Hi Friends! You may have come to the blog this morning looking for a new post in our series called He's Not Your Prince Charming and... well.. there isn't one this week.

Why?

Mom's a bit tired from doing something she's dreamed of doing for many years.

This past weekend my parent's (Phil and Diane Comer) spent two days with hundred's of young parent's pouring real life wisdom into them on how to raise pastionate Jesus followers.

They've spent the past several months working on a training called INTENTIONAL to teach parent's what the scriptures say about raising children who love God with passion and people on purpose.

Lives and future lives where changed this weekend.

Mom will be back next week with a fresh post in the Charming series!

Enjoy the day,

Elizabeth

Ruth 4v18-22

Epilogue (Part One)

(Click here to listen to the seventh teaching of Ruth)

Verse of the Week

“SEEK THE LORD AND HIS STRENGTH: SEEK HIS FACE CONTINUALLY” 1 Chronicles 16v11 NASB

More Word from the Father

1 Corinthians 10v1-14

1 Peter 3v3-6

1 Peter 5v6,7

1 Peter 4v8

1 Corinthians 13

Psalm 23

From my Heart

Who Am I?

“I do not want you to be unaware, brethren…with most of them God was not well-pleased…” (1 Corinthians 10v1, 5)

What a terrible and terrifying indictment! In referring back to “our fathers,” God gives this less-than-satisfactory summary of their lives. Then He gives a list: they craved evil things, they were idolaters, they acted immorally, they grumbled…

Uh-oh, sounds like me. I fit right into that list.

“Now these things happened to them as an example and they were written for our instruction…” (1 Corinthians 10v11)

Okay, I see. Instead of condemning them as hopeless, God writes their stories to show me what I ought to be like and what I should avoid at all costs. Instead of just issuing commands, He gives me examples, both good and bad. And that’s why we study the lives of the men and women recorded in Scripture.

The Old Testament is rich with stories. Between the tragic tales in the book of Judges and the trying escapades recorded in the books of Samuel lies this almost hidden gem of Ruth. Each character is easily identifiable. I can relate to Ruth, grieve with Naomi, give up on Orpah, shun those women around the well, and fall head over heels in love with Boaz. Yet these stories are meant for more than a history lesson. They are intended to instruct us in the ways of Yahweh and in the tendencies of His followers. We would do well to read carefully, to put ourselves in the places the Patriarchs walked, to listen, and to learn.

Let’s take a look at the characters in the story of Ruth to see how we measure up.

Naomi

She let Satan’s lie sink straight to her bones. It’s a lie he’s been using since the beginning of mankind - the idea that God is holding back His goodness; that He just might not have our best interests in mind. That He’s not nice. And as long as she nourished that little tidbit of falsehood, Naomi failed to thrive. She grew bitter and joyless. Hesed was happening all around her and she just couldn’t taste it.

Is that me? Am I feeling sorry for myself? Am I inwardly dissatisfied with God’s provision for me? Is all my worry and fussing an indication that I don’t really, honestly believe that He is able and willing to take care of me and mine?

Ruth

She went after God with the most appealing combination of humility and determination. Nothing would stop her; not the disapproval of people, nor the scolding of Naomi. Not even the looming specter of starvation could deter her. That girl poured every inch of her heart into pursuing God. And in the process, she won over her skeptics. By dying to her dreams, Ruth stepped right under the shadow of the wings of the Almighty, allowing Him to write her happily-ever-after ending.

What about me? Have I grown somewhat lackadaisical in my personal pursuit of God? Kinda lazy? Expecting Him to throw me a bit of wisdom just when I need it instead of storing up His treasures every opportunity I can grab? Am I gleaning - hot and sweaty out in the fields, searching for food?

Orpah

She gave up. Too hot, too hard, she turned back to the easier way. The old way. Orpah turned to the idols she was comfortable with rather than risk following Yahweh. Those idols of her heart gave her a sense of quick satisfaction.

What idols do I turn to? How about you?

A glass of wine, a bowl of ice cream to ease the stress of the day? An ungodly boyfriend? How about a shopping spree to pick me up? Or a mindless movie? What do I turn to? When I am all poured out, how do I fill back up?

The servant in charge

I like this guy. When Boaz inquired about the new worker in the field, the supervisor gave a glowing report about her progress. He made sure that her reputation was unblemished and utterly honest. Not one mention of any unrest among the other workers at her presence. No words of gossip or innuendo. He praised her hard work and let Boaz know that she was a welcome addition to his fields.

Do I do that? Or am I quick to point out the faults and flaws of others? Am I poking my nose in business I really don’t need to know? Can I be depended upon to let other’s share their own stories, knowing when it’s their story to tell and not mine? Am I willing to keep my mouth shut on stuff that doesn’t really matter? Do I believe the best about people?

The women

Twice in the story we hear of them. Once, right at the beginning when Naomi dumps her load of bitterness all over them in an unsolicited display of drama. And then again, right towards the end when they turn around and bless her. These women jump into the story with their own unsolicited commentary, making sure that Naomi knows and notices the good hand of God in her life. They bless God and they bless Naomi in a sort of sing-song vision for her future happiness.

Is that my tendency? Do I listen unjudgmentally when my sisters need to unload on me? Or do I lift my shotgun of Bible verses at them and blast away? These precious friends let Naomi vent without censorship. They listened. They watched. And then they applauded her story, giving God a standing ovation of praise. How must the angels have grinned! Maybe they joined in.

What about my kids? Do I let them question and complain from time to time, or do I shut them down and shame them for their rawness? One thing about the book of Ruth, the Author didn’t leave anything out. Nor did God defend Himself. He just let the story play out to its conclusion, letting lessons be learned little by little, all in good time.

And then of course, there’s Elimelech

He ran. He lost sight of what was most important (his relationship with God) and lost himself in the pursuit of pleasure and plenty. And he died doing it. What about his sons? There’s no telling how old they were when they left the Promised Land to follow their dad to Moab, but they were certainly old enough to decide for themselves to marry those Moabite women. They died too.

Oh, there are lessons to be learned alright. Life lessons to soak in and savor. The book of Ruth is rich with wisdom and insight into the Kingdom of God compared to the comforts of life.

While you read it, lean a little closer and listen carefully.

From my heart,

Diane

ETC

Four Women

The genealogy at the end of Ruth is copied almost verbatim in the genealogy of Jesus found in the first chapter of Matthew. One significant addition, however, differentiates the lists. In Jesus’ genealogy, the names of four women are highlighted - Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, and Bathsheba. Why did the author include these four women? The inclusion of any women would have been considered inappropriate at the time of the writing. The place of women in society was downplayed; they were considered insignificant to the story. But these women were something of a black spot on the family tree. Why mention them at all? There must be a reason.

As we delve deeper into their stories, take some time to examine what these tales tell us about the women - and about the God they adopted as their own.

Ten Generations

Perez

Hezron

Ram

Amminadab

Nahshon

Salmon

Boaz

Obed

Jesse

David

Ruth 4v13-17

Ever After (Part Five)

(Click here to listen to the sixth Ruth teaching)

Verse of the Week

“…NO ONE TAKES YOUR JOY AWAY FROM YOU.” John 16v22 NASB

More Words from the Father 

Philippians 1v1-11

Philippians 2

Philippians 3v14-21

From my Heart

Pages from the past: March 1987

Waiting

Waiting…so much of our life is spent waiting.

Such a lot of our time is spent on boring, mundane details.

Yet fulfillment does not come

from excitement, adventure, challenge, importance;

but from doing the will of the Father

with all our heart and soul.

The purpose of my life is not to do something

big and important for God,

but to empty myself,

to be a “clay vessel,” as it were.

To be used and used up by God

in everything I do.

Thus the mundane is of eternal importance,

the boring, an adventure in spiritual enlightenment.

The Creator of the Universe, the Savior of all peoples,

the Comforter of our hearts-working

in and through me!

Magnificent wonder!

Thank You Lord.

From my heart,

Diane

ETC

When Does Life Begin?

Dare I answer this question? No, definitely not. Let the scientists, biologists, politicians, and activists argue, blog, chant, and pass their laws. I wouldn’t dare poke my head in their conversations.

But God, the creator of life, does dare.

I’ve listed a few of the Scriptures most frequently referred to which give God’s answer to the question:

1. Psalm 139V13-15 -The Psalmist sings of this life-affirming truth-

“For You created my inmost being

You knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from You

when I was made in the secret place,

When I was woven together in the depth of the earth,

Your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

Were written in Your book

Before one of them came to be.”

2. Luke 1v44 -Elizabeth tells Mary of her unborn child’s response to the presence of Jesus-

“As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears,

The baby in my womb leaped for joy.”

3. Jeremiah 1v5 -The prophet Jeremiah recognized God’s appointment before birth-

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,

Before you were born I set you apart…”

4. Isaiah 49v1 -The prophet Isaiah describes his calling before birth-

“Before I was born the Lord called me…”

The Scriptures make it crystal clear that life begins at conception, blossoms at birth, and bears the image of the Creator throughout all the days of our lives. So we’ll let the talking heads argue all they want while we celebrate God’s affirmation of the worth of every human life.

EPILOGUE

The End

Ruth 4v18-22

Seemingly tacked on to the end of our story is this list of names. Not much of a read, just five short verses - one long sentence. We usually let our eyes just sort of skip this part. Genealogies seem like simply a list of hard to pronounce names, of little interest to our hurried lives.

