Posts in Features
CHAPTERS
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Sometimes I think life is like a chapter book. 

All the chapters connect to each other yet no two chapters are the same.

Some are filled with details and history. Some with drama and intrigue.  All are necessary to tell the story.

I tend to want to read ahead and see what’s next which can cause me to miss the right now.

I’m sure I am not alone. 

These past few months have brought about a lot of learning and growing and stretching and asking God “what story are you trying to write?”.

God has blessed me beyond belief with a wonderful husband, two growing-up-way-too-fast children and this incredible blog to be a part of.

Working with my mom and helping her spread the words that God has given her is something I treasure. Not to mention the fact that so many of you read The Kitchen each week... it blows my mind and delights by soul. Thank you. 

Yet somehow I have been finding myself in a place I don’t want to stay…. too busy to do the things that are the most important in my current chapter…

Loving, caring for, serving and making space for my husband and my family.

 

Because sometimes the most important things look like taking the time to have a dance party with Duke in the hallway.

(I can’t dance)

And sometimes they look like lying on the floor and teaching Scarlet to say “mama”

(the only word she will say is “Dada”. All day long.)

Other times they look like having a cup of coffee and talking to Brook instead of working on my “to-do” list.

A perfectionist at heart, I can sometimes get so focused on tasks and making everything just right that I miss the simple joys along the way.

In this next chapter of my life I know God is asking me to strip away all the things that aren’t the most important and simplify a bit.

So I will be doing a little less blogging and a few more park days, dance parties, impromptu dessert making and whatever else may come about in the day-to-day.

As for THE KITCHEN… 

This has been a tough one for me as I LOVE to cook and LOVE to share with all of you.

For now, I’m going to keep the conversation going and pop in every month or so with a new recipe or two.

I am excited about this next chapter and I would love to hear what God is teaching you as well!

I hope to be back right before Christmas with a cinnamon roll recipe.

Until we talk again,

Elizabeth

HOW TO LOVE A WOMAN: part one
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 Be strong and courageous!

Joshua 1:8

Speak truth, each one of you...

Ephesians 4:25

My dear son,

I’ve been writing for a long time now my answer to your question, "Mom, what should I look for in a wife?"

I’ve talked about gentleness and joy, strength to serve, and strength in God. I’ve also written hard things about tendencies that ought to raise red flags before you decide for a lifetime.

Now I sense a need to write some instruction for you and your men-friends about how to really love a woman.

I want you to know beyond what you see, to delve a little deeper into the way God crafted His Eves. We’re so entirely different than men that it’s not only possible, but probable, that if you treat a woman just the way you want to be treated, you’ll get it all wrong.

And so, from a mom to her son, some advice...

Women long to be led. 

We really do. The number one complaint I hear over and over again from beautiful young women is how uncomfortable they are with the lack of clear relational direction they get from guys.

Did he just ask me on a date?

Or are we hanging out?

If so, why?

Does he want another buddy?

Or could he possibly be interested in me as a woman?

Am I supposed to pay when we go out for coffee? Or is he?

The guessing game just drives women crazy!!

When a woman is left to guess at what you mean when you haven’t been entirely clear she feels confused… and just a little bit resentful.

Delightfully joyful women become subdued, peaceful women turn anxious, shy women withdraw, while others assume more than you meant. Not good.

BE CLEAR! 

If friendship is all you’re after, say it right up front.

I enjoy your company, I’d just like to be friends with you.

or

You’re fun and interesting, could we hang out sometime just as friends?

or

I’ve enjoyed talking to you, would you go out with me so we can get to know each other better?

or, in the words of your father more than 35 years ago:

Diane, You’re a beautiful woman and I want to know you more, but I don’t date just to date. I’d like to take you out with the purpose of getting to know each other with the future in mind. Would that be okay with you?

To which I could barely croak out a yes, as I started making plans to elope.

Seriously, Matt, I think I fell in love with your dad in that moment of clear, gentle leadership. And that’s the way he’s been leading me and loving me for all our lives together.

It isn’t easy, I know. I’ve agonized with you, and your brother before you, over the sheer terror of transparent leadership.

There is risk involved, great risk!

You could get laughed at (unlikely), rejected (possibly), or hurt (it happens).

You will have risked and won or risked and lost but you will have been honorable and forthright and courageous.

You will have led like a man.

Praying for courage and honesty for you and all your friends,

Love,

Mom

 Am I right girls? 

BUTTERNUT SQUASH SOUP
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I love butternut squash. So much so that I just had my husband pick up 20 (yes 20) of them on this way home from work a few days ago.

(They are $1.39 at Trader Joe's for few more days and they last in the cupboard for 3 months.)

I'm either smart or a horder.

Today's soup recipe is one of my favorite meals to make this time of year. This recipe was passed on to me from a friend a few years ago and I'm not even sure where it came from originally but I promise it won't dissapoint... even if you aren't as into butternut squash as I am.

It is an easy soup to make ahead of time, freeze or take to a family in need of a meal.

For as long as I can remember my family has been having soup for dinner on Christmas Eve and this one will be added to the menu this year!

ENJOY!

Elizabeth

 

BUTTERNUT SQUASH SOUP

INGREDIENTS:

3 T olive oil

2 C chopped onions

2 T fresh Italian Parsley - chopped

2 t fresh sage - chopped

4 - 5 C butternut squash - peeled, seeded and cut into 1/2 in cubes

1 1/2 t course sea salt

1 garlic clove - minced

5 C organic vegetable broth

TO MAKE:

Add onions, parsley and sage and saute until onions are softened, about 5 minutes.

Add squash and coarse salt and saute until squash softens and onions are golden, about 6 minutes.

Add garlic, stir for 1 minute.

Add vegetable broth and bring to a boil.

Reduce heat, cover and simmer until squash is very soft, about 25 minutes.

Cool slightly. Working in batches, puree soup in blender, allowing some texture to remain. Return soup to pot and thin with stock if desired.

Here is the secret: add a few dashes of cayenne pepper for a little kick. Only add a few dashes at a time and then taste. It heats up quickly!

Season with black pepper and salt if desired.

TO SERVE:

I like to serve it with some homemade croutons on top.

You can make them any way you like. I usually cut a whole wheat, crusty bread into cubes, drizzle, with olive oil and season with garlic powder and sea salt. Bake at 350F for about 20min or until golden brown and crispy.

ENJOY!

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BUTTERNUT SQUASH SOUP

INGREDIENTS:

3 T olive oil

2 C chopped onions

2 T fresh Italian Parsley - chopped

2 t fresh sage - chopped

4 - 5 C butternut squash - 1/2 in cubes

1 1/2 t course sea salt

1 garlic clove - minced

5 C organic vegetable broth

TO MAKE:

Add onions, parsley and sage and saute until onions are softened, about 5 minutes.

Add squash and coarse salt and saute until squash softens and onions are golden, about 6 minutes.

Add garlic, stir for 1 minute.

Add vegetable broth and bring to a boil.

Reduce heat, cover and simmer until squash is very soft, about 25 minutes.

Cool slightly. Working in batches, puree soup in blender, allowing some texture to remain. Return soup to pot and thin with stock if desired.

Here is the secret: add a few dashes of cayenne pepper for a little kick. Only add a few dashes at a time and then taste. It heats up quickly!

Season with black pepper and salt if desired.

TO SERVE:

I like to serve it with some homemade croutons on top.

You can make them any way you like. I usually cut a whole wheat, crusty bread into cubes, drizzle, with olive oil and season with garlic powder and sea salt. Bake at 350F for about 20min or until golden brown and crispy.

ENJOY!

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WHERE TO FIND A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
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Dear son, For the past several weeks I’ve been describing to you what a beautiful woman does and how she speaks and what she thinks. And I’ve let you in on some of those ugly traits every woman struggles with too. Things like shaming and manipulating and trying to control. I guess I’m trying to clear the fog in so many young men’s minds, to help you think clearly and well when it comes to women and wives and all that no-man’s-land in between.

Today I want to tell you where these women are hiding. Because I think that many men have no clue where to find women of worth and beauty. And so I’ve made a list, knowing men’s penchant for clarity and brevity and my tendency to talk in circles.

