phone chats weren't as long. My 22nd birthday was the 14th and he didn't really mention it so I convinced myself that I was about to be broken up with.

Two days later I got a HUGE box in the mail, and as I opened it I cried… It was filled with 22 different gifts specifically picked out to show that He knew me. He had studied me. Each item came with a page long hand written letter explaining the item and what it meant. The packaging he used to keep everything safe was a hundred pages with "Im crazy about you" written over and over. He KNEW me.

Right then and there, with tears on my cheeks, I knew Ryan was my husband. I wrote in my journal that night, " I want a love story written by Love Himself. I love him, I am crazy about him. I would marry him if You led and he asked. Thank you Father for your sweet grace and your love for me through Ryan."

He came home for thanksgiving and told me he loved me. I loved him back.

On April 1st he asked me to marry him on that same fourth story fire escape at the Ace hotel.

On July 26th 2008, The day I became his wife, I wrote these scriptures in my journal:

"The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:11-12.

"So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together let no man separate" Matthew 19:6

"You shall fear the Lord your God; you shall serve Him and cling to Him, and you shall swear by His name. He is your praise and He is your God, who has these great and awesome things for you which your eyes have seen." Deuteronomy 10:20-21

In November of 2010, God gave us the sweetest gift: our son, Truman.

And now we have another little one on the way!

Ryan is the answer to my prayers. He covers me the way that Jesus does. He sees me as new and God has used him as a part of my redemption, and continues to use Him. He is my best friend, my lover and the most special surprise of my life. A covering of grace. As with the others, God wrote our love story (I know that there is no possible way I could have). I am so thankful for Ryan and for our life together. We are continuing to learn about one another and grow together. We have been married for almost four years and I fall more in love with him, I deeply respect who he is. I discover more each day that he is  what I need. Our marriage is filled with times of bliss and joy and fun and times of sharpening, failing, repenting and learning. We are by no means perfect but I know that we are growing more in God's likeness.

Waiting for the person you marry looks different for everyone. Some people get married young, some when they are older. Some people date and marry one person. Some date a few before they get married. Some people don't get married. Everyone comes from unique walks of life. So of course, all the stories of waiting, falling in love and getting married and living life look different. When it is right, the common thread is that God is Author. And in the waiting for the desires of your heart, it is vital to allow Him to prepare you, learning to find satisfaction in Jesus alone.

"Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord." Psalm 27:14

Kaitlynn

The Other Side of the Story about Sex

Phil and I have had the immeasurable joy of raising 4 children to adulthood. For over 31 years our house has sung with the sounds of people growing up, exploring their worlds, expressing their opinions, and inviting friends into this snug circle.

Two of my children are introverts like me: John Mark craves long stretches of time alone to think and study and Elizabeth rarely wanted more than a couple of friends over at a time.

Rebekah, on the other hand, always seemed to be organizing a party. Breakfast on a Saturday morning, a movie night starting way too late for reasonable early-to-bed-early-to-rise mamas like me.

But it’s Matt who has filled our home with crowds. Something’s always brewing with him and his ever-expanding group of friends. And these are some of the best people I know. Fun and fully involved, these teenagers and twenty-somethings have found strength in each other. They spur each other on to godly living and give each other courage to forge out new paths as they relentless pursue God.

I’m more than a little impressed by them.

One of my favorite things is when the men in this group cram into Matt’s room at the top of the stairs. It’s a tiny room, stuffed to the gills with books and computers and a keyboard and who knows what else. Yet in they squeeze, for what I’ve learned to anticipate… a time to talk about girls.

Just like girls, every one of these guys either currently likes someone, or is dating someone, or is scanning the crowd just to be sure not to miss out.

And that’s a good thing!

These men are fully aware that the next major decision of their lives involves finding and pursuing and getting to know the one who they hope will be their happily ever after romance.

And since our room is just a few feet away from the door they always keep open (trust me, the scent of 6 or 8 guys crammed into that miniscule space necessitates an open door policy!), Phil and I get to hear some fascinating conversations.

This is no lousy locker room boasting. Their conversations are laced with Scripture they’re memorizing and hopes they have for bringing the Kingdom of God into their world.

Really great stuff.

But it’s the girl talk that intrigues me. And so I’m going to clue you in on the snippets I hear over and over again from that crammed in space, and what I think you really ought to know…

They think you’re beautiful.

