I had big plans this morning.

A long list of to-do’s on a project I want finished in the next few days. To get it done I’ve been up extra early every morning, focusing on what needs doing, falling in bed at the end of the day so tired all I feel is numb.

I thought I needed to work this relentlessly… for God… for my husband… for the ministry to parents we lead together.

I’ve pushed away Phil’s hints that maybe it can wait, that I’m trying too hard, that this pushing isn’t worth what it does to me.

Surely, I thought, God wants this now. He needs this book to inspire parents. All these interruptions just need to be managed better, I need to be more organized, move faster, push myself just a little harder to eek out a little more.

Then this morning something changed.

A friend had sent a homemade candle in a canning jar along with a bag full of fresh greens from his garden. This friend is under real pressure, the kind that only a single dad with a heart full of love for his children can understand.

Me, I’m under pressure because I chose it.

As I lit that little candle and watched it flicker in the shadows of my cabin in the woods— its fragrance reminding me of lemons and verbena and salads fresh from the earth—I couldn’t help but wonder how he’d found the time to make something beautiful for his friends.

A song of my childhood sounded like the tinkle of a music box to my ears that hear nothing,

This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine…

let it shine, let it shine, let it shine. 

And then His words filtered through the lingering melody and I heard,

In Him was life and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it… those who were His own did not receive Him…

John 1v 4,5,11

His own had missed His coming into their world.

And for just a moment so had I. Caught up in serving Him, I’d somehow forgotten.

I’d pushed myself past my God-tuned rhythm and tried to be better, faster, more disciplined and committed and… I’d become tense and uptight and too tired to be who He made me to be.

I am not a super-achiever. I am not a multi-tasking, amazing spinner of many plates at the same time. When I try, I leave a trail of broken china and love-deprived people behind.

God made me slow. A ponderer. A delighter in beauty. A relisher of words. A tidier of cupboards who finds wonder in small things.

That’s who He wants me to be— the true me.

When I rush and manage and go faster than I can, I deprive Him—

and my people— of me. The one He likes just as I am.

I stare outside my window and see the glistening of silk strands in the spruce tree. A spider’s trail.

My dog lies waiting for his walk, his limpid eyes letting me know he’s willing whenever I am. Soon the day will radiate the heat of the almost—summer sun and neither of us will want to go.

Could my list wait? Might He bring inspiration on a platter of trust? Might slowing down to the rhythm of God-in-me be just the way to what He wants… for me, for mine, for the work He’s assigned for me to do?

Everything changes with that love-made candle. Such a simple thing. I am righted once again, smiling, listening.

Maybe I won’t get my project done on my self-imposed timeline. Maybe it will take longer and end up better just because I listened to the tune of His song for me.

Maybe I’ll go on a walk right now and listen just a little more.

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. What are you learning about your own pace? Are you slow like me or a sprinter who loves the feeling of rushing between rests? I’d love to hear.

Thursday was a whirlwind. I woke up looking forward to the day and with a To Do list packed full.

Duke and I were going to have a morning around the house of playing, working out, getting ready and tidying up.

Then we were headed to make a quick stop by Brook’s new office to say hello.

Then off to my mom’s house so Duke could take a nap there while I went grocery shopping for us and for my brother (his wife had been in Uganda for 5 weeks while they adopted my new niece!)

I was just slightly looking forward to grocery shopping by myself. Not that going with Duke isn’t wonderful… just a bit different of an experience.

I had a two-hour window to go to Costco, Winco and Trader Joe’s and be back to pick up Duke and take John Mark his groceries.

I pulled up to the Costco parking lot with a massive downpour enveloping my car and realized I had forgotten my phone. Normally this wouldn’t be a big deal but I am 9.5 months pregnant and could go into labor at any moment.

I thought for a minute about going back to get it but then decided to just shop as quick as I could and hope my water didn’t break.

I buzzed through Costco and Winco… getting SOAKED in each parking lot and then headed to Trader Joe’s.

At this point my “relaxing” time of grocery shopping all alone was not feeling the way I had envisioned.

I pulled into Trader Joe’s, got out my list and realized something…

Everything on John Mark’s list was from Trader Joe’s.

John Mark’s list was on my phone.

My phone was at my parent’s house.

Stress level rising.

To make my long day shorter…

I ended up getting home at 8:30 that night , putting Duke to bed, eating dinner after 9  and falling exhausted into bed as soon as Brook got home at 10.

Needless to say, my day didn’t work out the way I’d planned.

Instead of feeling accomplished and satisfied at the end of the day, I was exhausted, frazzled, and wishing I had been able to finish my laundry, sweep my floor and cross everything off my list of things to do.

Yet this morning I awoke earlier then usual and God had something waiting for me.

I opened by Bible to Luke 10 and the story of Martha and Mary jumped off the page to me in a whole new way.

I have always resonated with Martha and am certainly a woman who gets wrapped up in tasks. In fact, I often enjoy the tasks. Yet, I can get consumed by them and lose sight of what else God might have for me in the day.

Jesus says:

Luke 10: 41

“Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”

This verse sums up my Thursday. I was worried and bothered instead of choosing to sit at Jesus’ feet.

My floors will stay clean only until my husband and son come running down the halls, filling our home with laughter and joy.

My To Do list will always have something new to be added as soon as something old is crossed off.

My laundry will be finished for a few fleeting moments before Duke spills lunch on his t-shirt.

My grocery shopping will be complete until I get home and realize I forgot bananas.

Yet these are the very things that give my life meaning and purpose. They show that my life is filled with people… and people are so much more important then tasks.

I am speaking from a place of weakness and asking God to give me strength. Will you ask Him to the same for you?

In the passage immediately following, Jesus speaks to his disciples about prayer:

Luke 11:9-10

"So I say to you, ask and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock; and it will be opened to you. For anyone who asks receives; and he who seeks, finds; and him who knocks it will be opened.”

Often His answers are different then what we would picture.

They may not come in more time to accomplish tasks.

They may come in the form of more interruptions that seemingly create more tasks.

But may we remember to sit at His feet, first. Asking what His will is for today.

From a mom who is learning,

Elizabeth

PS: In light of what God is teaching me this week… I’m taking the time to enjoy my family this week and rest a bit before we add a new baby girl.

But I don’t want to leave you empty handed in the recipe department so I wanted to link you to one of our favorite treats on these stormy days. ENJOY!