But wait.

Hold on.

Look closer.

There are ten names brought to our attention. And each of these names represents a real man, with a real wife, and real kids. A family. And in every family lives a story - God’s story-involving love and laughter, dreams and drama. His-Story.

Just as you and I cry out to be known and seen as significant, so these stories of real people call from the pages of our Bibles to be examined and explored. Who were these people? How is it that their lives followed a path that put their families into the back story of the King of Israel? They begot royalty. Somehow they laid a foundation for future greatness.

Let’s take some time this week to turn aside from our usual rush and dig up some of these jewels of wisdom dropped around the treasure of God’s Word. Let’s snoop and explore, reading between the lines and coloring in the lives of these men who God chose to mention in the closing lines of Ruth.

You might just discover your own keys to the Kingdom.

Dear Girls,

What to do when you don’t know what to do with difficult differences...

We’ve talked quite a bit about handling conflict for the past few weeks. It told you about our first fight, then about four things I wish I’d known when I married Phil (Tip#1), (Tip#2), (Tip#3), (Tip#4)— things that would have cut down on conflict and made it easier to come to a place of peace.

Today I want to talk about the best way to handle those areas of your personality that don’t fit very well with your husband, or your boyfriend, or your friend-who-might-turn-into-more. I’m not talking about major sins or mistreatment or the kinds of things that must be confronted and dealt with— just those clashing points that come up over and over again.

Differences that make life difficult. 

But first, I think I need to open up our lives just a little more in order to make this so practical that you’ll really know what to do when you don’t know what to do… Here’s reality at our house: Phil and I are polar opposites.

He is a crazy extrovert. Which means that he never tires of being together. Phil’s idea of a good day is all about companionship and talking and me coming along as he does what he needs to do. He wants to experience life together. That’s wonderful, right? Well…. I am a raging introvert. Which means that I crave time alone. My idea of a good day is all about aloneness. Space. Time to think inside myself and not talk, then write about what I’ve been pondering and reading. I crave time alone.

As if that’s enough to polarize the two of us, there’s this: Phil makes decisions by examining and eliminating all the negatives. Because of this he makes really good decisions. But the process is… negative. Every possible problem must be looked at. Every solution rethought to make sure its right. Over and over again. I have a low tolerance for negativity. I want everyone to be happy, happy, happy all the time. All that examining and processing can seem overwhelmingly negative to me.  And since happy all the time is not realistic… we sometimes clash.

So… what to do?  How can Phil and I… and you and whoever it is you are called to love, reconcile all those differences while remaining true and loyal and lovely to each other… and our own selves? And since next Monday I’ll be posting The Solution, for now I just want to unveil the way women deal with these differences by default.

These are our go-to modes of overcoming those differences that cause difficulties in relationships.

Default method #1: Ignore it

This is when I just brush away the irritation and pretend it isn’t there. I look away. Hide. Play nice.

For years and years I tried this. I thought it was the valiant thing to do. After all, I reasoned, Love covers a multitude of sins so I’ll just cover over this and hope it goes away. Only what really happens is we start to stack all those clashing differences into a stone wall. And over time that stone wall becomes impregnable until we take sledge hammers out to knock it down.

And that’s a messy and inevitably hurtful process. Or worse, we stuff and stuff and some small incident blows all that stuffed stuff way out of proportion. And that’s another messy and inevitably hurtful process.

Default method #2: Grin and bear it

This method is an outgrowth of default method #1.  A little more honest, but just as ineffective. This is when I decide, through gritted teeth, to accept him as he is. So when he does something I don’t like I just pretend to be okay with it and blame myself and slather a smile over my face.

It doesn’t work for long. Inevitably my smile slips and shows the frown of disapproval underneath. Or I withdraw into a silent funk, unreachable, unresponsive, cold. What man wants that kind of companionship? Ugh.

Default method #3: Fix it

When ignoring it doesn’t work, and grinning and bearing it leaves us with more of a grimace than a grin, most of us set to work to try to fix it.

I’ve tried this a million times. And even with a humble husband who receives my “suggestions” seriously, this has never once worked. Instead I leave the poor man feeling poked and jostled and generally disliked. For instance, when I want to neaten him up a little. Not for my sake of course… this is most certainly in his own best interest. (please note the hint of sarcasm here!)

So I zip his brief case, mention for the umpteenth time that its not designed to be filled so full, remind him that Steve (our amazingly talented son-in-law) would be appalled at how pushed out of shape the case has become, and try to “help” him tidy it up. Which leaves Phil feeling shamed, disrespected, and uncomfortably dishonored. Not exactly a friendly way to love my man.

Not one of these default methods of dealing with differences honors my husband. Nor do they work in the long haul. Oh, he may try for a while to please you, but eventually that trying wears him out and he goes back to being who he is.

And all three of our defective default methods slip you and me into that contentious woman category so bluntly described in the book of Proverbs. These verses just make me cringe… “It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.”Proverbs 21v9 NASB

Or, as the Amplified Bible drives it home… “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a nagging, quarrelsome, and faultfinding woman.” Proverbs 21v9 Amplified

As if to make sure we get it, the writer of Proverbs repeats his frustration just a few chapters later… “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”Proverbs 25v24 NIV

And then there’s the one we Northwesters fully get… “A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping.” Proverbs 19:13 NLT

I refuse to underline those verses in my Bible. And every month when my Bible reading takes me to those chapters… every 19th, every 21st, every 25th, something in me shrinks back at the shear honesty of the description.

Drip…drip…drip…

And when I walk into our upstairs bathroom, there I see it again. Unbeknownst to us, our shower was leaking for a long time, dripping inside the walls. And though its been fixed now, the damage is there. Swollen baseboards, contorted wood, painted over ugliness.

Dear girls, we’ve got to stop the leaking of our frustrations onto our men. We can’t ignore it. Grinning and bearing it will not work. And our manic attempts to fix him only lead to ugliness.

Remember what I said about confession? Maybe you and I just ought to take a little time alone with the Father and talk to Him honestly right now…

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. Can you see yourself here? Do you try to ignore your differences? Are you pretending? Raising a ruckus by determining to fix it? Can you leave a comment that will encourage us all to be honest with ourselves?

P.S.S. The Solution… next Monday

Ruth 4v13-17

Ever After (Part Four) 

(Click here to listen to the sixth Ruth teaching)

Verse of the Week

“…THE EARS OF THE DEAF WILL BE UNSTOPPED.” Isaiah 35v5b NASB

More Words from the Father

Isaiah 35v3-10

1 Thessalonians 4v13-18

Mark 7v31-37

Revelation 21

Isaiah 25v6-7

From my Heart

Someday

Someday all sorrow will be gone.

The hurts and pains and grief that mark our lives will be but a distant memory. Instead, delight will come bursting into our hearts and minds. We’ll giggle and dance and laugh out loud, unable to contain our joy.

Someday all worry will be gone.

The stress, the worries we push to the corners of our minds. The prayers we pray in panic for people we love. The underlying anxiety. Poof! Gone. And in place of all those nasty peace stealers will be trust. Absolute, unerring, unwavering trust in the One who holds the world in His hands.

Someday all fear will be gone.

Fear of the future. Fear of the past. Fear of people. Fear of pain. No longer will fear be the architect of our plans. Instead we’ll dream-and dream big. Walking with the Creator of the Universe, we’ll be so free from the fear that held us back that we’ll expound our ideas and expand on His to the delight of us both. Can’t you just see it? Arms waving, faces alight with the possibilities. We’ll be free!

Someday all anger will be gone.

We’ll never again hear it or sense it or see it in others. And we’ll never again feel it ourselves. No more seething silently. No more exhausting explosions. Grace will blanket everything and everyone. Love will be so palatable then, that we’ll forget what rage feels like. We’ll scratch our heads and wonder what happened back then, before this place.

And someday I’ll be able to hear again.

The tinkling of bells. The fall of raindrops. The whisper of the wind. Birds will sound beautiful. The full-throated croak of a frog will send me, no doubt, into peals of laughter. And a creak of a cricket - crisp and clear over the morning air.

I’ll never, ever again pretend to hear someone. Never watch lips move and wonder what to do - ask again or nod my head and hope for the best? Words and sounds will float to me, enveloping me in their music, enrapturing my whole self.

And I’ll sing. Yes I will! Loud and unabashedly proud, I’ll sing when I’m alone and when I’m surrounded by singers. No worries about missed notes or monotone. My voice will carry over the waves in rich, lovely tones of praise. Maybe I’ll even grab a microphone just so everyone will know it’s me!

Someday. Someday soon.

I know, I know…I know that the now of my life matters. I have work to do. My Master has called me to walk a while here, to keep my eyes off my troubles, fixed firmly on His face.

I know.

But still, someday beckons. I’ll be home then. Reveling in that place He meant for me all along. And I’m going to hear those hoped for words, I know I will. Despite my failures, my gross inadequacies, and my horrendous hypocrisy - I’m going to hear Him say,

“Oh Di, my good and faithful servant…Come…enter into Joy!”

Someday.

From my heart,

Diane

ETC

Words

Laqah

“So Boaz took Ruth…”

The Hebrew word laqah is translated brought, acquired, selected, took, or marry. The word itself changes meaning with its context. Here in the context of a wedding ceremony, it takes on the meaning of marriage. Boaz married Ruth. But it means more than that. Boaz selected Ruth. The entire story romances his selection of Ruth as his bride. Of all the women he could have picked, Boaz sought out and selected Ruth.