WHERE TO FIND BEAUTIFUL WOMEN:

  1. At church, first of all. They’ve dressed, done their hair, prettied all up and come to where they know they’ll be safe to meet God.
  2. In serving roles. Peek your head into the kitchen or coffee areas for the serving beauties. These women are others-centered, willing to get mussed up for the purpose of enhancing all our lives. They’re engulfed in aprons, covered in glory as they bustle about creating community by making coffee and serving it up hot and strong.
  3. At the front door. The greeters are warm and bold and looking out for people who need the hope of a good welcome. These are the ones who are not afraid to leave the safety of their circle of friends in order to bring others in.
  4. In the prayer room. These are the ones overflowing with compassion. They believe in grace and long to wrap others up tight in the Father’s love. These are the encouragers, the pray-ers, the people lovers. If mercy mixed with wisdom is your idea of heaven-on-earth, mosey on over to that prayer room!
  5. In the kid’s areas. These women are fun! You’ll see unedited laughter and abounding energy as the women chase kids around with the love of God. They are not worried about a broken fingernail! They’re too busy arranging a heart full of fun for every child who walks into their hearts.
  6. On the floor with toddlers. They slip off their heels, pull back their hair, and make life safe for insecure little ones. These women are not going to “ewee” at runny noses or stinky bottoms. Instead, you’ll find them rolling up their sleeves and opening up their hearts to embrace the potential of the future.
  7. Holding babies. I gotta tell you, there are raving beauties in the baby section of our church! With the softest smiles and a lovely way of swaying back and forth, these women/girls are covered in glory. You’ll see warmth here, tenderness, the softest of women. If your idea of beauty is a woman who is gentle and sweet, patient enough to handle your manliness, take a good long look at the women in the nursery.
  8. Out on a cold, rainy night to help with the middle schoolers and high schoolers. What you’ll see in here are the women who remember the angst of these years. They’re filled with wisdom and an ability to see right through people’s pretend. These women will be magnificent managers, able to handle the stresses of too much to do. They’re warrior women, unafraid of the potent mix of hormones and testosterone that makes these kids crazy at times.
  9. Sitting next to old people and weak people and less-than-perfect people. Look around on a Sunday. Then look again. See that beauty sitting next to the white haired lady? Or the one with her arm around someone who doesn’t smell right? Can you see her beauty? She’s the kind of woman who will never make fun of you when you can’t seem to get it together. Instead, she’ll see who you really are and ignore the messy stuff. She’s too busy loving to get her feelings easily hurt and too full of love to hurt yours.
  10.  At school. A woman who craves learning will never grow old and crotchety. She’ll keep growing and changing, delighting in the newness of every discovery. This kind of woman will keep you young, she’ll surprise and delight you with learning about life.
  11.  Through Missional Communities. Friends have friends who know friends who know you. Women involved in community and committed to missional living are beautiful! They get the whole dynamic of doing life together in a way that is bigger than our own pressing needs. These women bring meals, offer hope, think creatively, choose authenticity.

Notice what I don’t mention. No bars, no parties, no online dating serves. No juveniles eyeing each other at the mall. No hook ups or set ups or blind dates or weirdness.

Every place I’ve listed includes a description of the kind of women you’ll find there. They don’t wear placards trumpeting their beauty though. In fact, you may have to peer through messed up hair and smeared off lipstick to take a second look. These women may have started their day all prettied up but I guarantee you they’ve let all that go in the process of letting all their loveliness spill onto other’s lives.

Matt, I think its time you and your buddies took another look around for beauty. You might be surprised at where you find it.

From my heart,

Mom

RUTH: week five
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#1: “…HOW BLESSED ARE ALL WHO TAKE REFUGE IN HIM!” PSALM 2:12B NASB

#2:

James 1:5

Colossians 3:1-17

Galatians 2:20

Philippians 4:8

Psalm 16

Psalm 127:2

Psalm 139:23,24

#3

PAGES FROM THE PAST:  February 1999

Dwelling There

Satisfaction and rest. The world searches frantically for both. I search for both.

If only I had…

If only I were…

If only I could…

Lasting satisfaction is not filled by people or places or things.

And rest. Where do I find that? A perfect vacation? A beach house? A lighter schedule? Less work to do?

No. Rest is found in only one place. Deep-down, daily soul rest is found only in the Shelter of the Almighty.

I know the satisfaction and the rest to be found in the Shelter. I’ve been there. It is a wonderful place to be. The problem is, I tend to just go for a visit. I pop in when the hassles of life get to me, when I feel restless and dissatisfied, when things don’t go my way.

Rest is for those who live in the Shelter of the Most High. There is a big difference between living there and taking a quick visit when the need arises. This Shelter is not a vacation home. It is a place to move into permanently - a place to get comfortable in, to hang some picture memories, to snuggle down deep.

I have known the Shelter as a hospital room. When I am hurting or grieving it is the first place I want to run to. I have known the heart-healing of that place.

I have known the Shelter as a refuge. When I am worn out and weary I seek a respite there. In that Shelter I have been refreshed and renewed.

I have known the Shelter as a library of sorts. I have gone there seeking solutions, answers for questions too big for me. I have come away with a heart full of His wisdom.

I have known His Shelter as a place of pure joy. I have worshiped there alone and have celebrated in His presence with the family of believers. I have touched His throne and been transformed again and again and again.

And yet with all these wonderful visits, I have yet to consistently dwell there. I move in and out. I don’t know why. I just sort of drift out until another crisis or an especially beautiful quiet time reminds me that this is where I want to be. I don’t want to be so foolishly fickle. I love it there in the Shelter.

I am coming to realize that the act of dwelling there, really living in the Shelter of the Most High, is a daily decision. No, it’s more like an hourly decision, a moment by moment awareness of the Father.

I can choose to live there when things are good and when they are not. I can live there when the kids are squabbling, when I am a taxi for the teenagers, at the drizzling soccer field, and at the crowded grocery store.

I can live there from the moment I wake up to the time I go to sleep and every moment in between. The Bible tells me that He will keep on giving to me even in my sleep!

But the decision to stay there is mine. The Father will not force me. I must decide if I want to seek Him with all my heart. I must put aside, at times, thoughts and words and actions that do not belong in the Shelter. Just like I make my kids leave their muddy shoes outside in the garage, so must I leave my filth at the altar before I can enter into His presence. He is not expecting perfection-He knows me too well for that. But when He whispers in my ear I must listen and obey lest I push away His Spirit and push myself out of the Shelter.

From my heart,

Diane

Etc:

Names:

Elimelech: My God is King

Naomi: My pleasantness

Mahlon: Sickness

Chilion: Consumption

Ruth: Satisfied

Orpah: Fawn-like

Boaz: Strength1

What’s In a Name?

The most popular names given to babies in 2008 include: Matthew, Ethan, Olivia, Emma, and Alexander.1 One hundred years earlier, in 1908, the top list included names like: Henry, Albert, Harold, Mildred, and Gladys. Only two names made the top ten in both years: William and Elizabeth.

In the United States, names are linked to the era in which a child is born. But in the ancient Middle East, names invariably signified the circumstances under which the child was born. Thus, Rachel, dying in childbirth, named her youngest son Ben-Oni (“my painful son”)2 which her husband quickly changed to Benjamin (“son of the right hand”). Sometimes children were named as a result of his or her parent’s hope for their future. At other times, God Himself stepped in and announced a name before the parents could come up with one of their own (See Isaac’s story in Genesis 17 and John’s story in Luke 1).

Thus, in Scripture, the meaning of someone’s name often sheds light on the significance of that person’s life. Keep that in mind as you read through the book of Ruth.

THANKSGIVING AT OUR HOUSE
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Elizabeth and I have spent the last couple of days in the kitchen together. We've laughed and pondered recipes, remembered funny failures of past Thanksgivings, missed Grandma Ruth's gravy, and Rebekah's pies, and tried our best to convert favorite recipes into some semblance of healthy.

Here's a peek into Thanksgiving at our house. Hope you enjoyed yours as much as we enjoyed ours.

With love and gratitude to all of you,

Diane and Elizabeth

 

(the cooks)

(the dishwashers)

(the food... the vegetables stole the show this year)

(duke enjoying his "clean noodles")

(phil and jackson carving the turkey)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

LETTERS TO MY SON: the needy woman
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Strength and dignity

 are her clothing,

and she smiles at the future.

She opens her mouth in wisdom,

and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

Proverbs 31:25

NASB

Dear son,

So far I’ve talked to you about three kinds of women to avoid: the Manipulator, the Shamer, and the Drama Queen. Every woman I know has these tendencies, including me. These are ways women turn to in order to cope with past hurts or present helplessness.

But we don’t have to become entrenched in manipulation. We don’t have to give in to drama. We can stop it in its tracks if we fully entrust our lives to Jesus. We can humble ourselves, confess our sinful leanings and become beautiful.

But there is one more kind of woman I want to warn you about. I’ll call her the Needy Woman. And I’m not saying no man should ever marry this kind of woman. I’m warning you specifically because of your vision and calling to spiritual leadership in the church. The Needy Woman will engulf an enormous amount of a man’s time and attention in order to bring her to a place of spiritual and emotional dependence on God.

In many ways I was this kind of woman when your dad married me. I was barely 19 years old, mature and responsible on the surface, but dependent and needy whenever my carefully constructed corner of the world hit any sort of turbulence.

Your dad patiently led me into a deeper walk with God, never shaming me for my fearfulness or social inadequacies. But he also did not let my neediness hold him back from fulfilling the ministry he was called to.

To be honest, dear son of mine, I did hold him back. I cried when our monthly calendar planning outlined too many nights alone. I complained about his distraction, got my feelings hurt far too easily. I tried too hard to control a man who was born to lead, not to follow my ideas of a hunky-dory life.

In God’s unexplainable kindness, He matured me by constantly stretching me beyond myself. I wanted to be independent but I had no idea how to depend on God for my strength.  Then when disaster struck and I was diagnosed with progressive hearing lost and told I’d be deaf before long, I fell completely apart. And you know my story because you’ve heard it a hundred times.