Really.

It’s the first thing they say after they’ve met you or talked even a few minutes with you. They don’t notice your make-up or lack of it, your new hairstyle, or even your size.

If you’re nice and your eyes dance when they talk and you give them just a bit of encouragement- you’re beautiful.

They do not share Hollywood’s narrow definition of beauty. In fact, I am sometimes flabbergasted at who they think is beautiful and who they aren’t attracted to at all.

Which gives rise to the next point…

You need to be your own version of beautiful.

The great make-up magnate, Bobbi Brown, lamented that the women she works with look in the mirror and see only their flaws. Instead, she advises that women enhance their best features and simply ignore everything else. I think that’s wise advice.

God is a artist and he created beauty in you. Go ahead and enhance away! But please, please, please stop concentrating on what you don’t like about yourself. It will only make you self-conscious and awkward… and crabby and defensive too!

These guys see your beauty at first glance. They’re intrigued and intimidated by that beauty.

Since beauty is so very important to men, why in the world would you not try to look your best?

Some women really don’t like men’s focus on beauty. They expect men to “just love them as they are”. And there’s truth there of course, but I think we need to banish the lie that what we look like doesn’t matter.

These godly, fighting-hard-to-be-pure men delight in a woman’s beauty.

In his best-selling book entitled, His Needs, Her Needs, Willard Harley share years of research to conclude that one of the top needs of a man is “an attractive spouse”—which is clinical-eze for “a beautiful wife”. He spends an entire chapter talking about  a man’s deep desire to spend the rest of his life with a woman he finds lovely to look at.

If you’re starting to steam at me right now, please go back and reread #3… your own version of beauty…

When a man entrusts his life-dominating sexual needs to a woman for life, he is taking a great risk. They really think you must be driven by the same needs they are. It comes as a bit of a shock to men that women don’t daydream 24/7 about sex.

And it hurts them to the core when girls/women/media moguls make light of their battle to reign their desires in. This dominates their lives!

Its time women joined in respectful acknowledgement that men are driven hard by a physical and emotional need for sex.  As Christian women, don’t you think we ought to be in awe of their attempts at purity?

Will you commit yourself now to handling your future husband’s need with great care and commitment?

Stop flaunting your body to men.

There, I’ve said it.

We all know what we’re doing when we wear things too tight with too much skin exposed. Women crave the attention they’re sure to get when they use their bodies to entice a man.

Being beautiful and even alluring does not require immodesty.

Let’s give these guys a break! They’re fighting an uphill battle to reign in all that male testosterone. The enemy is shaming them constantly by their vulnerability to sexual temptation- don’t you be a part of Satan’s schemes!

I am praying for you, dear daughters of my heart, as your sort this all out. I am asking the Father to help you discover your own beauty. I am asking Him to shed light on all those lies you’ve swallowed for far too long. And I’m thanking Him that He knows your hearts… and finds all beauty there.

From my heart,

Diane

I’ve been struggling all morning, trying to write this post about the importance of preparing for the expression of sexuality in marriage. Every sentence seemed stiff and strangely defensive. There is just so much I want to say, and yet the saying of it comes at a cost. Why is that?

I’ve felt as if I’m navigating a minefield.  Each step is dangerous, full of hidden misunderstandings and potential pain. And in all this precarious tiptoeing I’ve lost sight of the goal— to point the way for all these young women I love.

And so I’ve deleted all my carefully chosen and boringly diplomatic words. I’m just going to write as if you were all my daughters. I never worried one bit if they were going to get mad at me— because my yearning for the best possible marriages for them overruled all that anxiety about what-if-I-say-the-wrong-thing.

And so, dear daughters of my heart, I speak to you today as Mom.

When I married Phil I was a virgin. As in, really a virgin. No man had ever seen me or touched me in any sort of intimate way. I came into my marriage fresh and without any sort of angst.

Just as God intended for every one of us, I’d been well protected by my father who put sort of an invisible guard rail around his daughter. I was never molested or misused in any way. And I thank God for that rare blessing every day.  Because of all that good care I carried no baggage from my past.

And because my mother painted such an enticingly beautiful picture for me of sexuality within marriage, I measured my growing sexual awareness as a delight to be anticipated.