This is the same word used in Deuteronomy 4v34 to describe God’s choosing of the people of Israel out of all the other nations to be His own people. The concept of being chosen by God reverberates throughout the book of Ruth and spills onto the pages of the entire Bible. Boaz’s selection of Ruth as his wife is a beautiful picture of Jesus’ choosing of us to be His bride.

For reasons we will never fully grasp, God sought us and bought us, and brought us into His protection and love. In a very real sense, God laqah you!

Ruth 4v13-17

Ever After (Part Three)

(Click here to listen to the sixth Ruth teaching)

Verse of the Week

“SO LET US KNOW, LET US PRESS ON TO KNOW THE LORD…” Hosea 6v1 NASB

More words from the Father

Hosea 6v1-3

Jeremiah 9v23,24

2 Peter 1v1-8

John 17v3

Colossians 1v9-12

Philippians 3v8-14

Psalm 89v15-18

From my heart

Press On!

“Oh that we might know the Lord! Let us press on to know Him!” Hosea 6v3 (NLT)

Just a few days ago I watched as my daughter, her brown eyes sparkling with joy, brightly echoed her wedding vows to the man who now held her heart in his hands.

“…in joy and in sorrow,

in sickness and in health,

‘til death do us part…

I so promise.”

My own eyes, brimming with unshed tears, locked on to my husband as he administered those vows to our daughter and her soon-to-be husband. Suddenly, it seemed, the decades rolled back and it was this man who stood before me, his bride. That day, he towered above me in his cream colored tux, while I stood on my tippy toes in anticipation of all that I dreamed of.

But did I really know him?

I knew a lot about him. He was tall, lanky, with brilliant blue eyes and wavy hair that mussed out of shape with the slightest breeze. And he had the largest hands I’d ever seen. I loved those hands and I still do; the way his hand swallows mine in a warm grip of assurance. I also knew he was cool. A drummer who could sing, he wore desert boots and aviator shades and drove a souped up 1970 LeMans.

I knew a lot about his personality, of course. I knew he was moody and intense, a man of strong convictions and quick intelligence. I knew he was always in a hurry, rushing at a sometimes frantic pace, embracing every opportunity to do more. I thought I knew he’d be a good dad; after all, he seemed to love to play with children. Of one thing I was certain - I wanted this man. I longed for him, longed to know him, to keep him as my own.

The Bible speaks of a woman “knowing” her husband in an intimate relationship with the same verbiage it uses to describe our knowing God intimately. To know God is to uncover who He is, what He wants, how He loves, what tickles His fancy, what angers Him, what brings tears to His eyes.

When Hosea cried, “Let us press on to know the Lord,” he wasn’t urging us to gather more information about God, so much as to mold our minds and design our lives so as to step into His world and know His heart. Down through the centuries, his words echo as a resounding exhortation to intentionally determine to know God.

But how?

In a woman’s world full of diapers and dishes, deadlines and dual incomes, how can we add something so weighty as knowing God to the mix? Can’t that wait until the kids are grown, the bills are paid, and all these messy relationships are untangled?

Someday, we say, we’ll focus on spiritual things. For now, just attempting to read my Bible a few days a week and go to church a few times a month feels heroic.

Yet now is when we need this knowing of Him. Now, when the relationships are tricky, while the kids are underfoot, and bills hover over our heads. Like compound interest, every little bit you and I tuck away of Him yields an accumulated weight of wisdom which we need for living life.

And it’s not so hard, really. Learning to know God is not so different from learning to know the man you love. In fact, unclouded by selfishness and sin, knowing God may be a whole lot easier. Here are a few ways I’ve found to help me be intentional about pressing on to know Him.

1. Spend time reading, studying, listening to His words in Scripture. Layer upon layer, delving ever deeper to uncover treasures of His heart.

2. Ask questions, lots and lots of questions, while listening to His Word. “What does this mean?” “Why did this happen?” “What does He want from me?” “When?” “How?”

3. Memorize key words of His so they stay with you throughout the daily-ness of life, resounding in your ears until they become part of you and change the way you think.

4. Talk to Him. Bring Him your troubles, both large and small, knowing He genuinely cares about what you care about and He wants you to tell Him.

5. Delight in Him. Become wrapped up in Him; noticing His beauty, His creativity, His kindness, and the wisdom of His ways.

6. Open your heart to His family. Learn to value His people, to like them - even to love them. Being with other members of the Father’s family will teach you much about His heart. You’ll see glimpses of God reflected in His people. You’ll hear stories of how He’s dealt with their difficulties, and you’ll get more and more of an idea of the way He is.

When it comes to a relationship with God, disinterest leads to a slow and certain death. Deliberately focusing your notice on Him, pressing on to know Him, takes effort, intentionality, and determination. And every minute is worth it.

Some day you and I are going to stand at another wedding. We, the bride, will look into the face of our Bridegroom, Jesus, and we’ll cling to His hands and promise to love Him forever and ever.

So for now, my dear sister, let us press on to know the Lord!

From my heart,

Diane

ETC

The Wedding Ceremony in Ancient Israel

Wedding ceremonies in ancient Israel involved two distinctive, yet interwoven, aspects. First of all, of course, was the grand celebration which marked so many aspects of Jewish life. These were a people who had been encouraged by their God to come together often for intentional times of thanksgiving and feasting.

They knew how to party!

For seven days, the couple’s friends and relatives were entertained by the family of the groom. Wine flowed freely while food groaned on the tables. Guests were expected to wear their finest clothing for the dancing and feasting. In the Song of Solomon, we see a picture of a royal wedding with the bride being carried to the event in a sedan chair. She wore embroidered garments and beautiful jewelry. A veil covered her face. The groom, wearing an elaborate headdress, brought his bride to a wedding chamber to consummate the marriage.

There was another, more business-like side to the wedding ceremony in Old Testament times as well. This was a serious contractual agreement between families. The father of the bride was paid a “bride price” in order to compensate for the loss of his daughter. That money was kept in the family and reverted to the wife if her husband died.

Simple vows, stating the commitment of the husband to provide for his wife and to protect her, were symbolically sealed by the man covering his bride with the corner of his garment. The marriage was expected to produce heirs, especially male heirs, in order to carry on the family lineage.

Ruth and Boaz’s wedding seemed to forgo much of the formality of traditional Jewish ceremonies. Friends and family simply gathered around the couple in joyous celebration, giving them the gift of wise words and happy predictions of a blessed future. The legal contracts were sealed as witnesses looked on and the couple were whisked away to begin their life together…

...and to live happily ever after!

Packing List Item #4

Dear Girls,

Yesterday, I wrote to you with a simple strategy for dealing with conflict in a grace-filled way: be slow to blame.

When I decided to stop blaming either one of us for the other’s reaction, life just got nicer. Our relationship went smoother. Slights could be overlooked, not such a big deal.

It was a lesson learned the hard way for me, after too many late-night arguments that just couldn’t be resolved no matter how hard we tried.

Today I have one last simple truth to pass on to you. Another one of those I wish I’d known all those years ago when Phil and I were first married.

Packing List Item #4:  Be quick to confess.

When I was growing up my parents taught me to say I’m sorry. It was a way of getting out of trouble more than anything else. As a perpetual people pleaser, that phrase soon became my way of making sure nobody was mad at me. I’m sorry was supposed to make everything okay. And so I managed to I’m sorry myself out of most conflict.

Then I married Phil.

Somehow my I’m sorrys failed to have the same effect on Phil as they’d had on my parents. He didn’t just shrug his shoulders and cluck his tongue in silent disapproval over my immaturity.

Instead my loose words hurt him. My cold withdrawal wounded his heart towards me. It didn’t take long to realize that my failure to walk in the Spirit had the power to actually do harm to my husband.

And that’s when I learned the powerful healing that comes with confession.

The word for confession as it is used in the New Testament means simply, to agree with God. It is to see my sin for what it is— a black, harmful choice I make to do wrong.

Genuine confession begins first of all with a deeply spiritual sense of conviction. Somewhere nagging at my insides starts an insistent voice. It sounds subtly different than that shaming voice we speak to ourselves. These are words that woo us into the truth.

If we will learn to listen, to stop in our tracks and pay attention to that voice rather than slap it away like an irritating insect, we have an opportunity to sync our spirit with the Spirit of God.

And girls, this takes practice. Especially if, like me, you’ve spent years of your life coughing up incessant I’m sorry’s.

In this era of transparency and openness I am surprised at how seldom we actually choke out the word sin when describing our own responses.

We have “issues”. We “struggle”. But sin? That’s usually reserved for the really awful stuff like murder and adultery.

Yet when I roll my eyes and heave a great sigh when Phil does something that irritates me… that is sin.

When I spout off in frustration at yet another mess left for poor-me to clean up, because nobody cares about keeping this house clean but poor-me, and why-oh-why won’t anybody help poor-me… that is sin.

Sin.

Sin against the man I love, and sin against the God who gave His life so that I wouldn’t have to wallow in that kind of soul-sucking muck.

And that is what confession is all about.

It is recognizing that what I did was wrong.

It is refusing to blame others for the way I acted.

It is agreeing with God that I don’t have to react that way anymore because He has broken the chains that once held me hostage.

It is realizing once again that I am free to choose a better way.

If we will learn to lean into that voice of Spirit-inspired conviction, then for one sacred moment we will hear those soul-healing whispers; words that offer relief and rest rather than shame and guilt. Freedom.

