(PART FOUR)

Dear Matthew,

I know your iron clad commitment to sexual purity. I admire your decision to keep a close guard over your passions, reigning in all those desires that can make life a constant battle for a man. I have just the faintest clue of how hard it must be and that sets me to praying for you every day; for strength, for wisdom, for protection from an enemy who would love to sideline you through spur-of-the-moment stupidity.

And then I go to a gathering of Believers on Sunday and see all those beautiful young women vying for men’s attentions. Some are chaste and subtle and content to remain hidden until God brings them to a man in His time.

But others are not. Many are not. And they dance their bodies before the eyes of men who must look away or burn with forbidden desire. Too much skin, too tight jeans, too bold in their beauty.

Why do they do it?

What are they saying?

What do they want, these women who love God and allure men with suggestions of more?

Here’s what I think— because I’ve been there and done that and just barely escaped giving more of myself than I ought. And we’re all the same, us women. Deep down we need and want and long for the same things.

Five Things Every Woman Longs For:

1.  Every woman longs to be desired.

This is why women flirt, why some uncover too much. There is this little girl inside of every woman that longs to draw a man to herself. To be sought after, to be wanted. And yes, this goes for the sexual area of her relationships as well. A woman cannot separate her sexuality from her soul. To be desired sexually feels like being desired as a whole— that is what every woman thinks and believes and feels.

2.  Every woman longs to be loved.

It is a woman’s deepest need; for a good man to love her for who she is, to love her no matter what, to love her forever. Every woman is born wanting this and many— far too many women spend their entire lives hoping and wishing and working and sacrificing everything in order to get this kind of love. Yet few ever do. And I think God weeps.

3.  Every woman longs to be cherished.

To be valued and considered, to be wanted. To be treated like a fragile piece of crystal rather than a disposable plastic mug. Paul goes so far as to command husbands to cherish their wives, comparing women to the Church and husband to the Savior. (Ephesians 5) This translates in a woman’s mind to carefulness— with her feelings, with her body, with her soul.

4.  Every woman longs to be protected.

It is there even in the fiercest of women, this need to be watched over and guarded from harm. Instinctively, a woman knows that God created men to protect women, to represent God’s warrior-like protection over His creation. Which is why a woman who marries a man who did not protect her purity while dating or engaged, often feels an inexplicable distrust of him.

5.  Every woman longs to be led.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… and again… and again. Women want to be led. Not bullied, not dominated, not forced. And we all know there are mean men out there who are tyrants. But the complaint I hear by far most often from women is not about abuse— it’s about passivity. Men who cannot summon the energy or the confidence to step out and lead, or initiate, or communicate where in the world they’re headed.

To lead takes tremendous courage, I know, but dear sons who are listening, I pray you will have the courage to lead as you are led by Christ.

From the heart of a mom who prays for you and for your friends,

Mom

(source)

In just five days Phil and I will board a plane for Haiti.

We're going together for the first time, an adventure for just the two of us. Once there we'll have the joy of dedicating a building at Grace Village which Solid Rock paid for, then we'll head back across town for the real reason we're there.

One thousand Haitian pastors and leaders and their wives will gather to be encouraged and taught-- and we get to do the teaching! I am more than a little humbled-- why us? Why me?

Aren't I still just the shy fear-prone one? The one who stumbles over words and gets so scared she can't choke it out?

Or maybe that the me I used to be and now I'm the woman who loves women and loves the Redeemer and is different than I'd ever thought I'd be. Maybe He's changed me and I've hardly noticed those changes.

Or maybe that is how I really am and He takes over in magnificent ways when I tell Him I can't and I believe He can.

Either way, I'm going. Fear prone but not fear defeated. All my weakness and all His strength.

Will you pray for me? For us?

On Wednesday, January 23 and Thursday, January 24, we are each teaching a total of 6 times. Phil will speak to the men twice and I'll get to share with the women both times too. Then we'll do a session together about Ten Things To Teach Your Children.We're going as a part of the Luis Palau Team. Andrew Palau is bringing a Festival to Haiti in March and this is their way of gathering the pastors in order to enrich the Church.