God used that diagnosis to bring me into complete dependence on Himself.

To need Him alone. 

No one else could come close to bringing me the relief I needed from the fear and dread I felt at the prospect of going deaf.

That’s why I want you to avoid taking on the responsibility of a needy woman. To stop yourself from assuming that in your great strength you can help a woman whose helplessness may seem so appealing at first.

And though our marriage is strong and my respect for your dad is immense, it could have gone a different direction. Your dad, great spiritual leader that he is, could not have made me strong. He pointed me in the right direction, but I had to go there all by myself. And frankly, the only reason I followed that path to utter dependence on God is because in my failure I saw a terrifying glimpse of who I would become if something didn’t change immediately.

So, from personal experience, let me leave you my list of signs of…

THE NEEDY WOMAN: 

  1. The needy woman is reluctant to go any where without you by her side.
  2. The needy woman always needs more time with you.
  3. The needy woman has no long-term goals of her own to drive her days.
  4. The needy woman gets her feelings hurt frequently.
  5. The needy woman will pull you away from friends and family and want you all to herself.
  6. The needy woman is easily intimidated by strong women.
  7. The needy woman is often critical of people who are different than her.
  8. The needy woman often appeals to a strong man’s strength, but will suck him dry.
  9. The needy woman resists suggestions to broaden her world, preferring to avoid adventure and remain in the confines of her safe structure.
  10. The needy woman requires vast amounts of reassurance, never having enough encouragement to fill her empty reservoir.

Please note, dear son. A needy woman is not bad. She is usually sweet and gentle and full of grace. But your calling will require a wife who is willing to let you go, just like I had to learn to let your dad go. Just like Tammy has to let your brother go. Just like most women of hard driving men have to allow their men space to follow their vision fully.

I love you, Matt, and am praying that you lean on God’s wisdom as you live your life. May He bring you a good and godly wife in His perfect timing.

From my heart,

Mom

 

 

SIMPLE STUFFING
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THANKSGIVING MENU WEEK THREE:

I have been feeling a little uninspired this week.

Not sure what to cook.

Not sure what to write about.

I’ve tried everything I could think of to make a stuffing recipe sound interesting and worth reading about…

I still can’t think of a single thing to say.

The Thanksgiving holiday is all about giving thanks and yet we focus way more on the food then anything else… but is that really so bad?

Taking the time to write up some new recipes for this Thanksgiving series (along with some writers block) has really brought to mind the amazing people in my life who enjoy these dishes every year. It has made me realize how thankful I truly am for them and has made me want to serve them and show them my gratitude though food.

This year, why don’t we think through every dish that goes into the meal and make each dish with a purpose? 

Not just because your grandma made it.

Not just because your mom made it.

Think outside the box and plan your menu with the purpose to delight every member of your family. Even the pickiest of eaters (insert my son’s name here).

When you spend hours in the kitchen and have endless dishes to wash, pray for them and serve them in that moment.

You just might feel inspired and filled with joy in the process.

I’m off to add “clean noodles” (noodles with butter and salt) to my menu for my dearest little Duke.

ENJOY!

Elizabeth

 

SIMPLE STUFFING

INGREDIENTS: 

  • 2 celery stocks - chopped
  • 1 carrot - peeled and chopped
  • 1 onion - chopped
  • 1 leek - ends trimmed and chopped
  • 2 chicken sausage or veggie sausages

*I recommend the ground chicken sausage from Whole Foods or New Seasons in the meat department or the Trader Joe’s Italian Veggie  Sausage

  • 2 T fresh sage
  • 1 T fresh rosemary
  • 2 T fresh basil
  • 3 tsp minced garlic
  • ¼  tsp salt
  • ¼ tsp pepper
  • 3 T earth balance butter or regular butter
  • 5 cups vegetable broth
  • 1 loaf sprouted grain bread – I used Dave’s Killer Bread: Sprouted Wheat
TO MAKE:

Preheat oven to 350F.

Cut the whole loaf of bread into cubes and place on two making sheets. Bake for about 20min, stirring a few times. They should dry out and get a little crispy.

While the bread cubes are baking, melt butter in a large pot and add celery, carrots, leeks, and onions.

Cook for a few minutes until everything begins to soften

Then crumble the sausage into the pan and stir. Then add sage, rosemary, basil, garlic and cook until sausage begins to brown.

Add vegetable broth and let it simmer for a few minutes.

Remove the bread cubes from the oven and transfer them to a large bowl. Pour the broth mixture over the bread cubes and stir well.

Transfer the mixture to a 9x11 baking pan and bake for about 35 - 40 minutes.

ENJOY!

[print_this]

SIMPLE STUFFING

INGREDIENTS: 

  • 2 celery stocks - chopped
  • 1 carrot - peeled and chopped
  • 1 onion - chopped
  • 1 leek - ends trimmed and chopped
  • 2 chicken sausage or veggie sausages

*I recommend the ground chicken sausage from Whole Foods or New Seasons in the meat department or the Trader Joe’s Italian Veggie  Sausage

  • 2 T fresh sage
  • 1 T fresh rosemary
  • 2 T fresh basil
  • 3 tsp minced garlic
  • ¼  tsp salt
  • ¼ tsp pepper
  • 3 T earth balance butter or regular butter
  • 5 cups vegetable broth
  • 1 loaf sprouted grain bread – I used Dave’s Killer Bread: Sprouted Wheat
TO MAKE:

Preheat oven to 350F.

Cut the whole loaf of bread into cubes and place on two making sheets. Bake for about 20min, stirring a few times. They should dry out and get a little crispy.

While the bread cubes are baking, melt butter in a large pot and add celery, carrots, leeks, and onions.

Cook for a few minutes until everything begins to soften

Then crumble the sausage into the pan and stir. Then add sage, rosemary, basil, garlic and cook until sausage begins to brown.

Add vegetable broth and let it simmer for a few minutes.

Remove the bread cubes from the oven and transfer them to a large bowl. Pour the broth mixture over the bread cubes and stir well.

Transfer the mixture to a 9x11 baking pan and bake for about 35 - 40 minutes.

[/print_this]

LETTERS: the drama queen vs. the kind wife
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Strength and dignity

 are her clothing,

and she smiles at the future. 

She opens her mouth in wisdom,

and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. 

Proverbs 31:25

NASB

Dear son,

Can you imagine what it would be like to wake up next to a woman every morning for the rest of your life who “smiles at the future”? A woman who so fully trusts God that even when life is hard and not what she wants, she could find hope and rest? And then spill that bright vision of possibility all over you… and your children… and everyone who steps into her circle of relationship?

Can you imagine what it would be like to live with a woman who is fascinated by you? Who knows who you are with all your flaws and failures, and focuses on the good? Who watches when you mess up and instead of condemning or correcting or sighing or exploding, wraps her arms around you and loves you as you are right then and there?

Can you imagine?

Is that even possible?

Yes, Matt, I believe it is. I believe that a woman can choose to be kind. She’ll mess up sometimes, no doubt, but I believe that God has given every woman who fully gives her life to Him “everything pertaining to life and godliness”. (2 Peter 1:3)

Which means, no woman has to give into all those surging emotions we are born with. We can choose, instead, to bring those wild feelings to the Cross and let God help us work through to wisdom.

It’s not easy. But it’s doable because we serve a Redeemer who never stops redeeming all those raw, wounded, stubborn, self-willed parts of us as long as we let Him.

That said, my dear son, watch out for any woman who has not chosen that path of full surrender. She may be nice and charming and alluring and compelling, but if she’s not fully submitted her will to Him she has the capacity to make your life miserable.

How will you know?

A woman who is still determined to protect herself will be all about herself.

A woman who is determined to submit herself to God will be all about others.

It’s that simple.

Now here are my lists…

THE DRAMA QUEEN:

  1. The Drama Queen always brings the conversation back to herself, her stories, her accomplishments, her feelings.
  2. The Drama Queen decides how much attention she needs from you and lets you know in no uncertain terms if you’ve failed to give her what she needs.
  3. The Drama Queen is thrilled with your successes because it makes her look good, but she’s intolerant of any areas of your life that she deems less than worthy of her approval.
  4. The Drama Queen justifies explosions or sulking as a means of punishing you or others.
  5. The Drama Queen thinks the world revolves around her needs and therefore your life must revolve around her needs.
  6. The Drama Queen can be incredibly generous, but in the end, all her giving is with the expectation of attention and recognition.

THE KIND WOMAN:

  1. The Kind Woman is all about you. Whoever she’s with gets the full focus of her attention and interest.
  2. The Kind Woman does not demand more than you are able to give, though she may gently and honestly bring her needs to your attention.
  3. The Kind Woman waits a while before she acts on how she feels. She is distrustful of her own emotions and hesitant to make judgments based on how she feels. Instead she brings her feelings before the Father and asks for wisdom.
  4. The Kind Woman is not critical. She sees you in the best possible light, openly admiring the man you are.
  5. The Kind Woman adapts herself to you while remaining fully who she is. She brings her beauty to your vision and enhances your life while delighting in her own.