God transforms our offering of honest humility into an almost unrecognizable beauty— not because we tried so hard to be good, but because His goodness washes over us when we admit our utter dependence on Him.

James goes so far as to say this, “Confess your sins to each other… and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” James 4v16

Peter knew the same truth: “So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in His good time, He will honor you.” 1 Peter 5v6 

Dear girls, I wish I had packed this liberating truth in my suitcase before embarking on this journey of marriage. I think we would have resolved conflicts sooner and had less of them if I’d been slow to blame and quick to confess my own sin.

We’ve learned this one together, Phil and I. And it’s made all the difference in our story.

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. Okay girls, ‘fess up! Is this as hard for you as it is for me? Do you see yourself as the perpetual victim? Have you figured out how to hear those Spirit-words of conviction and felt the freedom He brings with confession?

Your comments are giving me the courage to let you in a little closer by opening up the corners of the real me.

PACKING LIST ITEMS

On our journeys around the globe these past few weeks, I’ve been writing letters home to my girls about things I wish I’d packed and prepared for this life-long journey of marriage. These are four things I wish I’d known right from the beginning that would have better prepared me for this strange and exhilarating task of loving a man for the rest of forever.

#1 - I can choose how I feel

#2 - Be careful what you say

#3 - Be slow to blame

Packing List Item #3

Dear Girls,

Once upon a time I married the man of my dreams. This man who swept me off my feet in a grand display of princely romance was everything I ever wanted. I was absolutely sure we would love each other forever and ever, never arguing, never fighting, never enduring a moment of disharmony.

After all, we were Christians. And Christians don’t fight… of course they don’t.

Uh oh!

We fought. And when we did I thought my world had fallen apart. We were bad. Broken. Less-than. Shamed.

Then one sunny day near our one-year anniversary, a godly older couple sat us down for dinner at their house and opened our eyes to reality. After three decades of marriage, Hans and Alice admitted that they still had conflict. Instead of calling those conflicts fights, they labeled them emotional disagreements. 

They laughed at the looks on our faces as they told us the truth.

Conflict between a husband and wife, they explained, is inevitable.

After all, the goal of marriage is oneness, and melding two distinctly different people into one heart and mind and purpose is a messy process. Emotional bumps and bruises happen along the way and have to be talked out.

Learning over the years to handle those emotional disagreements with grace and forgiveness is the tricky part. No one does it perfectly. No one gets it right every time. We learn and grow and repent and accept the less-than-perfect reality of who we are.

Over years and years, I’ve learned that all those glitches and arguments and hurt feelings don’t have to be someone’s fault. They just are. We bump into each other by accident. 

And I’ve learned that…

Just because my feelings are hurt does not mean he hurt my feelings…

Just because I’m angry does not mean he made me angry…

Just because I don’t feel loved doesn’t mean he is doing a poor job of loving me.

The truth I wish I’d known when I married Phil is this:

The wise woman is slow to blame and quick to cover with grace.

And that’s something I wish I’d known when I married Phil. Such a simple truth that would have made our beginnings so much better.

What every husband wants in marriage is not to be put on a wobbly pedestal, only to be shot off every time he makes a mistake.  What he craves is a refuge place where he can be who he is without having to live up to an impossible standard of rightness.

Phil was not my Prince Charming. He wasn’t supposed to be! Trying to heave him onto that platform of perfection was just setting both of us up for failure.

Pack Item #3 away girls...be slow to blame. Knowing it now may make all the difference in the world.

From my heart,

Diane

P.S.  Tomorrow I have one last simple truth to pass on to you.  My dear girls, I wish I had packed the next liberating truth in my suitcase long before embarking on this journey of marriage. I think we would have resolved our conflicts sooner.

Packing List Item #1 - I can choose how I feel

Packing List Item #2 - Be careful what you say

Ruth 4v13-17

Ever After

(Click here to listen to the sixth Ruth teaching)

Verse of the Week

“…OH, THAT MY PEOPLE WOULD LISTEN TO ME!” Psalm 81v13 NLT

More Words from the Father

Isaiah 35

Luke 15

Matthew 9v35,36

Matthew 11v28,29

From my Heart  

Living in Moab

Some of you are living in Moab.

In a time of desperation, emotional thirstiness, or just plain disobedience, you slipped out from under the shadow of His wings, away from His presence, and into a forbidden place.

And you feel like you are dying a slow death.

Like a terminal cancer, guilt and shame are eating away at your soul. You ache inside. Feel emotionally drained. Joy takes too much effort.

What are you going to do?

Will you let the lethargy overwhelm you, keeping you in that place of death? Will you justify and compromise, plastering on a plastic smile, covering the sores with band-aids?

Or, having heard of the favor of the Lord once again, will you, like Naomi, set out from the place where you have been living and take the road that would lead you back to the Kingdom… back Home?

Move out from your boyfriend’s bed…

Turn away from your perpetual self-pity…

Reign in your irresponsible spending…

Soften your sassy tongue…

And embrace the Love of your life. Head down His path, the way He calls the Highway of Holiness.

I can’t promise you it will be easy or that you will feel happy all the way. You have a lot to lose if you choose the Kingdom way of doing things. But you will never, ever be alone there on that path to His heart. You’ll have the Lord Himself orchestrating your way, clearing the path ahead, whispering in your ear. Somewhere in the unseen, there will be that “great cloud of witnesses” cheering you on. Maybe Naomi will be there rooting for you, wishing she could convey the urgency of heading Home.

How do you go back, you wonder? Moab is far way from where you belong. Maybe you’re afraid you’ve gone too far.

My grandfather thought so. Something he’d done long ago while fighting a far-off war so shamed him that he spent the rest of his days bitter and angry, biting at anyone and everyone who got in his way. He wasted his life convinced he was banished forever from the grace and mercy of the Father. When he died, we all sighed a sorrowful sigh of relief at his passing.

What a shame. What a waste.

How about you? Will you follow in Naomi’s footsteps and return to where you belong? Or will you be like Gramps? Forever trapped by your own foolishness?

“Then Naomi heard that the Lord had blessed His people…so…she set out from the place where she had been living, and they took the road that would lead them back to Judah.” Ruth 1v7 (NLT)

From my heart,

Diane

ETC

Seven Sons

“Your daughter-in-law, who loves you and is better to you than seven sons…” Ruth 4v15

The ancient Israelites believed that the perfect family consisted of seven sons. Though daughters were welcomed and lavishly loved, it was through the sons that the family lineage continued. By reminding Naomi that Ruth had been better for her than seven sons, they were saying that she had provided all that an ideal family could offer for Naomi.

The number seven in Jewish culture represented the works of God. It also signified completion or fullness. In 1 Samuel 2:7, we see another blessing involving the hope for seven sons. Hannah, the once barren mother of a young son who would grow up to become the great prophet, Samuel, composes a song of thanksgiving to God for giving her a child. “Even the barren gives birth to seven sons,” she sings. A mother with so many sons could be certain to be provided for in her old age.

Because of Ruth’s love for her, Naomi would not die a childless widow. Instead, she would become the “tribe-mother of a numerous and flourishing family.”

Had Naomi only known from the beginning of her story that God was still fully in control of her situation, perhaps she would not have lamented so fervently about her “emptiness.” In her disappointment with life’s curve balls, Naomi almost overlooked the unlikely source of her ultimate joy - her Moabite daughter-in-law Ruth.

Are you following in Naomi’s footsteps? Could there be something or someone you are overlooking in your disappointment with life’s circumstances? Is there a Ruth in your life, someone full of hesed who just might be “better than seven sons” to you?

Look around this week. Pray for eyes to see and ears to hear what the sovereign Spirit of God may be gently pointing out to you.

Like Naomi, you just might be in for the surprise and delight of your life!

Words

zera

“May you become famous…through the offspring which the Lord shall give…” Ruth 4v11, 12

This word is loaded with symbolism. With some delicacy, our English translators took the Hebrew word meaning “seed” or “semen” and glossed over the organic implications to come up with the very tame word, “offspring.” The people of Bethlehem were not nearly so polite. They were simply celebrating their belief that children are a heritage from the Lord Himself.

God sees the germ of life in what our world so callously considers an empty embryo.

In the story of God’s promise to bless the world through Abraham, He chooses this same word to symbolize abundant, ongoing, productive life:

“In your seed, all the nations shall be blessed, because you have obeyed My voice.” Genesis 22v18

On our journeys around the globe this week and next, I’m writing letters home to my girls about things I wish I’d packed and prepared for this life-long journey of marriage. These are four things I wish I’d known right from the beginning that would have better prepared me for this strange and exhilarating task of loving a man for the rest of forever.

Read #1 here.

Dear Girls,

Years and years ago I read a newsletter (this, before the era of blogs) in which Elisabeth Elliot challenged her readers to go one full week without complaining.

I couldn’t do it.

I’ve always considered myself a positive person. I don’t whine, I don’t complain… or so I thought. But I couldn’t manage even one 24-hour period without a negative complaint slipping out of my mouth. I just kept starting over every day until finally giving up.

What struck me is how ridiculous most of my complaints were.

I love rain… yet made complainy fill-in statements about the rain.

I was healthy and rested and well… yet made complainy fill-in statements about being sleepy or achy or something really inconsequential.

I absolutely loved being a mom at home with four great kids… yet made those mom-like complainy statements about how hectic or messy or stressful my life at home was.