And yet, I was by no means pure. I brought with me images both real and imagined; fantasies with which I’d indulged my mind, more kissing than I wish I’d allowed in a previous relationship, and a ridiculous bunch of make-believe about romance and passion and how it all works.

And while some of you may laugh at my innocence, I believe that every single indulgence in impurity negatively impacts the explosively dynamic sexual bonding that God designed for each of us to experience in marriage.

And that, my dear daughters is the real reason to guard your purity jealously.

Not because someone says so, not because you might get an STD, or find yourself pregnant (all pretty good reasons, I might add), but because you don’t want to do anything that will in any way keep you from having a fiery love affair with your husband for the rest of you life!

And that is the goal. Because there is no better way to bond a husband and wife together, no better way to overcome differences, no better way to become intimate down deep… than being naked and unashamed and one in the fullest sense of God’s plan.

And now some of you are cringing. You are no longer a virgin. You gave yourself away a long time ago. Or someone stole it from you in a perverted act of selfishness.

Your mind is messed up and your soul is ravaged and I ache for all you’ve lost.

But before you let the enemy do his whole blaming, shaming spiel on you, listen up. You may not be a virgin, but you can become pure again.

That’s what redemption is all about. Your past is covered by the beautiful, life-giving, soul cleansing blood of Jesus. He died knowing about your mess-ups. When you confessed your sins and chose to follow Him, you left all that behind. (read more here)

And if you’ve given in again since you gave your life to Him, His forgiveness is just one confession away.

And now you can begin the hard work of becoming pure.

And so my dear daughters, will you listen to a few words of motherly wisdom?

1. This past of yours will not go away just because you bury it down deep. In fact, it is guaranteed to rise up and bite you right about the time you are embarking on the whole mysteriously fabulous journey of marriage.
2. If you haven’t already, gather a couple of closely trusted, fully safe friends who walk with Jesus and confess your past to them. Bring it up to the surface and tell them what happened.
3. Then allow the Spirit of God to wash over you with His grace. And keep seeking that grace until you feel forgiven. That’s right, your feelings really do matter. This process of feeling forgiven may take a very long time.
4. Remember, you’ve got an enemy out there who is going to fire all sorts of darts at you. Open up to Ephesians 6. Study exactly what you’re supposed to do with those fiery darts. Then be diligent to win this battle for your mind.
5. If you’ve been molested or misused get help. Real help, like an older woman or a counselor who knows how that kind of horror can mess with your mind. Do not deceive yourself into thinking that you’ve “dealt with it”. I honestly don’t think that’s possible all by yourself. And I’ve sat in too many marriage counseling sessions trying to get to the bottom of the conflicts only to find unhealed molestations in the wife’s past.
6. Be strict with yourself about purity. Is a romantic comedy on t.v. arousing once again your craving to be fully loved? Turn it off. Does that magazine at the salon that details all the ways to have fantastic sex beckon for your attention? Don't go there. Are you allowing your mind to imagine what it would be like to loved by that man? Confess it for what it is: lust.
7. If your boyfriend is pushing for more physical involvement than affection - dump him! And here's why: if you give in you'll resent him for the rest of your life. And even if you don't, you'll always wonder if he's going to have the manliness to stay faithful to you.
8. While you wait for God to bring you to your husband, create beauty every where you go. Sexual sins before marriage leave women feeling ugly and miserable. Go on a campaign for beauty. Make yourself beautiful. Make your apartment appealing and your car smell good! After all, you want people who step into your space to experience just a tantalizing taste of the beauty you offer. And what you have to offer is far better than the in-your-face sensuality this world seems so enamored with.

I think that this could be an incredibly enlightening conversation between you and your Jesus following friends. Cheer each other on, hold each other accountable, call each other out when you see each other slipping. Above all else, remind each other why you want to be pure.

If these words I’ve poured onto the page are resonating with you, will you write a response? I think we need to stop hiding behind shame and start championing the purification of our sexuality. If you’re with me, will you say so?

From the heart of a mom,

Diane

P.S.   With just Matt at home now, our house is regularly invaded by a group of young men who are the most zealously committed men of God I have ever known.

They all seem to cram into Matt’s little electronics stuffed room when they want to talk about g-i-r-l-s. And believe me, those guys talk about you females all the time!

And so next week I want to leave you with a list (I do love lists) of what I hear from the other side of the story…