I do believe such women exist, Matthew, and here’s why: I know these kinds of women. They’re not perfect, but my goodness, they’re wonderful to be around. They are women like your Grandma Ruth. They can often be found serving somewhere behind the scenes— stroll through the children’s area at church and you’ll find a whole bevy of Kind Women. Women who are willing to wipe bottoms and corral kids with a smile on their face. Sometimes you can spot a kind woman loving on “the least of these”, people who are different or annoying or less than ideal.

May I respectfully offer one more word of caution?

Kind women are not always beauty queens. They are inclined to be understated rather than flashy. Their beauty may take a second look to discover. I have seen so many of these kind women emerge into breathtaking beauty by the love of their good husbands. There is something about a man finding you worth pursuing that often causes a woman to do more to enhance her beauty, to do her own version of a makeover in recognition of a man’s love of beauty.

You know I am praying for you, Matt, and for the other men who are in this process of preparing for a wife. Be wise. Be kind yourself. Pay attention. Don’t be passive. There is a woman out there just waiting to join her future to yours.

From my heart,

Mom

THANKSGIVING PIES
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THANKSGIVING MENU WEEK TWO: Two things will be missing from Thanksgiving this year… My sister, Rebekah, and her pies.

Growing up, we all had jobs to do on Thanksgiving.

My mom brined the turkey and baked it to perfection….

I made the mashed potatoes and set the dinner table…

And my sister, Rebekah, always made the pies.

Rebekah would spend hours rolling out the dough and crafting beautiful desserts. She and her husband, Steve, live in LA and the miles between here and there don’t allow for much time spent in the kitchen together anymore.

(Beks and I at her wedding a few years ago)

(I miss you big sis)

This year, we are spending Thanksgiving with my family and I will be attempting to take over Rebekah’s pie baking duties.

So… this week's recipes are all about dessert.

I am a little inexperienced when it comes to pie so I’ve been playing in my kitchen this week and have a new one, an old one and a borrowed one to share with you.

FOR THE NEW: below you will find a recipe for No Bake Pumpkin Pie. I know the ingredients may sound a little odd and “healthy tasting” but I promise that you won’t be disappointed if you give it a try.

Traditional pumpkin pie is typically made with heavy cream, sweetened condensed milk and egg yokes. I wanted to lighten it up a bit and create something for those of us who don’t do well with dairy.

FOR THE OLD: a few months ago I posted a recipe for an apple crisp and I prefer it to apple pie any day.

(there is a pan of it sitting on my counter right now and I may or may not have had some with breakfast. And lunch.)

To make it a bit more pie like, use a pie crust (homemade or store bought) to put on the bottom and use the filling and crumble top from the recipe.

FOR THE BORROWED: this berry pie recipe comes from my all time favorite blog for any kind of dessert or treat. Every single recipe she makes is over the top amazing and she uses all real and simple ingredients.

I hope you enjoy one or all three!

Elizabeth

PS: What are some of your favorite Thanksgiving desserts? I’d love to hear what will be making it your table this year!

NO BAKE PUMPKIN PIE

dairy free/gluten free/vegan

INGREDIENTS:

CRUST:

½ C raw almonds

½ C raw cashews

¼ C unsweetened coconut flakes

2 medjool dates

2 tsp coconut oil

1 tsp vanilla

Pint or two of salt

 

FILLING:

1 C canned pumpkin

1 C coconut milk*

2 T almond butter

1 tsp vanilla

8 or 9 dates – pitted and soaked

1 tsp pumpkin pie spice

*For the coconut milk, you want to use the full fat, canned coconut milk. Use as much of the thick, white part as you can. Trader Joe’s has an extra thick can of coconut milk that works really well.

TO MAKE:

Remove the pits from the dates and soak them in a bowl of water while you prepare the crust.

Combine almonds and cashews in a food processor and blend until they are all chopped up. Add dates, coconut oil, coconut flakes, vanilla and salt and blend until it reaches a fine texture but stop blending before it turns into a paste.

Pour the crust mixture into a pie pan and use your fingers to press the mixture into the pan until packed tightly and evenly distributed.

Combine pumpkin, coconut milk, almond butter, vanilla, soaked dates and pumpkin pie spice in a blender and blend on high until all the dates are puréed and mixture is smooth.

Pour mixture onto the crust and smooth with a spatula or knife.

Refrigerate overnight to let it to set and thicken.

TO SERVE:

Top with whipped cream and enjoy!

Here is a great non-dairy whipped cream recipe.

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NO BAKE PUMPKIN PIE

INGREDIENTS:

CRUST:

  • ½ C raw almonds
  • ½ C raw cashews
  • ¼ C unsweetened coconut flakes
  • 2 medjool dates
  • 2 tsp coconut oil
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • Pint or two of salt

FILLING:

  • 1 C canned pumpkin
  • 1 C coconut milk*
  • 2 T almond butter
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 8 or 9 dates – pitted and soaked
  • 1 tsp pumpkin pie spice

*For the coconut milk, you want to use the full fat, canned coconut milk. Use as much of the thick, white part as you can. Trader Joe’s has an extra thick can of coconut milk that works really well.

TO MAKE:

Remove the pits from the dates and soak them in a bowl of water while you prepare the crust.

Combine almonds and cashews in a food processor and blend until they are all chopped up. Add dates, coconut oil, coconut flakes, vanilla and salt and blend until it reaches a fine texture but stop blending before it turns into a paste.

Pour the crust mixture into a pie pan and use your fingers to press the mixture into the pan until packed tightly and evenly distributed.

Combine pumpkin, coconut milk, almond butter, vanilla, soaked dates and pumpkin pie spice in a blender and blend on high until all the dates are puréed and mixture is smooth.

Pour mixture onto the crust and smooth with a spatula or knife.

Refrigerate overnight to let it to set and thicken.

TO SERVE:

Top with whipped cream and enjoy!

Here is a great non-dairy whipped cream recipe.

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MAPLE APPLE CRISP

INGREDIENTS:

  • 5 heaping cups granny smith apples (4-5 apples), pealed and chopped into small chunks or slices
  • 1 T lemon juice
  • 1 T real vanilla
  • ¼ C real maple syrup
  • 1 T cinnamon
  • ¾ C oat flour (whole wheat flour works too but I think the oat flour makes it moister and tastier)
  • ¾ C slow cooking oats
  • 1 C organic brown sugar
  • 5 T Earth Balance butter (or real butter)

TO MAKE:

Mix apples, lemon juice, vanilla, maple syrup, and cinnamon all together and place in a medium or large baking pan.

Combine flour, oats, brown sugar and butter using a pastry knife or fork until butter is in small chunks and ingredients are combined.

Pour topping over apple mixture and bake at 350 for about 50 min. Check it at that point and see if the top is starting to brown and apples are very soft, it may need a bit more time.

*The key is cooking it long enough for everything to get soft enough to melt in your mouth!

TO SERVE:

Enjoy with vanilla ice cream, coconut milk ice cream or pumpkin ice cream!

OTHER VARIATIONS: 

  • You can use a pie crust (I think the store bought ones are the best!) on the bottom and then follow the same instructions if you want it to be more pie like
  • It is also delicious with real caramel syrup drizzled on top!

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LETTERS TO MY SON: the shamer
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Strength and dignityare her clothing, and she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

Proverbs 31:25 NASB

Dear son,

Last week I wrote about four common flaws every woman leans towards when she relies on herself rather than on her Father in the realities of relationships.

These are ways of getting our way.

And I know this because I am a woman and I have utilized every one of these methods to try to get what I want. And it’s not pretty, I know. I’d much rather pretend it isn’t so and talk about beauty and helping and all those wonderful things a woman brings into a man’s life.

But I love you too much for that. And I see a certain naiveté that worries me sometimes. And maybe all men are that way, innocent to the way women are and the way women can be. And so today I want to tell you about another kind of woman: The Shamer.

The Shamer:

Women are idealists. Dreamers. Happily-ever-after believers. Inside these active brains of ours, we plan and project and imagine. And in the process of all that story writing, we create a value system that we believe is absolutely right and good. A way things ought to be.

And mostly that’s good.

But sometimes, when a woman marries a man with somewhat different values, instead of accepting or even embracing that different set of values, the woman works to change the man.

She believes that she is right. And he is wrong. Very wrong.

Let me give you an example I watched unfold:

A woman I know held firmly to a strong work ethic. She had goals and ambitions and dreams about a financially secure future and successful kids and a perfectly ordered life. This woman threw herself all-in to this ideal dream, willing to work hard to make it happen. 

But her husband had different values. He had ideas about a bohemian lifestyle, of following Jesus here and there and wherever. Savings and future and success were nowhere on his radar screen. He wanted to see the world and stay in youth hostels and pick up a little work here and there.

Both of these people were right.

Good ideas, admirable values.

Over time a deep animosity developed between these two wonderful people. The women grew bitter about her “lazy husband” with no ambition and few goals. The husband grew resentful of a wife who always seemed to push too much and to want too much and could never just relax and enjoy the moment.

And over time, this woman got tired of pushing her husband where he didn’t want to go.

So she began to subtly shame him.