Words, I have learned, are powerful definers of how we feel.

And yet we use them so carelessly at times, tossing out complaints just to fill in the space of silence.

What if we took seriously the weight of our words?

What if we decided to choose to guard our mouths and speak only lovely words?

What if we stopped complaining? Permanently?

“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth

but only such a word as is good for edification,

according to the need of the moment.” Ephesians 4v29

What would happen if we did that?

My dear girls, I think it would make all the difference in the amount of joy we squeeze out of this life God has for us.

I think it would make all the difference in the amount of love we were freed to lavish on our husbands and friends and children.

And so, PACKING LIST ITEM #2 is simple.

Be Careful What You Say.

Because after a while, what you say is what you feel…

and then you become convinced of the untruth that you should never have said in the first place…

and eventually all this saying and believing can really wreck havoc with what you say… and what you feel.

It really is a matter of purposing not to say certain things, of putting a muzzle over our mouths, of choosing every one of our words carefully and wisely.

We have the ability to choose to speak only the Spirit-filtered truth because we are Spirit-filled people and that ought to make a difference in what comes out of our mouths.

I wish I’d known that when I married Phil. I’m trying to learn it now.

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. Are you learning the power of your own words? Have you noticed how hard it is not to complain? Do you know someone who is really great at using words to bring courage instead of carnage?

We’d all love to hear your stories.

On our journeys around the globe this week and next, I’m writing letters home to my girls about things I wish I’d packed and prepared for this life-long journey of marriage. These are four things I wish I’d known right from the beginning that would have better prepared me for this strange and exhilarating task of loving a man for the rest of forever.

For those of you not-yet-married, lean in and listen well. You’ll need to know these truths.

For those of you married many years, remember…

He is the One who lavishes love on you when you don’t deserve it. And He has enough left-over love to give you the grace to start anew and begin loving your man skillfully and well.

PACKING LIST ITEM #1

Dear Girls,

For the past several days Phil and I have been with each other 24/7, crammed into too tight airplanes, sharing suitcase space and water bottles, enduring jet lag and sweltering humidity. Not exactly a formula for romance.

Or is it? Might I frame it this way instead?

For the past several days Phil and I have relished time with each other, flying around the world, eating exotic foods, enjoying sunshine and fascinating cultures and unprecedented beauty. A lovely romantic time in our lives.

Which scenario is true?

This is either a stressful, uncomfortable trip to endure as best we can… or it’s a delightful, intriguing adventure together.

The fact is:

I can choose how I feel.

I get to decide how I feel about the daily realities of life. I am not a slave to my feelings.

When a woman is single... she can choose to delight in this unique time to serve God unencumbered. She can choose to take time to develop and grow and explore who she is as a woman. She can pour herself into relationships with abandon.

Or… she can complain about being lonely and wish she were married and blast all the men who really ought to “step up to the plate” and ask her on a date.

When a woman is pregnant... she can choose to align herself with the Creator of life and relish the miracle her body is making.

Or… she can complain and whimper and groan about all the ways she is experiencing discomfort in the process.

When a woman is married... she can choose to love her husband. She can breathe in the scent of him, run her hands over his muscles, delight in all his maleness.

Or… she can try to take all that testosterone and tame it by wishing he were capable of being her BFF and listening sympathetically and sensitively just like a girl.

Oh how I wish I had known this truth 35 years ago!

I not only enslaved myself to my overly tender, easily hurt feelings, I practically tied my poor husband in knots. The guy could barely go a day without stepping on my toes in that perfectly innocent obliviousness of a man with better things to do than walk on egg shells.

Now I know that…

Marriage can be either a delightful game of discovery together or a continual contest of one will against the other.

It’s my choice.

Do I get on board and join my man, giving all that I am, relishing all that he is, trusting God to meet my needs as I pour myself into meeting his?

Or do I demand that he love me the way I want to be loved and insist he meet me at the half-way point?

It’s my choice.

Do I let my feelings sabotage my joy?

Or do I allow the Spirit of God to overcome my feelings when I choose to love His way rather than demand my own?

It’s my choice.

And that, my dear girls, is something I wish I’d known 35 years ago when I married Phil.

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. Have you had the delight of making a choice and finding your emotions catch up with what you know is true? Can you tell us about it? Was it hard? Surprising? What helped you choose rightly?

I am loving the honesty of your responses. Sharing your stories of both triumphs and regrets is the best way I know to bring courage to each other. Keep ‘em coming!

Ruth 4v13-17

Ever After (Part One)

(Click here to listen to the sixth Ruth teaching)

This closing scene in the drama of Ruth reaches back to the beginning of the tale to provide an immensely satisfying summary.

With sighs of relief, we read that God did indeed step into Naomi’s story in spite of her predictions of doom and her tendency towards despair. And we can’t help but wonder if He will do the same for us.

Without doing anything to deserve it, Naomi is carried away to a place of rest and security. As she holds her grandson in her arms, her eyes, once dull with pain, brighten with hope. The wrinkles lining her face give way to the smile she cannot repress.

How she must have loved that boy!

Naomi’s friends join in a chorus of blessing as if to remind Naomi of the defeated dirge she sang to them when she stumbled into town at the lowest point of her life. Now, many months later, her life is filled with love and hope and dreams for the future.

We’ll read this week of weddings and babies, love and romance. We’ll delight in all of those delicious details women love. But we’ll also find security in the reality of God’s unending love for us - in spite of our many flaws and failings.

Like Naomi, we lean precariously close to despair at times when our lives take us down painful paths. And like Ruth, we have Boaz to thank for snatching us from soul starvation and filling us full with God’s love.

Someday your story will end as well. Will your epilogue bring a sigh of satisfaction to the ones you want to read it? Will the final lines be filled with praise to God’s faithful loving-kindness?

Will you live this week in the security of knowing that your Father holds your Ever After firmly in His hands?

Verse of the Week

“…OUR ADEQUACY IS FROM GOD.” 1 Corinthians 3v5b NASB

More Words from the Father 

Job 42v1-6

2 Corinthians 12v7-10, 13v4

2 Corinthians 1v1-11

1 Peter 4v12-5v14

From my Heart

In Spite of Me

Naomi couldn’t fake it. She was too mad for that - too bitter. She’d suffered way too much to put on a pretty smile and blithely praise the Lord. And besides that, she was confused. Should she run from God or run to Him? Was God out to get her? First Elimelech, then Mahlon, now Chilion. Was she next? Should she just dig her grave, pull up a lawn chair, and wait for the inevitable?

No. Naomi did not suffer well.

But then neither did Job, not really. After his initial grand burst of worship and surrender in Job 1, he regresses to hours and hours of fruitless speculation and endlessly boorish dialogue with his know-it-all friends. Naomi skips all that and slides right into a muddy pit of self-pity.

Yet even with all their flaws and failures, neither Job nor Naomi gave up on God. And even more amazing than that, God didn’t give up on them! In fact, strange as it may seem, God actually used Naomi to bring an idol-worshipping pagan (that would be Ruth) into the Kingdom.

Sometimes we think that God needs a bunch of Barbie-doll perfect people in order to win the lost to His heart.

We’ve got to have our act together,

be strong,

flawless,

and always nice.

We can’t get mad,

don’t dare pout,

and must never, ever doubt.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

And I know because I’ve been there.

In the weeks that followed our young son’s diagnosis of Juvenile Diabetes, my safe and tidy world fell apart. I fell apart. I was terrified, sleep deprived, demanding, impotent to control a disease that had launched our family into a tailspin. I cried, I worried, and I called the diabetes nurse-educator every time he hiccuped.

Sue was endlessly patient with my ravings. Since she herself had managed the disease for 20 years or more, she knew exactly how I felt. More importantly, she knew what to do. In the middle of the night when I would call, clueless as to what to do, Sue would calm me down, give me concrete instructions and tell me to go back to bed. In her office, she would push the Kleenex box my way and give me reams of material to read. She never scolded, nor did she shame me for my maternal madness.

Sue was not a Christian. Not in any sense of the word. But something deep down inside of me drew her, despite the chaotic mess on the outside. To my astonishment, one day she showed up at my church. She bought a Bible and asked me where to read. And to my utter and eternal surprise, Sue and her husband and her son gave their lives to my same Savior! I watched in wonder as they were all baptized together.

Sue had seen me at my worst. Not a fake smile in sight. I wasn’t strong; I was incredibly fragile. I wasn’t nice; I reacted wrongly in my fear. And I certainly wasn’t an example to pattern her life after. I was a sniveling mess! Yet still, that Spirit of the living God, buried deep beneath the layers of my grieving, showed up just enough to intrigue her and to draw her to Himself.

Ruth watched Naomi grieve. She heard her rant and rave. She smelled her fear and touched her tears. And something inside of Ruth connected at some visceral level to the spirit of Yahweh buried deep within Naomi’s suffering soul. She wasn’t insular in her suffering. Instead, Naomi’s keening drew her closer to the One she knew as the Creator of life, Elohim.

And Ruth felt Him too.

In fact, through the mess of Naomi’s transparency, Ruth detected the faintest whiff of something real. And she determined to have it.

“We have,” observed the apostle Paul, “this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves…”

And so it is in His Kingdom.

He draws hearts to Himself

in spite of ourselves…

In spite of our weakness.

And maybe because of our pain.

And that, my dear friends is all a story of His amazing grace!