My interpreter is a trusted friend, Madame Doris Juene. She's one of those rare "kindred spirits" and I fully trust her to make up for any cultural mistakes I might make! Sister Doris and I share the same heart for the women and her grand humor and godliness always strengthens me as only one of God's chosen servant's can. I pray that I can give back to her in per portion as she gives to me.

I love knowing that you will pray! I love knowing that God delights in answering your prayers!

And I'll try to post from Haiti too. And Instagram and tweet and Facebook and all that. But power and internet are spotty there so if I'm silent, just pray. Please.

Serving Him in His strength and with your prayers,

Diane

(PART TWO)

Dear Matthew,

Last week I told you a story about your sister, Rebekah. I described to you a story of a man who took his responsibility to protect the purity of a woman seriously.

This week I want to tell you how.

Every movie, every TV show, every story you see in public is rife with impurity because our culture sees impurity and immodesty and immorality as manly… and sexy… and cool.

What you never see is the shredding of trust, the feelings of insecurity, of being used and abused and abandoned. That stuff.

You know a better way because you have read The Book.

Words like:

You shall not commit adultery. Exodus 20v14

and

You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5v27-28

and

It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. I Thessalonians 4v3-6

So here is a mom-made list of how to protect a woman’s purity:

1. Tell her right up front exactly why you intend to keep your relationship pure. (That way she won’t wonder about the weirdness of a relationship that doesn’t get all hot and heavy)
2. Make rules for yourself. (As in 'Do Not Touch' except for fondness and affection)
3. Do not spend time all alone together. (You’ll be less tempted to go too far if you always have an audience)
4. Tell some trusted friends that you intend to keep this relationship pure. (Just the ones who will face this battle with you instead of laughing all over Facebook)
5. Invite people to question you. (Make it easy, don’t be defensive, they’re not saying they don’t trust you… just that you’re crazy to trust yourself)
6. Don’t look at pornography! (It’s the fool who thinks he can feed a fire and not get burned by it)
7. Be honest with her when it’s hard. (But please do not make this a frequent topic of conversation!)
8. Assure her often of your feelings for her. (Women are conditioned to think that men who paw at them actually love them— and they can get insecure unless you tell them otherwise)
9. Date for a long time to get to know each other well, then be engaged for a short time. (There is something about that engagement ring that can make it really hard to stop)

It takes a man to follow this kind of advice.

It takes strength, determination, moral muscle.

It takes a man who is so passionate about Jesus that he chooses to curb his own God-given passions.

You are such a man, Matthew. May He give you all His grace.

From my heart,

Mom

And girls… do not settle for anything less.

(source)

I am a slowpoke.

Not because I’m lazy, though I do have my moments, but because noticing beauty takes time.

When I’m whizzing around getting everything done I miss the beauty God sprinkles along my path. I get all tense and barren. And those dread messages of “not enough” hound my every hurried step.

This morning I was supposed to get through four chapters according to my Bible reading chart. So far I’ve managed 2 verses.

Two cups of tea and 2 verses.

I’ve been reading chronologically through the Old Testament since September. Fascinating to see the story in real time- beginning at the Beginning and reading Job right after the debacle of the Tower of Babel. David’s disasters and the Psalms he wrote in response to God’s rescue plan.

Why haven’t I done this before?

But how can I whisk through poetry? How dare I miss the beauty?

And so I’m not sure I’ll reach the end of the story by the end of my should. And I’m not sure I should.

Maybe what I should do is go at my own pace. A laconic stroll through wisdom... drinking in every sip... swallowing truth I need to know... writing words about what I want to be... because of what He’s done for me.

A slow poke.

I dare not let my self-imposed should’s and ought to’s and supposed to’s make me miss the beauty.

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. And you? Have you latched on to a plan for your time in the Word this year? Are you getting up a little earlier to open wisdom and let God sprinkle it into your heart and mind?

I’d love to hear what you’re doing and why. Whether you’re zipping through to get the Big Picture (a wise way to go for sure!) or going slow or maybe a little of both.

P.S.S. And moms-of-little-ones how are you doing it?

(PART ONE)

Dear Matthew,

Today I just want to tell you a story.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful maiden. She was the delight of her father and the joy of her mother.  She was extraordinarily intelligent, a voracious learner, a lover of God, a passionate follower of Jesus. And she loved people.