At the root of her shaming were two things: a lack of respect and a determination to have her way.

Did she love him? Yes.

Did she respect him? No.

And so, my son, I want you to know what this shaming method looks like in a woman.

  1. A shaming woman is always right.
  2. A shaming woman is often deeply spiritual, drawing ideals from teachings she has heard and seminars she has attended and books she has read and people she admires.
  3. A shaming woman lives what she believes and expects her husband to live what she believes as well.
  4. A shaming woman is quick with “ought-to’s”.
  5. A shaming woman starts by prodding a man along.
  6. A shaming woman draws others into her circle of idealists, using words like “everybody” or “most people” to add weight to her arguments.
  7. A shaming woman jabs subtly in public.
  8. A shaming woman sets up a man for failure so she can say, “I told you so.”
  9. A shaming woman withholds praise and admiration.

Just writing these words makes me shudder, Matthew. No mother wants this for her son. And yet here I am, recognizing some of these very ugliness’s in myself.

I want better for my son, I want better for my husband.

There is no perfect woman. But if a woman will be honest enough to allow the Spirit of God to convict her of wrong doing and wrong thinking and wrong speaking, and if she will then be brave enough to confess her wrong, humbly and without excuse— that is a truly godly woman. Not perfect. But a woman after God’s own heart. One worth pursuing and loving, one who is safe to bring close to your heart.

And so Matt, three questions to ask yourself while you are getting to know her:

  1. Does she speak openly and comfortably about her own imperfections?
  2. Do your values match up? I’m not talking just about the really huge things here like integrity and purity. I mean the everyday values we all have... How we wish to live our lives and what we hope to have in our future.
  3. Is she generous with her admiration and words of affirmation to you?

I love you, Matt. I am so proud of the man you are and stand on tippy toes of anticipation to see the man you will be. Hold out for a woman who sees you as you really are and is delighted with the direction you are choosing for your life.

From my heart,

Mom

 

 

 

RUTH: WEEK 2
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#1 “BUT I WOULD FEED YOU WITH THE FINEST OF THE WHEAT; AND WITH HONEY FROM THE ROCK I WOULD SATISFY YOU.” PSALM 81:16 NASB

#2

Proverbs 2:1-11

Psalm 22:25-31

Psalm 19

Matthew 6:19-34

Psalm 81:16 

#3

More Than One Way

It was Mark Twain who wrote, “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.” And though cat skinning is not on my agenda for today (or any day for that matter), I do believe I understand what he meant.

When obstacles loom large and trying harder doesn’t work, get creative.

Are you finding it impossible to carve out an hour of Bible study with an infant in your arms and a toddler at your feet? You can use these years instead to memorize Scripture, to store up great treasures of wisdom for the years ahead.

It doesn’t take much: a 3x5 card propped on the windowsill by the sink, or clipped to the side of the mirror where you do your make-up, or sitting beside the chair where you rock your babies. You’ll be surprised by how natural it becomes to slip Scripture into your memory as you carry out the mindless tasks that so fill a hurried mother’s day.

And you’ll be even more surprised by how much you’ll rely on those snippets of Scripture when that baby is twelve and the toddler sixteen.

No one told me (or maybe they did and I wasn’t listening) how much I would need specific wisdom when my kids got older. My tidy world of black and white turned impossibly blurry when faced with the myriad judgment calls a mother of teenagers must make.

Should she or shouldn’t she? When is make-up appropriate? What about dances? Dating? Should she climb in the car with that guy? Am I being too strict? Too suspicious? Too naïve? Is it time to let go, or do I need to hold the line a little longer?

You’ll need great gobs of wisdom and discernment and understanding and insight, all of those delectable treasures promised to those who take the time to tuck Scripture into the recesses of their minds.

It’s harder than you think; it’s harder than I thought, and wisdom is just what you’ll need.

From my heart, 

Diane

Etc.

Famine in the Land

“For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities: His eternal power and divine nature have been clearly seen, being understood by what has been made…” Romans 1:20 (NIV)

The Old Testment is brimming with shadows of Kingdom truths illustrated by the natural world. The skies declare God’s glory (Psalm 19:1), water portrays His Spirit (Isaiah 44:3), the rocks affirm God’s strength (Psalm 18:1, 2), and the mountains proclaim His might (Psalm 65:6). Grass shows the transcendence of life (Psalm 90:5), storms symbolize life’s difficult times (Job 30:22), and the sunrise calls forth songs of joy (Psalm 65:8).

But some Kingdom truths are harder to swallow than others. Just as periods of peace remind us of God’s goodness, periods of famine throughout the Bible give us a taste of true hunger: hunger that results from a people, or a nation, or an individual’s turning away from God.

God gives a warning to His chosen people about the dire consequences of disobedience in Deuteronomy 28, one of the worst of which is famine: “Because you did not serve the Lord your God with joy and a glad heart, for the abundance of all things; therefore you shall serve your enemies…in hunger, in nakedness, and in the lack of all things…” (vs. 47, 48).

Though Israel’s famine may have been directly linked to drought, or crop failure, or the devastation of the land by their enemies, her lack was always a result of not trusting and following God in obedience.

In the same way, we are warned in Leviticus 26:14-15, “Disobedience causes your soul to suffer.” Even with our plethora of grocery stores, restaurants, and fast food, famine of the soul runs rampant. Just look. Some of the “famine shadows” in the Old Testament include:

Disease (Jeremiah 14:18).

Destroying one’s children (Deuteronomy 28:47-57).

Captivity or bondage (Jeremiah 15:2).

Exile or alienation (Ezekiel 5:12).

Nakedness, shame (Deuteronomy 28:47).

Earthquakes, upheaval (Matthew 24:7).

An inability to hear the words of the Lord (Amos 8:11).1

Historically, God used famine to bring His people back to Himself. Abraham experienced famine (Genesis 12:10), as did Jacob (Genesis 26:1), and Joseph (Genesis 41-50). And through it all, God drew these men into a relationship with Himself by building up their faith through His provision and His sovereignty in their lives.

“I am the Bread of Life,

he who comes to Me will never be hungry

and he who believes on

and cleaves to

and trusts in

and relies on Me

will never thirst

any moreat

any time.”

John 6:35

(Amplified Bible)

BALSAMIC ROASTED GREEN BEANS + MAPLE SAGE CASHEWS
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THANKSGIVING MENU WEEK ONE: There is kind of a Thanksgiving code… a way most of us do Thanksgiving.

Eat whatever you want.

Eat as much as you want.

Take a nap.

Eat dessert.

We all know that we Americans go a little (or a lot) overboard when it comes to our food intake on this glorious holiday.

In fact, we even have articles and websites devoted to “stretching your stomach to accommodate more food” and “how to overcome the post-meal bloat”.

I am all for enjoying amazing food and eating to your hearts content on Thanksgiving day… but how many of us love the leftovers even more than the meal itself?

If you are anything like my family, the Thanksgiving meal is enjoyed for several consecutive days!

So, you do the math. If we make a bunch of not-so-great for you dishes for Thanksgiving, we will most likely be filling our bodies with those ingredients for several days to follow… not just one meal.

What if we could indulge in delicious food on Thanksgiving and use real and fresh ingredients that will fuel your body of the days to come instead of inducing a weeklong food coma?

I’m not talking about eating Tofurky and boiled carrots. I’m talking about mouthwatering, delicious, flavor-packed and nutrient rich foods.

For the next few weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, I will be sharing some recipes I’ve been working on for our Thanksgiving meal this year as well as some favorites from years past and from some of my favorite food blogs.

I’d love to hear what you have planned as well! Feel free to ask questions and share ideas with all of us!

ENJOY!

Elizabeth

PS: at the bottom of this post you will also find my mom's recipe she uses every year to brine her turkey. It is the best turkey there is!

BALSAMIC ROASTED GREEN BEANS + MAPLE SAGE CASHEWS

Serves 10-12

MAPLE SAGE CASHEWS:

INGREDIENTS:

¼ C maple syrup

1 T earth balance butter (or real butter)

2 tsp finely chopped sage (lightly packed)

½ t sea salt

1/8 t cayenne pepper (more if you want a little more kick)

1 ¼ C raw cashews

TO MAKE:

Preheat oven to 375F.

In a small saucepan, heat syrup and butter on low until the butter is melted. Add chopped sage, sea salt and cayenne pepper. Stir well.

Remove from heat and stir in cashews. Coat evenly.

*there will be a little bit of excess liquid but it will absorb into the cashews when baked.

Spread cashew mixture over parchment paper on a baking sheet.

Bake for 25 minutes, stirring every 5 minutes. Stirring is important so they don’t burn!

Let them cool completely before removing from the baking sheet.

*you may have to break them apart a little if they stick together after they cool.

 

BALSAMIC ROASTED GREEN BEANS:

INGREDIENTS:

8 C fresh or frozen green beans (about two pounds)

1 T olive oil

3 T  balsamic vinegar

1 T maple syrup

1 T minced garlic

3/4 t sea salt

1/3 C dried cranberries

TO MAKE:

Preheat oven to 400F

Stir together olive oil, balsamic vinegar, minced garlic and salt.