From my heart,

Diane

ETC

An Empty Womb

Even the word sounds bleak: barrenness. Whoever came up with such a nasty word? And Webster’s definition is brutal: Incapable of producing offspring, not productive, habitually failing to fruit.

Sounds like a disease!

A woman’s identity and significance throughout history has been wrapped up in her ability to conceive and bear children. For women unable to have children in our times, the emotional pain can be excruciating. Yet for women in Ruth and Naomi’s culture, infertility could prove disastrous.

“The barren woman joins the widow in the margins of society…displacement is a sure short road to poverty - or worse,” writes Carolyn James.

While society worked against the childless woman, God kept busy helping them. He left us with stories of women who chose not to cave in to the stigma of barrenness - women God used beautifully to bring honor to Himself.

Is there an area of your life that feels barren? Unfruitful? Like a failure? Search out the stories of these “holy women from…former times…who hoped in God.” Watch their stories unfold in fruitfulness as they relied on Him alone to use the brokenness of their lives to bring His story to a hurting world.

Sarah........Genesis 11v30

Hannah.......1 Samuel 1v2

Rebekah......Genesis 25v20, 26

Rachel.......Genesis 30v1, 22

Elizabeth....Luke 1v7

Words

Bo: “And he went into her.”

This simple word holds a world of implications. It is the fourth most frequently used verb in the Old Testament, generally meaning to go or enter or arrive. With just one added preposition it takes on the meaning found in our reading and used frequently through out the biblical narrative: to have sexual intercourse.

God leaves very little to our imaginations. No fading lights or subtle hints. The Hebrew Bible would not qualify for a G-rating. Boaz drew Ruth away from the well-meaning crowd, took her to his home, and loved her as a man loves a woman. And from that love comes the lineage of our Lord Jesus Christ.

One month after my 19^th birthday I married the man of my dreams.

Phil was exactly what I wanted. Strong yet tender, godly and good, he exuded charisma and made me feel safe and valued.

I was new to faith but absolutely determined to follow God with abandon. I’d cleaned up my fairly innocent life in order to align myself with every single rule I could ferret out.Phil was way ahead of me, steeped in the wisdom of the Scriptures and unerringly strict in his application of those words to his own life.

I admired him more than any man I’d ever met and loved him with a passion that consumed me.

When we got home from our fairy-tale honeymoon and Phil went back to work, I set about creating a home for the two of us. I cleaned and scrubbed and painted our little house on the corner while soup bubbled on the stove and ruffled curtains let in the fresh California sunshine. At night Phil came home and filled me in on all the comings and goings and conflicts and victories of life as a worship pastor at our church.

Perfect.

So far I’d lived up to my pledge to meet Phil’s every need. And though we’d had a struggle or two over hurt feelings and misunderstandings, we’d managed to be nice and make up every time.

Until my hair dryer broke.

One of my favorite ways Phil loved me was when he offered to dry my hair. I’d sit on the floor at his feet while he used the hairdryer and a soft bristled brush to dry my long blond strands to silky perfection. So soothing and so romantic.

Then one day some stray hairs wound around the motor of that hair dryer and all of a sudden Phil saw it spark. We smelled the awful scent of burning before it quit. Permanently. Now what? We had precious little money for much else than groceries and gas and our house payment. Running out to Target to buy a hair dryer was not an option.

Phil, ever the valiant warrior, promised to fix it. I put it out on our shiny-new-never-before-used-wedding-gift workbench so he could.

The next morning, as was his habit, Phil got up just in time to read his Bible and before rushing off to the office, gobble down one of my homemade breakfasts (because every young bride who reads the stacks of books on marriage knows that making breakfast for her man is essential to a good and lasting marriage).

Okay, I reasoned, no worries, he’ll fix it tonight. But that night came and with it responsibilities that kept us both out late. The next morning he dashed off in the nick of time to work.

A week went by. I hinted. I mentioned. I suggested.

Phil assured me he’d get to it as soon as he possibly could. He promised. Several times. With a big compelling smile and a compliment on my sun-dried hair.

Inside I was starting to sag. Maybe he didn’t love me. Maybe I was just becoming too much trouble. Or maybe it was his problem. Maybe he was a workaholic. Maybe he wasn’t doing what every-husband-ought-to-do.  Hadn’t he promised to love me and cherish me and provide for me, and all that? Wasn’t fixing hair dryers part of his job?

Every day I mentioned that hair dryer. At least once. Okay, maybe more than once. A lot. And of course there were the notes…just to remind him…no pressure. And Phil started to get irritated.

Then finally we had a day off. Nothing planned but a bike ride in the sun, maybe a lingering breakfast somewhere close by. Time together to enjoy being newlyweds.

But for that hairdryer on the workbench it would have been a fabulous day.

When Phil never so much as mentioned fixing the hairdryer as we planned out our fun day, my insides sank lower. This was it! He didn’t love me at all!

Of course I didn’t act hurt. I didn’t ask if his neglect of my hairdryer meant he didn’t really love me and therefore couldn’t be bothered. Instead, in typical female fashion I looked and sounded annoyed. Hands on my hips, scowl on my face, all those flirty womanly ways buried behind a façade of belligerence. 

And to my extreme consternation, instead of bowing at my feet, apologizing profusely, and immediately making his way to the workbench to fix my poor hairdryer, Phil got mad right back. And that’s when two worn out, strong-willed, misunderstood, hurt people jumped onto the Crazy Cycle.[1

All day long we tried to “resolve” it. And all day long we just kept stepping on each other’s toes and causing more hurt. Every single grievance got dredged up and hashed and rehashed. Tears and apologies and more rounds of blaming.

Just ugly, defeating, discouraging meanness.

All these years later I shudder when I remember that sinking feeling of failure I felt. Our love would never, could never be the same. I was sure of it. We were not the perfect couple. Phil was most definitely not my Prince Charming. And I would never be the perfect wife.

The fairy tale was over.

And that, my dear daughters, is the real beginning of when God began to grow me up so that I could learn to love for a lifetime.

The journey has been long and often painful.  We’ve instigated and endured many days of “trying to resolve it”. And yet here we are, nearly 35 years later and as I write this Phil brought me a lovely half-caf coffee with just a bit raw sugar stirred in and a dollop of whipped cream on top… just the way I like it. I mean, girls, who does that?

Later we’ll talk about conflict and some do’s and don’ts I’ve learned along this bumpy road to real romance. But for now, here are just a few things I think you should know…

 1.  Rules don’t work.

I thought if I followed “the rules” meticulously then my husband would always be happy. But I’ve learned that there is no one-way to love a man well. Instead we study him, listening carefully, watching for signs of stress or that sigh of distress that signals unspoken need.

 2.  Books don’t tell everything.

I love to read. Books have taught me how to clean my house, how to cook, how to pack for a vacation, how to house break a puppy and toilet train a child. But books will never be able to tell me how to love my husband. Loving a man well over a lifetime is a skill learned by sitting at the feet of the Father who made both of you and asking for wisdom to know how.

3.  My husband needs more than me.

I cannot and never will meet all my husband’s needs. I am not enough. I’ll never be enough. And as hard as that is to swallow, it’s freeing too. Being freed from the need to make my husband happy also frees me to lavish him with my love and to honor him as a man.

 4.  He wants to be your Prince Charming

Phil wanted to fix my hair dryer, he really did. He wanted to prove his valiant conquer-the-world-status to his adoring bride. Your husband longs to be your hero too. He wants to sweep you off your feet and enamor you with his strength. He wants to fix everything for you. But he can’t. And that’s okay. Some things can only be fixed by that same Father who teaches how to love well. And some things won’t be fixed until all this broken world is made right on the day He comes to get His Bride.

I wish…  that Phil had just told me that he couldn’t fix that hair dryer on the workbench if his life depended on it.

I wish… that I’d just told him I’d take my broken hairdryer to someone who could fix it for me rather than hold his less-than-admirable-fixing skills as a test of his love.

But I’m glad we’re both freed now from expecting too much from each other and from ourselves. Because the more we learn to depend on God to meet our needs and fix our brokenness the more we’ll be able to love with abandon.

Because, you know girls, He’s Not Your Prince Charming…

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. Are you learning this lesson too? Is God patiently and persistently teaching you that He is enough? Will you tell us what you’re learning? I cherish your stories…

Keep checking back this week… I’ve got some notes to help you along the way that will be posted in Glimpses.

---

[1] That’s what our friends, Emmerson and Sarah Eggerich’s so aptly name what happens to every married couple in their book, Love and Respect. If you haven’t already, please read it! It is profoundly insightful and helpful.

Ruth 4v1-12 

The Wedding (Part Five)

(Click here to listen to the fifth Ruth teaching)

Verse of the Week

“LET EACH GENERATION TELL ITS CHILDREN OF YOUR MIGHTY ACTS.” Psalm 145v4 NLT

More Words from the Father 

Matthew 18v1-14

Mark 9v33-37

Mark 10v13-16

Luke 18v15-17

Psalm 145

From my Heart

Pages from the past: April 1990

King David’s Men

Rising early on this bright, sunny morning, I determined to write of the dramatic exploits of King David and his Mighty Men. Just as I began to form the words in my mind and put pen to paper, Phil came out, coffee in hand, ready to talk

Down went the pad, closed went my Bible as I listened to my “Mighty Man” tell of the ministry of the day before. He talked. I listened. He questioned. I confirmed. Soon he was off to fight the battles and train the saints of the army of God.