She really loved people.

Hurting souls flocked to her for warmth and care and she never failed to give. Sometimes she brought the broken ones to her father and mother and said, “Here’s one for you to fix, won’t you pour some wisdom into this failed one?”

One day this Beauty went away on a Grand Adventure. She left her love-filled home to seek her fortune and her calling in a place that cried out for all she had to offer.

Her parents prayed… and cried… and prayed yet more. To let their delight, their joy go into a world filled with so much bad frightened them.

While she was in that land away from home… the beautiful maiden met a boy.

Messages flew back and forth between the beloved girl and the mother and father way back home. Hers filled with descriptions and wonder and feelings and hope. Theirs weighted with dire warnings, lessons, reminders, and worry.

One day the father mounted on the wings of the wind and flew to where the daughter lived and loved. He brought a thick black Bible, an arsenal of words, and a fierce scowl.

The boy came trembling but true. He shook the hand of the father, looked him in the eye, and assured him of his faithful following after the King.

A pause…

They sat… They talked… They even laughed a time or two.

And then the father said this.

For more than two-score years I have protected my daughter in every way. I watched over her when she was just a babe in her mother’s arms. I provided for every need before she had it. I have loved her and taught her and poured the best years of my life into her. I have prayed over her and for her and with her.

I ask just one thing of you: Guard her purity.

With that warning, the father mounted his flying steed with a swish of his cloak, and returned home.

The boy did what the father commanded. He watched over the beloved daughter. He cared for her and loved her and won her heart.

And he protected her purity.

When the day came for the father to give the girl-turned-woman to the boy-turned-man in marriage, a great celebration took place in all the Kingdom.

With the greatest joy, the father and the mother who had loved their girl with so much hope, embraced the one who had honored the King by protecting their daughter.

And every day they thank the King for that mighty man. And they pray for him and they believe in him and they love him as their own.

May Steve and Rebekah live happily ever after.

The End.

And so my son, may you do the same when someday you see a daughter of the King you want for your own.

May you protect her purity with the fierceness of a warrior.

From my heart,

Mom

  Dear son,

I’ve been writing for the past few months in response to your question, Mom, what do I look for in a wife?

I think you expected a short list from me, something you could stick in your pocket and draw out from time to time. Check, check.

Instead you’ve patiently read lots and lots of words from me. In typical Mom-fashion, I’ve rambled on and on, sometimes scaring you away from any idea of dating in the near future, at other times giving you a tantalizing taste of what will be.

And since I am in no hurry to be done with these letters, today I have another long description of what to look for in a wife. Because, you see, you are not only marrying a woman who will be your confidante and lover and companion and helper for the rest of your life… you are marrying the mother of your children.

Think about that for a moment or two.

The Scriptures teach that children are your inheritance from the Lord, a reward to you, a gift.

A man is made strong and validated by his children.

In this era when so many parents have abdicated their roles as mother and father, choosing instead to shrug their shoulders and hope for the best, that is not a very popular mindset. And I am not saying that how your kids turn out is entirely up to you- far from it. As Ruth Bell Graham so simply stated: God has trouble with His kids too.

What I am saying is that who you choose to be the mother of your tribe is of vital importance. She will represent you to your children. She will spend 90% of the time with them, disciplining while you are earning a living, teaching them how to love well, caring for them, pouring into them. Do not underestimate how important her wisdom and ways with your children will be to your own future.

That said, I rummaged around in my files and found this list buried deep, resonating from another era. It was published in the Wall Street Journal a long time ago and yet what wisdom and understanding this list brings to your question for me.

THE MOST CREATIVE JOB IN THE WORLD:

It involves…

Taste,

Fashion,

Decorating,

Recreation,

Education,

Transportation,

Psychology,

Romance,

Cuisine,

Design,

Literature,

Medicine,

Handicraft,

Art,

Horticulture,

Economics,

Government,

Community relations,

Pediatrics,

Geriatrics,

Entertainment,

Maintenance,

Purchasing,

Direct mail,

Law,

Accounting,

Religion,

Energy,

And management.

Anyone who can handle all of those has to be somebody special.

She is.

That is what you are looking for in a wife, dear son-of-mine!

From my heart,

Mom