Cover two baking sheets with foil and spread the green beans each sheet evenly.

*I used the organic frozen green beans from Costco but I would try fresh green beans next time for a crisper texture. Either one works great though!

Drizzle the balsamic mixture over each baking tray and stir well until the beans are evenly coated.

Bake for about 20 minutes or until the edges of the green beans get a little brown.

TO SERVE:

Spread green beans on a large plate or tray and sprinkle the maple sage cashews and dried cranberries over the top.

ENJOY!

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BALSAMIC ROASTED GREEN BEANS + MAPLE SAGE CASHEWS

Serves 8 - 10

MAPLE SAGE CASHEWS:

INGREDIENTS:

  • ¼ C maple syrup
  • 1 T earth balance butter (or real butter)
  • 2 tsp finely chopped sage (lightly packed)
  • ½ t sea salt
  • 1/8 t cayenne pepper (more if you want a little more kick)
  • 1 ¼ C raw cashews

TO MAKE:

  • Preheat oven to 375F.
  • In a small saucepan, heat syrup and butter on low until the butter is melted. Add chopped sage, sea salt and cayenne pepper. Stir well.
  • Remove from heat and stir in cashews. Coat evenly.
  • *there will be a little bit of excess liquid but it will absorb into the cashews when baked.
  • Spread cashew mixture over parchment paper on a baking sheet.
  • Bake for 25 minutes, stirring every 5 minutes. Stirring is important so they don’t burn!
  • Let them cool completely before removing from the baking sheet.
  • *you may have to break them apart a little if they stick together after they cool.

BALSAMIC ROASTED GREEN BEANS:

INGREDIENTS:

  • 8 C fresh or frozen green beans (about two pounds
  • 1 T olive oil
  • 3 T C balsamic vinegar
  • 1 T maple syrup
  • 1 T minced garlic
  • 3/4 t sea salt
  • 1/3 C dried cranberries

TO MAKE:

  • Preheat oven to 400F
  • Stir together olive oil, balsamic vinegar, minced garlic and salt.
  • Cover two baking sheets with foil and spread the green beans each sheet evenly.
  • *I used the organic frozen green beans but I would try fresh green beans next time for a crisper texture. Either one works great though!
  • Drizzle the balsamic mixture over each baking tray and stir well until the beans are evenly coated.
  • Bake for about 20 minutes or until the edges of the green beans get a little brown.

TO SERVE:

Spread green beans on a large plate or tray and sprinkle the maple sage cashews and dried cranberries over the top.

ENJOY!

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DIANE'S TURKEY BRINE:

  • 16 quarts water
  • 1 ½ c kosher salt
  • 1 ½ c pure maple syrup
  • 4 T black peppercorns
  • 16 garlic cloves, crushed
  • 2 lemons, thinly sliced

To prepare the brine, combine all ingredients in a large stockpot, stirring until the salt dissolves.

To prepare the turkey, remove giblets and neck from the turkey. Rinse turkey with cold water; pat dry, trim excess fat.

To brine the turkey, I place it in a plastic garbage sack, which I then put in a large ice chest. Then I carefully pour the brine over the turkey until it is well covered. Tie it up tight and the leakage is minimal. Surround the bag with ice and close it up.

If you have a large enough pot, it would be easier to put the whole thing in the fridge to brine. But who has a pot big enough for a 24-pound turkey?

Allow at least 24 hours for the turkey to soak in the brine.

On Thanksgiving morning, remove the turkey from the brine; pat dry. Starting at the neck cavity, loosen the skin from breast and drumsticks by inserting fingers, gently pushing between skin and meat. Rub thyme mixture under loosened skin, sprinkle inside body cavity.

At this point, I put some of my sausage stuffing into the cavities of the turkey. The stuffing will be somewhat sweet. Do not over fill the cavity. I put the rest of my stuffing into the crock-pot and add plenty of broth so it doesn’t dry out.

Roast the turkey as per directions on the wrapping. After about an hour, start to baste it with the cola/syrup mixture every so often.

I love to use the drippings to make gravy with- but its sweet, so I also usually buy good gravy at Trader Joe’s for those who prefer a more traditional gravy on their turkey and mashed potatoes.

That’s it! Hope you enjoy it as much as we do.

SPICE RUB:

  • 4 T minced fresh thyme
  • 2 T dried rubbed sage
  • 2 T poultry seasoning
  • 1 t black pepper
  • 8 garlic cloves, chopped
  • 4 onions, quartered (I use red onions mostly because they turn a burgundy color)

COLA SYRUP

  • 2 C cola (not sugar free! I use the stuff from Trader Joe’s, as it’s not so full of unpronounceable additives)
  • 1 C pure maple syrup

Boil cola and syrup in a small saucepan for one minute or so until it thickens up a bit.

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WHY I ALMOST DIDN'T GET MARRIED: by allison vesterfelt
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I knew Ally (Spots) Vesterfelt when she was just a gangly little girl who played Barbies and house and horses with my daughter, Rebekah. She comes from a home rich with wisdom and overflowing with love and she’s grown into a woman of beauty all the way through.

Last week I saw this post on her blog and I knew I needed to show it to you..

I want you to be encouraged, dear women who read this. I want you to see that God brings together broken people and makes something wondrous out of the messy process of becoming one.

Sometimes the truth is sharp and we get poked by what we wish wasn’t true about ourselves. But God’s way is never to hide or pretend. Instead, Jesus audaciously argued that the truth will set us free! 

And so, my dear sons and daughters, read carefully. There is truth here that will free you for all the beauty God has designed for you to relish.

From my heart,

Diane

WHY I ALMOST DIDN'T GET MARRIED: by allison vesterfelt

It was a Monday afternoon — "Black Monday" as we would refer to it later, half joking, half still stinging from the pain of it all — that I told my husband I was sorry, but I couldn't marry him.

This is the part of the story we don't like to tell.

We had argued. Over something dumb, but it always starts with something dumb, doesn't it? Before we knew it, it had escalated from "something dumb" to cheap shots we were taking at each other, making sure no one person walked away feeling more pain than the other. We drudged up all the good stuff. All the insecurities, all the history, all the previous grievances and baggage. No stone left unturned. No rules. Just ammunition.

And at the end of it all, I just said it. I can't marry you.

It wasn't a threat. It wasn't more ammunition. It was real, genuine concern for what loomed ahead of us the next few weeks, months, years. Our lifetime. It was fear rising up, like last night's spicy dinner in the back of my throat. Fear that we had misread the signals, that I had mis-stepped somewhere along the way, fear that, if I didn't hit the breaks, we would spend a lifetime like this.

Fighting. Hating. Taking swings at the person we loved most.

"I give up." I told him.

These were the words coming out of my mouth, but the thoughts racing through my mind were about the hundreds of invitations that had already been delivered to people all over the country. They were about the dress, made from expensive fabric, that had already been measured to suit my body perfectly. They were about my parents, and his parents, and each of our siblings.

We hadn't "tied the knot" yet, but our lives were already knotted together, intertwined with memories and loved ones and shared relationships and experiences. If we called it quits now, there would be so much unraveling to do.

In my mind, I was untying all of the knots.

I was peddling backwards, mentally undoing all that had been done.

He wasn't. He was moving toward me. His expression softened. He reached for my hands. He looked in my eyes. "I'm really sorry," he said. "I was being really selfish. We can work this out," he promised. Gently, he grabbed my face in his hands and, as tears streamed down my cheeks, he said,

"Will you please trust me?"

I did. I trusted him enough to go to dinner with him that night, where we sat for hours and talked about what had happened, why we had fought the way that we had, and how we would prevent a fight like that from ever happening again. I trusted him each time he moved forward in humility, enough to follow suit. I apologizing the way he had, offered forgiveness the way he had, softened my expression the way he was, confessed my insecurity, just like him.

Less than a month later, we stood at the altar and said "I do," and each breathed a sigh of relief because we had made it.

We were married.

What I didn't know, or at least didn't think about, was that Black Monday wasn't the last time we would fight. Not even close. It wasn't the last time we would drudge up old baggage and hit each other below the belt. It wasn't the last time we would, almost unknowingly, try untying emotional and physical knots that bound us so securely, beautifully and painfully together.

It wasn't the last time we would try to protect ourselves before the other.

In fact, it was more the first time than the last.

It was the first time we would choose to stick it out, even when it didn't feel good. It was the first time we would trust each other enough to humble ourselves in the heat of a moment. It was the first  time we would apologize, trusting that if one of us went first, the other would soon follow — or that if they didn't, it was because they were hurting, not because they were mean.

It was the first time we would give the other space to be imperfect.

Our first chance to practice the art of grace.

Each time we do it we get better, the way an infant learns to walk, first scooting, then crawling, then pulling himself up on the corners of coffee tables. Sometimes he falls, and he hits his face on the edge of the table. When that happens, he cries, because it hurts. But a few minutes later he gets up and tries again, because, well, this is the only way.

It's the only way to discover all this big, beautiful world has to offer.

"I can't promise you that we won't fight," my husband told me that night at dinner.