Once more, pen met paper, as I returned to David’s Mighty Men. Not one sentence later, Rebekah plopped down on the sofa, positioning Blankly and Teddy carefully around as she began to read aloud to me.

After a few pages of Amelia Bedelia, David’s mighty warriors began to lose their dramatic flair.

Soon, John Mark came out with the escapades of Homer Price, excitedly showing me an ingenious illustration of a giant mousetrap designed to catch hundreds of mice without harming the poor, adorable little varmints.

David’s Mighty Men are being overshadowed by a Mighty Mousetrap.

Little Beth lets the dog in. Shep the circus lion (alias Sheba) dutifully performs his running, jumping, circling routine while his glamorous trainer struts about barefoot in her too short nighty, stick in hand, jump rope swinging wildly.

David’s mighty warriors have faded completely from my mind.

Though I would have loved to write a meaningful page or two about David’s godly leadership and his men’s faithful following, I find myself absolutely delighted with my crazy brood. Amelia Bedelia, Sheba the lion, Homer Price and his mouse machine…

David didn’t have it half as good.

From my heart,

Diane

ETC

What’s with the Sandal?

In the ancient eastern culture in which Boaz conducted business, land values were measured by the distance a man could walk off a triangle of the land. One day’s walk, a week, or a month of trekking over the land determined the monetary value of that piece of property. Out of this business practice sprang this custom of removing the sandal as a symbol of a sale.  When a man removed his sandal, he essentially relinquished his right to that property and bestowed it on another.

This is not to be confused with the statute recorded in Deuteronomy 25:5-10 wherein a widow had the legal right to demand that her dead husband’s unmarried brother marry her in order to perpetuate the family line. If he refused, she was to spit in his face in front of all his friends and family, publicly humiliating the man for reneging on his responsibilities. Then the wronged widow would pull his sandal off his foot in a grand display of disgust. This was meant as a means of using social pressure to push a young man to grow up and take responsibility.

Boaz’s interaction was clearly not intended to humiliate the nearer kinsman. He wanted Ruth for himself, yet recognized that he was second in line to take her and the land she would inherit. The custom in Ruth’s day was simply Boaz’ way of legalizing his marrying of Ruth and assuming control of Elimelch’s holdings.

“Therefore I am now going to allure her;

 I will lead her into the wilderness

and speak tenderly to her.

There I will give her back her vineyards,

and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.

There she will respond as in the days of her youth,

as in the day she came up out of Egypt.

Hosea 2v14,15 NIV

All week I have been praying for the many women who wrote in response to last week’s faltering description of what a marriage looks like when both husband and wife lay all their wants and needs at the foot of the Cross. (Why he's not your Prince Charming)

And all week I’ve been pondering what to write next, waiting in the early stillness to hear that Voice.  In light of the cry from so many women whose hearts yearn to know more of what it means to be gathered into that kind of intimacy with God, to have their fears calmed and their needs met, I just cannot blithely blunder into a post about marriage.

So every morning I’ve asked… what should I say, Lord? I barely understand this myself, how can I communicate Your wisdom to women who crave more than concepts? Women who need to know how? Women who are awakening to Your call to come close? Is there a tidy formula I can line out? Steps 1…2…3…?

Instead of giving me words with which to tie a tidy bow around this gift of the gospel and the Cross and the way to both intimacy and dependency, I have felt His leading me to understand His love just for me…

My insistent read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year-in-chronological-order chart placed me in Hosea this week. Three days to whip through 14 chapters. But I can’t do it. Can’t get beyond chapter two and that first bit of chapter three. His words have captivated me, held me in grip of sorrow.

Because I am that woman I have so often self-righteously despised. Hosea’s wife, the promiscuous woman whose wayward wanting of more is an appalling picture of who we become when we refuse to be satisfied by God and God alone.

I know, I know, the story is supposed to be about Israel’s straying from Yahweh. But I cannot help myself. I am her!

And maybe some of you are too.

When you are sad  who do you tell first?  Your husband-who-is-supposed-to-listen-without-solving-it?  Your Facebook friends? Your mom? 

When you are worried do you first make lists? Check websites? Go for a run?

Is the measure of your worth tied up in people’s approval? Their kind comments and adulations about something they think you’re good at? Or is your value today dependent on whether or not your husband thinks you're beautiful and tells you- again?

Then maybe, like me, you are in danger of missing the greatest love of all. Maybe He’s right there waiting. Watching as you scurry and fret and work yourself to exhaustion to get it right.

And then this morning He spoke. Not in booming pronouncements or attention getting steps… but in that soft way He has of satisfying the place no one sees. That aching, wanting place.

"I will allure you to the wilderness because I love you... Because when you don’t feel good and nothing makes it better and you can’t get it right and no one is enough… I will bring you in close and fill you full… of Me."

The wilderness, my dear girls, is just where He wants us.

Not because we’re failures.

Not because we’re not as godly as that woman who seems so happy all the time.

And certainly not because we’re not good enough mothers or lovers or friends or worker-outters or whatever it is we think we’re supposed to be right now. 

That wilderness is where He wants us because it’s where we hear Him. 

He whispers there, outside the cacophony of all the sounds that compete for our attention.

Tender words.

Words of hope.

The kind of real hope that isn’t dependent on us doing more. Or being better. Or getting it right. 

“Throughout the Scripture, we see that God sometimes does His most powerful work in wilderness settings. Therefore, if you’re in such a place right now, take heart and take hope. As He did with His people, God has drawn you there in order to humble you and prove you— but also to do you good.”  (Jon Courson, Hosea)

Do you know what this means?

That very feeling of failure that nags at you is His whisper to come…

Your inadequacies are your beauty. Because in your weakness, He is so strong that He becomes all you need and when He becomes your everything, you finally become who you really are.

Beautiful.

Enough.

Wholly His.

Will you let Him lead you into that wilderness place?

Dare you stop trying to solve it and just listen?

Will you trust Him with the tensions in your story, knowing the real happily-ever-after ending will be worth it even if the right now is not the way you wish it was?

The wilderness never lasts forever, dear ones. He draws you there, speaks tenderly to you, and then causes you to blossom, producing hope in the midst of the “Valley of Achor”, that place of trouble.

And then… then He becomes all that you ever wanted.

“I will make you My wife forever,

showing you righteousness and justice,

unfailing love and compassion.

I will be faithful to you and make you Mine,

and you will finally know Me as the Lord.” 

Hosea 2v19,20 NLT

Hoping… and praying… that we will grasp this kind of love…

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. Are you in that wilderness place, wondering why? Or have you been there in the past and found Him faithful even when life hurts? Will you tell us about it?

Next week I’ve got another story I can hardly wait to share... it's about our first fight... and what I know now that I wish I'd known then... because, dear girls, he's really not your Prince Charming!

RUTH 4v1-12

The Wedding (Part Four) 

(Click here to listen to the fifth Ruth teaching)

Verse of the Week

“…COME AND YOU WILL SEE…” John 1v39 NASB

More Words from the Father

Revelations 3v20

Song of Songs 1v1-4

Song of Songs 2v3-14

Matthew 11v28-30

John 1v1-18

From my Heart

…He Commands the Morning Job 38v12

The dark hour before dawn wrapped its silence around me as I burrowed deeper beneath the comforter. Ahh…that luscious sense of waking early, only to realize I can luxuriate in a couple more hours of sleep…ahh…sleep.

Then a whisper echoing over the silence,

“Come.”

Blinking open my sleep encrusted eyes, I peek out of my warm nest into the darkness.

“Come!”

This time I raise my head. Did someone call my name? Who could be up? My husband’s steady snoring assured me it wasn’t him. My imagination, of course, a dream perhaps. Back to sleep.

“Come!”

This time I’m startled awake. What? Who?

“Come, my beloved. Come meet with Me.”

Could I be hearing right? Could this inexplicable voice be my Lord’s? Was He calling me to come to Him?

As I lay there wondering, I heard it one more time.

“Come.”

Reluctance fled and with it all sense of sleepiness. Throwing back the covers, I padded downstairs with my heart pounding in anticipation. What did He want? Why would He wake me? Was this real or was I going crazy?

Within moments I had my answers.

God wanted me. He wanted me to be with Him. And what’s more, He wanted to be with me. Just be. Not to read my Bible, not to pray, not to do anything at all.

Just be.

Curled up in the corner of the sofa, my Bible open on my lap, a steaming mug of tea in hand, He spoke to my heart. Words of wisdom, words of delight poured over my heart that morning. I felt lavished in His love. Surrounded. He simply wanted me.

And He still does.

From my heart,

Diane

Come

Come with me

my friend

and be.

Be with me

a while.

Just be.

Your senses-

Do you hear?

Do you see?

Tell me.

Tell me of your wanderings.

Be with me

a while.

Just be.

-Rebekah Fechter

ETC

The City Gate

Boaz hurried away from his clandestine meeting with Ruth driven with determination. This was not the time to dream about the future, for he faced a formidable mandate. He had to establish himself at the city gate in order to negotiate a complex contract to obtain what he wanted - Ruth.

Every city or town of decent size in Israel was surrounded by a thick fortress-like wall for protection. These walls were constructed of stones or brick, with fortified towers placed at intervals in order to survey the surrounding area. Oftentimes, houses were incorporated into the wall, with the entrance facing into the town. The gate through these walls leading into the city became a place of political importance. Legal proceedings were often conducted there, sometimes out in the open air for all to observe and, on other occasions, in deep niches within the walls themselves. This is where Boaz rushed to in those early morning hours after his proposal from Ruth.

