(photo by Abi Porter)

repost/5.2012

This morning I woke up with tight shoulders, jaw clenched, an anxious knot in my gut…

worried.

Tossing my hair in a pony tail, I fed the dog, started the water for my tea, lit a candle, gathered my Bible and books, cuddled into my big chair and…

worried.

Stirring milk and sugar into my steaming mug, I reached for the yellow pad of paper that serves as my journal/planner/thought catcher and…

worried.

I scribbled down all angst about being too busy…

and not having time to do the important things…

and when will I ever accomplish what I want when I have to clean the basement… and the garage is a mess…

and I’m clean out of veggies…

and how in the world can I eat a plant-based diet…

when I don’t even have time to go buy the plants we’re supposed to eat?

No wonder I woke up worried.

By now you’re laughing at me… I can hear it… or maybe that’s my Father chuckling way off where I’ve been ignoring Him in the midst of my fussing.

Because all I have to worry about is not worry-worthy.

No catastrophes, no fearful awfulness invading my world.

Unlike so many women I care about, I’m not awaiting tests to determine if something terrible is wrong. The bills are paid on time. My husband still loves me despite my glaring deficiencies…

John Mark and Tammy and Jude and Moses and Sunday and Rebekah and Steve and Brook and Elizabeth and Duke and Scarlet and Matthew are all learning and growing and tucked into the Father.

And yet… I am worried.

And my Father knows all about that. With gentleness He pries my eyes from my worries to the pages of His Word.

Romans 12 is His feeding for me today:

“And so dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God.

Let them be a living and holy sacrifice— the kind He will accept.

When you think of what He has done for you, is this too much to ask? 

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world,

 but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.

Then you will know what God wants you to do,

and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect His will really is.”

Bingo!

Lights flashing! Load rolling off my uptight back!

God wants to change the way I think.

To take this roiling, messy, time wasting worry away from me and show me what to do.

Something good and pleasing and perfect in every way.

And He does. He did.

Speaking in tones so calm and firm and sure and just a little bit stern,

I hear His Voice over all my worry and I listen to His way for my day.

So simple. So right.

Why didn’t I think of that?

I smile and sip my tea and the rain outside seems soft and good, my day lined up all pleasing and perfect in every way.

His way.

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. How about you? Have you heard His words to you today? Have you listened? Can you tell us how He’s met you in the midst of your worry and shown you His way? Your story just might be His way of transforming us by changing the way we think…

(source)

Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant

nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain,

but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.

Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.

In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age,

so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life. 

1 Timothy 6:17-18

(NIV)

Balaam was an interesting guy. His story resonates with that restless I so often sense inside of me.

He was drawn to godliness, intrigued by God’s people, danced around the edges of what Paul called “the life that is truly life”.  And yet Balaam just wouldn’t let go of what he was certain he needed.

He needed more money. He craved prestige. He’d do about anything for a good word of approval and praise.

I can so relate…

This morning I woke up restless again. Worried again. Uptight and fretful and without joy  again.

I delved right into the Word without so much as a Hello, God, how are You? I had a list to cross off and I was behind on my list. Again.

Deuteronomy chapter 11 was first. All about the blessings of obedience and the misery of disobedience. In spite of my task oriented determination to fly through a few chapters fast this morning, my heart just stuck right here.

Why don’t I feel blessed? Why am I so… grim?

What’s wrong with me?

I couldn’t think of any outright disobedience. No obvious sin came to my mind.

Except…

I felt a little Balaam-ish… wanting, striving, craving MORE.

More perfection in my slightly messy home. Surely if I get my house cleaned up just so, then I’ll be happy.

More things crossed off my list. Surely if I can just get ahead of all these tasks that need doing, then I’ll be happy.

More approval from people. Surely if I do something, that person who is so critical will like me and then I’d be happy.

More stuff. Surely, if my sofa wasn’t sagging and my carpet was newer and my fridge worked better, then I’d be happy.

And suddenly I know exactly what’s wrong with me. Like Balaam, I’m skirting around the edges of the life that is truly life, unable to fully embrace that life because I’m clinging to other gods.

And the One true God, the One who calls Himself my Father, just won’t have it. He insists on being enough.

What sweet relief! Joy! I feel the start of a smile unclench my grimness.

He is enough!

I don’t need a perfectly clean and alphabetically ordered life.

I don’t need everyone to like me all the time.

I certainly don’t need a new sofa when mine is nicely broken in and slightly tattered, just right for grandkids and good friends and my coffee-sloshing family.

I don’t know if I’ll ever learn this lesson enough to not forget again… but I’m so thankful for my Father’s reminder this morning.

He is enough for me. More than enough.

He, and He alone, satisfies my cravings. He, and He alone, is what I long for.

It is His perfection I want. His beauty I need. His newness every morning that fills me with that wonderful sense of acquiring something really good— something great.

I’m still behind on my list, still surrounded by imperfection, still sitting on my sagging sofa…

and all settled into that life He gives…

From my heart,

Diane

And you? Have you figured out what it is you’re craving? Dare you be honest enough to let us know and give us hope? I’d love to learn from you…