"I can't promise you that I won't mess up, or that I won't hurt you, or that I won't do something to make you really angry. In fact I can promise you that I will do those things. What I can promise you is that you can trust me. I pick you. I won't ever give up on you."

And we've been learning to walk ever since.

Allison Vesterfelt
Writer, Blogger
(Allison is a writer and thinker who is becoming brave enough to live and tell the truth. She loves her job as the Editor-in-Chief of Prodigal Magazine, where she gets to help people live and tell good stories. She has one foot in Portland, OR, and one in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Her forthcoming book, Packing Light is due to release in September 2013. She also loves being married to her husband Darrell.)
RUTH: week 1
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Once Upon a Time: Ruth 1:1-5

Like a riveting drama, the book of Ruth opens upon a scene of conflict and confusion. A family journeys away from their home and identity in search of an illusion of security. Troubled times in the land of their birth, prompt them to seek their fortunes elsewhere. Away from their extended family and far from their God, they sojourn, then they enter, and they remain with a people who worship the violent, irrational god called Chemosh.

Chaos ensues.

First, the father dies, leaving Naomi with her two sons to fend for herself. The sons marry and sink their roots deeper into the culture of Moab, a country whose practices are anathema to everything they were raised to believe. After a decade of adapting to their adopted land, both sons suddenly die, leaving three widows in their wake.

The scene is set in just a few short sentences. No grand display of emotion, no weeping and wailing, not even a haunting dirge playing in the background. Just the facts. But those facts are staggering, their implications posing impossible odds for Naomi. She scrambles to undo the irreversible harm done ten years previously, when, against all wisdom, her husband led their family away from their land, Israel, and away from their God, Yahweh.

In the weeks ahead, we’ll be delving deeper into the drama of our own lives. How do you handle adversity? What do you do when your heart aches for satisfaction? When emotional or relational famine leaves you high and dry?

The answer, of course, is to plant your heart firmly beside what Psalm 1 describes as “streams of water” the Word of God. There, we thrive and flourish no matter what the circumstances of our story dictate.

#1:

“… CRAVE PURE SPIRITUAL MILK SO THAT BY IT YOU MAY GROW UP IN YOUR SALVATION.”

I PETER 2:2B NIV

 #2:

Ruth 1:1-5

Matthew 4:23-5:6

1 Peter 1:25-2:3

Hebrews 5:14-6:12

Isaiah 55

 #3:

Are You Hungry?

Have you ever been on a diet? How about those liquid-only ones? The instructions sound so convincing: “Just drink these lovely drinks which will fill you up, imparting loads of energy without the dreaded calories of real food. You’ll be svelte and slim in no time.”

Give me a break!

Not that I haven’t tried it, mind you. It’s just that I haven’t succeeded. I do okay for a day. In fact, I feel rather proud of myself, energized and motivated to finally “do it this time.” But by day two I start fixating on food. The slightest whiff of toast in the morning makes me crave a luscious, crispy, jam-laden hunk of life-giving bread. You get the picture.

No, starvation diets don’t work because the hungrier you are, the more you start to earnestly long for food to fill your empty belly.

Hunger is real. And if left unattended, it can weaken you. Elimelech looked on in anguish as his family suffered the agonizing effects of genuine hunger. Naomi lost weight, not because she wanted to fit into tight jeans, but because she hadn’t enough to eat. His boys failed to thrive, whining for more when their bowls were empty. As he watched their cupboards empty and faced the prospect of weeks and months of subsistence living, Elimelech came to the conclusion that he must act now to satisfy his desperate need for food. He must solve the hunger problem.

Elimelech is not the only one. You and I try to solve our own hunger problem whether we know it or not. In fact, some of us get to the very end of our lives before we realize that the messes we have caused along the way were actually the consequences of an undernourished life.

Let me explain.

Way back in Deuteronomy, when God is laying out His instructions for His people in order that “it might be well with them and their sons forever” (Deuteronomy 5:29), He makes a curious claim about hunger:

“…He humbled you and let you be hungry,

and fed you with manna

which you did not know,

that He might make you understand that

man does not live by bread alone,

but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the Lord.”

(Deuteronomy 8:3)

Or, as the New Living Translation so poetically puts it:

“…He did it to teach you that people need more than bread for their life;

real life comes by feeding on every word of the LORD.”

God caused their hunger. He didn’t just allow it. It didn’t slip by Him without notice. He let them feel the full force of the pain of their own hunger for a purpose: in order to teach His chosen, beloved people that “real life comes by feeding on every word of the LORD”.

So I ask you - “Are you hungry?” Have you experienced real, starvation-induced heart hunger? And, have you yet discovered the satisfaction that comes from truly feasting on His every word?

Just as your body can become gaunt from not enough good food, so your soul will show symptoms when you are languishing. And just as I’ve experienced all sorts of self-induced hunger on an ever-elusive quest for leanness, I know all too well those signs of soul hunger. Do you have any of these symptoms?

In the area of relationships…

  • Are you a control freak? Do you wonder why others are getting in the way of what you want, why they don’t do what you want, or why they don’t understand what you want?
  • Are you growing contentious? Aggravated when “nobody can’t do nothin’ right!”
  • Is conflict making you feel that “everybody-is-against-me-nobody-loves-me-woe-is-me!”
  • Is competitiveness driving you to need to be better than everyone else?

In your hidden heart…

Are you disappointed that life and dreams and relationships haven’t brought the happiness you were so sure they would when you started out?

Are you depressed that there is no hope for improvement, no new dreams to inspire, nothing to get you up in the morning?

Are you sensing despair? (And don’t think for a minute that Christians never experience this!) King David asked himself this very question, “Why are you in despair, O my soul?”

And have you, like Elimelech tried to find solutions for your starvation symptoms? Have you tried to alleviate those hunger pangs by bingeing on what the Bible metaphorically calls the “lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the boastful pride of life?”

Have you found yourself buying a new outfit to make you feel better about yourself, clawing your way up the corporate ladder to prove yourself, striving to create the perfect home in order to paint a perfect picture of yourself? Maybe even flirting with men to bring attention to yourself?

And how far has it led?

How much debt has it caused you? How much alienation and exhaustion? What about shame?

All of these, and more, are simply signs that you are hungry. You are not getting enough food. Or you’re pigging out on the wrong kinds of food. You’ve been dieting too long, buying into the notion that “Devotions in One Minute a Day” will satisfy your soul. And it doesn’t. Just as food-less dieting doesn’t work, Word-less living leaves you and me weak and vulnerable.

So, this week, I prescribe real food. Go and gather that Manna, that Bread of Life which can be “ground and beat and boiled and made into cakes” (look it up in Numbers 11). Get up a little earlier, get your “cooking utensils” out the night before, and be ready for a feast…and an end to hunger.

From my heart,

Diane

ETC.

The Famine

The story of Ruth happened during a time of severe and significant famine. We’re not talking an economic downturn here. It was a national meltdown. Think widespread poverty and complete panic. The Great Depression of BC 1200.

It is widely believed that this story transpired sometime before Gideon became judge over Israel, (though no one knows for certain). In Gideon’s time, a famine occurred which was more a political than an agricultural disaster. Crop conditions were excellent, the fields filled with the rich produce of the region. Everyone anticipated a good year. But just as harvest day dawned, a swarming army of nomadic raiders (the Bedouins from the desert region of Midian) invaded Israel, stealing the crops, the sheep, the oxen, and even their donkeys. A full years’ work devastated in one fell swoop.

These Bedouin nomads did not want to destroy the Israelites, nor did they attempt to take over their land. The camel-riding Midianites simply swooped in like locusts and emptied their cupboards, leaving the land and the people poor and destitute, with just enough supplies to survive to plant next year’s crop. And all of this went on for seven years!

No wonder Gideon, Elimelech, and quite possibly every man, woman, and child in Israel were desperately looking for relief.

 

PUMPKIN SPICE GRANOLA
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Crisp orange leaves that crunch beneath your feet. Bins overflowing with pumpkins and squash outside every grocery store.

Apple cider, apple pie, homemade applesauce.

That’s right, FALL IS HERE! 

(you know you are a true Oregonian when the first rainy day of the season feels like Christmas morning... sometimes I forget that I'm actually a Californian)

I’m am so excited to be back cooking with you and ready to share some new fall recipes that have been making it to our table these past few weeks.

A few things to note before we get cooking… and eating…

  1. If you are curious what this page is all about, click at the top of the page where it says “learn more about The Kitchen”.
  2. In these weekly posts you can count on finding plant based meals that are pretty easy to make and use all real and fresh ingredients. I am passionate about sharing recipes that satisfy your taste buds AND benefit the body God has given you.
  3. You should be warned butternut squash is now in season and I’m slightly obsessed. I will try not to bombard you with too much of it but I make no promises.
  4. All of the warm comfort foods and baked goodness we love to enjoy on cold rainy days can be made with real ingredients and actually be good for you! I will do my best to recreate some of those “comfort” foods and be sure to pack them with fresh and healthy ingredients.
  5. I would love to hear from you! Please leave comments and feel free to ask questions. It fuels me to keep creating when I am in conversation with you!

ENJOY!

Elizabeth

PUMPKIN SPICE GRANOLA

INGREDIENTS:

4 C  oats (slow cooking)

1 C chopped pecans

1 T pumpkin pie spice

¼ t salt

 

½ C canned pumpkin

¼ C real maple syrup

¼ C honey

¼ C coconut oil

 

1 C raisins or dried cranberries

TO MAKE:

Preheat oven to 300F.

In a large bowl combine oats, pecans, pumpkin pie spice and salt in a bowl and stir well.

In a smaller bowl combine pumpkin, maple syrup, honey and coconut oil and whisk all together. It’s ok if there are small clumps of coconut oil after you have mixed it all up.

Add wet mixture to dry mixture and stir well. Make sure that you evenly coat the oat mixture.

Divide into two baking sheets and spread it out so that you have a thin layer on each sheet.

Bake for about 45 minutes total, stirring half way through. You want the granola to get brown and crispy.

Allow it to cool completely, then mix in the raisins.

TO SERVE:

We love it with unsweetened vanilla almond milk. It is also delicious with fresh fruit on top.

ENJOY!

[print_this]

INGREDIENTS:

  • 4 C  oats (slow cooking)
  • 1 C chopped pecans
  • 1 T pumpkin pie spice
  • ¼ t salt
  • ½ C canned pumpkin
  • ¼ C real maple syrup
  • ¼ C honey
  • ¼ C coconut oil
  • 1 C raisins or dried cranberries

TO MAKE:

Preheat oven to 300F.

In a large bowl combine oats, pecans, pumpkin pie spice and salt in a bowl and stir well.

In a smaller bowl combine pumpkin, maple syrup, honey and coconut oil and whisk all together. It’s ok if there are small clumps of coconut oil after you have mixed it all up.

Bake for about 45 minutes total, stirring half way through. You want the granola to get brown and crispy.

Allow it to cool completely, then mix in the raisins.

TO SERVE:

We love it with unsweetened vanilla almond milk. It is also delicious with fresh fruit on top.

 [/print_this]
LETTERS TO MY SON: the manipulator
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 Strength and dignityare her clothing, and she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

Proverbs 31:25 NASB

Dear son,

These words of advice from King Lemuel’s mother to her son hold a wealth of wisdom. She is painting a picture of a wife who “will not hinder him but help him all her life”. In fact, this kind of woman “will greatly enrich his life”. (Proverbs 31:10,11 NLT)

And that is what I want for you, Matthew— a wife who will greatly enrich and bring help and delight into your life.

But there are other kinds of women, dear son. Women who hinder. Women who bite. Women who cannot be depended upon because of hidden ugliness.

For the next few weeks I want to help you learn how to spot some of the subtle attitudes common in women who hurt rather than help their men.

And I know these things, dear son of mine, because I recognize them in me.

These uglinesses I am about to describe are common to every woman. But we each have choices to make— will I give in to my urge to control and manipulate and demand and punish, justifying my sin and blaming others? Or will I fall on my face in deep repentance and beg the Father to take my brokenness and make me beautiful?

Here are the four most common ways women “hinder” (NLT) or “do evil” (NASB) to men:

  1. Manipulation
  2. Neediness
  3. Drama
  4. Shame

The Manipulator:

Every woman falls into this trap, Matthew. It is our default mode when we don’t get what we want, or when we suspect we might not get what we want, or when we want to make absolutely sure we will get what we want when we want it and then some.

And honestly, it works!

We do this so subtly that most men have no clue what’s really going on. They just feel a vaguely uncomfortable sense that something is not right. It’s confusing, I know, but if you will pay attention, the patterns are not hard to spot. Here are my own observations:

How to know when you’re being manipulated:

  1. Manipulation almost always involves extreme temperatures. Hot, volatile anger or cold, rigid bitterness.
  2. A manipulator leaves the targeted person confused. He knows something is wrong but he cannot for the life of him figure out what.
  3. The manipulator focuses on one flaw in order to justify her anger.
  4. She’ll often make a big deal out of a minor mistake in order to get what she wants.
  5. The manipulator does not understand you. She does not give grace to cover over your less-than-idealness. She wants you to change, to be who she wants you to be.
  6. Sometimes the manipulator will crumble in a heap of feminine despair. “I’m so bad nobody loves me…” But she wants your sympathy, your encouragement, not your honest evaluation and certainly not true repentance.
  7. The manipulator will use her sexual allure to get you and keep you before you are married.
  8. Then she’ll use your sexual hungers to control you by requiring you to jump through her hoops before she’ll give herself to you.
  9. The manipulator is not straightforward. She cannot tell you exactly what is wrong, nor will she accept her own responsibility in conflict.
  10. 10.  The manipulator often tries to separate you from your friends. But sometimes she will try to endear herself to your friends. Confusing, I know.

Matthew, it takes time to identify manipulation. It is a subtle sin. If you are alert and you give yourself time to live life together, to walk through conflict, to experience ups and downs, to be less than perfect, you will be able to spot it.

Trust your own warning signals. If you often feel guilty and confused after a conflict listen to that caution. Ask the Spirit of God to give you insight below the surface.

And ask yourself these questions:

  1. Does she like you exactly as you are? Or does she like the general idea of you but wish you would change?
  2. Can you be fully you in her presence? Or do you find yourself quieting down, being careful, withdrawing a little?
  3. Does she get mad at you a lot? Does she withdraw into a cold shell of indifference? Does she rage?
  4. Does she entice you and then push you away?
  5. Do you feel subtly pushed by her? Is she trying to move the relationship forward faster than you are comfortable with?

Part of me wishes I didn’t even have to talk about this. Like I am unveiling ugliness and exposing you to what I wish I could ignore. But I love you too much for that, Matt. And I want so much more for you. I want for you a wife who will be your helper, your partner, your friend and your joyous lover.

Be wise, my son. Listen to your heart. Listen to the Spirit. Ask for wisdom and then wait for God’s clear answer. He promises to give generously to those who trust in Him.

From my heart,

Mom

PS: Dear girls who are listening in,

I laid awake last night worrying about the two young women who wrote to me yesterday with sadness lacing their words. They felt defeated and discouraged by my description of the manipulative woman, seeing far too much of themselves in that list. I vascilated in those middle of the night hours between feeling a heavy ache for their shame and a holy anger at the evil one who would twist my words to tempt these precious women to defeat.

How dare that enemy of ours suggest to these girls that they are incapable of redemption! How dare he shame them into hiding, suggesting that no godly man will want a woman who is struggling her way out of this sinful pattern!

But he did and he does and that makes me so angry!

So here’s what I want you to hear:

In no way do I mean to imply that if you fall into this common trap of manipulative control, your boyfriends should dump you! We’d all be single if they did that! Is there a woman alive who does not see herself somewhere on this list? I’m still, after 4 decades of walking with Jesus, seeing my patterns of manipulation come back and bite me. And yet my godly husband loves me and leads me and often times calls me on my not-so-subtle attempt to control.

At the same time, may I gently advise you to take your fears to the foot of the Cross, allow Jesus to cover those patterns of sinful manipulation, and confess those doings as wrong? That’s the only way to freedom. Then lets gather our closest friends around to help us be women of truth. We have got to be honest with each other and with ourselves.

And dear girls, please don’t let the enemy shame you any further. His grace is able to change even the most deeply rooted tendencies. Isn’t that the whole point of His death for us? He is a Redeemer!

I love you dear seekers of His heart,

Diane

 

Hello
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Hello! Welcome to our newly redecorated and reorganized site at He Speaks In The Silence.

I hope you will take some time to meander through the blog and see what we’ve been up to. We will still be making some changes here and there over the next few weeks and I’ll be adding pictures and descriptions of my family as well as the team who make this blog happen.

We will be offering fresh posts nearly every day.

On Mondays I will continue the series of Letters To My Son. I just can’t seem to find enough space to tell him all I want him to know about choosing and pursuing a woman to be his wife someday.

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday will be spillovers from my own time of listening to God early in the morning with my Bible as my guide. These will be short, in the moment Glimpses straight from the Scriptures.

Friday is Elizabeth’s day in The Kitchen to bring you fresh, wholesome recipes and ideas to try on your own. We’ll also occasionally feature women who have elevated the tasks involved in making a home into art and beauty.

Every Saturday we’ll be posting from a Bible Study I wrote and taught on the story of Ruth. We’ve formatted it to be used either all alone, curled up in your favorite chair, or with your best friends gathered close and a few others added in.

On Sundays we’ll be featuring a favorite Scripture or two. I’m going through my marked up Bible and giving you some of the verses and phrases and simple truths that have caught my heart and changed the way I think.

And that’s our week!

It is my hope that this will be a place of encouragement and instruction.

That in reading these words and entering my world you will become captivated by Jesus. That you will see how He works and hear how He speaks. And that by knowing how He has helped and taught me, you will want more Him.

May I suggest that you subscribe to have fresh posts delivered straight to your inbox? I’d love to ask questions from time to time of those on our email list, just be sure I’m writing about the things that concern you.

I am humbled and so very grateful to be a part of your life.

From my heart,

Diane