Several instances in the Bible illustrate the importance of these places of power in Old Testament culture. Rebekah is given a blessing by her family when she left them to marry Isaac, which includes the hope that her children would “possess the gate” of their enemies.  Job looks back longingly on the days before his afflictions, when he sat in his seat at the city gate to be revered by young men and honored by the aged. He made a difference there, where he “investigated the case I did not know” and “chose a way for them and sat as chief.”  And we all know about the woman described in Proverbs 31, whose “husband is known in the gates” and whose life of service caused her husband and children to “praise her in the gates.”

Boaz called a meeting at the city gate in order to declare his honorable intention to marry Ruth and to redeem the land for Naomi. He wanted the proceedings to be witnessed by the entire town and endorsed by the ruling men in clear legal terms. In this action, Boaz brings his bride-to-be into a place of legal, moral, and social safety.

Can you see the implications? There are parallels between Jesus, our Redeemer, and Boaz, Ruth’s redeemer. The two collide in this moment to create a magnificent picture of His bringing us legally and morally into a safe place. Before the entire world, He declares us worthy to be His bride. Like Boaz, Jesus rushes to our defense, making our right standing before God His primary concern.

Dear Girls, I’ve told you my story… 

And I’ve written endless letters to my son about what kind of woman to marry… though on that day I married Phil I wouldn’t have qualified!

But here I am nearly 35 years later…

Still married. Very much in love with my husband. Happy and thriving.

And honestly, I wonder why. So many of my friends and family have seen their marriages ripped apart. Or drift apart. Or generally disintegrate. Good people, godly men and women. People who started out in love and who ended up hating each other.

Why?

Is it because they married a jerk? Or that they themselves were hidden jerks and marriage unveiled their jerkisms? But that doesn’t make any sense because who does not have those moments of appalling jerkiness? I have often been that impossible-to-please-person in our marriage. And Phil has had his less-than-stellar moments too.

No, its not our goodness as people that has made our marriage work. Nor is it simply our commitment to keep working on it. Sometimes that very commitment brings out the ugliness in each of us. (We’ll talk about conflict later.)

I think Phil and I found a secret along the way that kept us from failure. Not so much a nobody-knows-but-us kind of secret, but more of a mystery-that-can-be-explained-but-is-not-logical kind of secret.

It’s simply this:

I have discovered that I am incapable of satisfying Phil

and Phil has discovered that he is incapable of fulfilling me.

And…

I have discovered a deep satisfaction in Christ that has taken pressure off of Phil to spend his life attempting to satisfy me and

Phil has found a deep satisfaction in Christ that has taken the pressure off of me to be enough to satisfy him.

And…

That deep down satisfaction has made us free to love each other well and skillfully because we are so well loved by God Himself.

Isn’t that the mysterious secret of Ephesians 5? That marriage is meant to be a picture of the way Christ loves His Bride and the way His Bride responds to that love?

Not a paradigm of Phil loving me so well that I respond in perfect love… but a picture of Phil being so well loved by Jesus that he cannot help but love me well… and me being so well nurtured and nourished by Jesus that I cannot help but apply those skills to lavishing the same kind of care on Phil.

So marriage becomes the place where the Gospel is lived out in our lives. Two imperfect people being loved so perfectly by God that they in turn love each other in a faltering attempt to demonstrate how well loved they are.

Or, as Tim Keller so brilliantly puts it:

The gospel is this:

We are more sinful and flawed in ourselves than we ever dared believe,

yet at the very same time we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope…

the hard times of marriage drive us to experience more of this transforming love of God.

But a good marriage will also be a place where we experience more of this kind of transforming love at a human level.

(The Meaning of Marriage, pg 48)

And that’s the main purpose of this series: To remind you that the man you married is Not Your Prince Charming. And to point you to the One who is.

Because only then will you be free to love lavishly. Only when you are all caught up in a passionate love for Jesus will you be capable of passionately and persistently loving your husband over years and decades of real life living.

And so before I start in on the bits and pieces of gathered wisdom I’ve discovered in His Word over the 35 years we’ve been married, I want to urge you, my girls, to fully embrace this truth:

That the gospel is all about God’s all-consuming love lavishing all that He is on all that I am.

It is about me dying with Jesus on that Cross. Dying to my dreams and my must-have’s and my rights and my way. Dying even to my happiness.

And then it’s about staying hidden so tight in Him that He resurrects all those broken places and fills me with Himself.

And then I change. Slowly, imperceptively at first. Simply by being so near Him that His breath warms the skin of my soul and colors my world in a way I’d never thought possible.

Joy comes. Rest. Delight. And so much love that I cannot help but spill it somewhere, on someone…

And I become who I am meant to be. He makes me holy… which is really all about being wholly who I am.

The way I respond to my husband changes. The way I handle worry changes. The way I handle all those irritating, soul-stretching everyday-bumping-up-against-each-other interactions that happen in close proximity with another person… changes.

I change...

because...

He changes me...

when I choose to die with Him...

daily.

May we fully grasp the reality of this Gospel— this news that is so good it changes everything, even and especially the way we love.

From my heart,

Diane

Three passages to sink your soul into this week:

1. Romans 6- notice that word choose used over and over in the NLT
2. John 6vs28-35- that word, believe, actually means to fully entrust yourself to God. That’s my “work”.
3. John 15- to abide has to do with tucking myself into God.

 “And the angel of the Lord…came…and sat upon the stone.” 

Matthew 28v2

The stone stood as a silent sentinel, blocking the entrance to the cave. On the other side, or so she thought, lay Jesus, her Lord. And wrapped up with Him lay all her shattered hopes and dreams. Dead.

She’d come to say good-bye - farewell to faith.

She’d come to grieve - to let go of the hope that had held her in such wild expectation every time He talked.

It was over now. Best to be done with it and cope with reality…

deal with drudgery…

face her future…

But that stone blocked her way.

Falling to the ground in a heap of defeated despair, pulling her knees tight against her chest, she rocked back and forth, back and forth, as her sobs filled the early morning air.

Why… 

was…

life…

so… 

hard…?

Waves of grief shook her. Years of hurt overwhelmed her reason, spilling out upon the unyielding realities of that stone. There was nothing to do but die.

Somewhere in the periphery of her mind she sensed movement, but her sorrow was too great to stop and listen. But there...

A sound...A scrape.

Was that a cough?

Her sobs slowed, again a noise.

Fear froze her. Oh no, what now?

Slowly, hesitantly, as if she could wait away the next disaster, she looked up.

An angel sitting on the stone,

that gargantuan…

immovable…

uncontrollable mountain of impossibilities…

And the stone was moved…just like that.

Is a stone blocking your way to life? To peace? To joy? Have you worn yourself out trying to push it away? Have you exhausted your soul trying everything to change your circumstances? Are you sweaty and angry and defeated and discouraged? Have you lost hope?

Sit still awhile. Sit at the tomb of your tomorrows and let yourself grieve what might have been…should have been. Cry it all out.

And when you’re done,

listen…

shhh…

quiet…

be still…

In the ashes of your grief, in the failure of your fantasies of how life ought to be, sits Jesus. In dazzling white He sits atop that stone…

immune to impossibilities…

with a different idea of the ideal.

And while you’re there, let Him fill you with His hope and His dreams. Let Him store those tears away, pack up your past, relinquish your regrets, and give you a new start, a new life … a renewed hope.

After all, He rolled away that stone.

From my heart,

Diane

Can you tell me what hope has come out of your ashes? Is there a story you really need to tell to point all the rest of us to His hope? Please do.

Ruth 4v1-12

The Wedding (Part Three)

(Click here to listen to the fifth Ruth teaching)

Verse of the Week

“AND THOUGH YOU HAVE NOT SEEN HIM, YOU LOVE HIM, AND THOUGH YOU DO NOT SEE HIM NOW, BUT BELIEVE IN HIM, YOU GREATLY REJOICE WITH JOY INEXPRESSIBLE AND FULL OF GLORY.” 1 Peter 1v8 NASB

More Words from the Father

Proverbs 3

Revelations 2v1-5

From my Heart

Falling in Love

I’m falling in love with Boaz.

From the first time I heard his voice resounding off the written page, the man caught my attention. He sounds big, strong, and safe. He sounds warm, ready to break out in unbidden laughter with the least provocation. I can just hear his great chuckle of pure joy as he gathers his dusty workers ‘round his table for lunch.

Boaz invites. He invites his people to a meal. He invites his foreman to an opinion. He invites a stranger into his inner circle.

And Boaz welcomes.

He welcomes gleaners to his fields. He welcomes two hungry women to leftovers. He welcomes his workers into relationship.

Boaz is a leader.

He leads his work crew to give honor to God out loud. He leads his close relative to an opportunity to help someone in need. He leads ten men to step up to the plate and get involved.

Boaz is successful. 

He is a hands-on kind of boss. He is a man whose wealth comes as a result of pouring himself into his career with passion and resolve, a man who loves what he does.

Boaz is bold.

He spots Ruth and right away lets everyone know how much he admires her. When confronted with a problem, he faces it. He’s not afraid to get right in the middle of a mess and fix it.

Boaz is fun.

The moment he rides into the story, people begin to gather for celebration. Lunch in the middle of a workday becomes a picnic. The backbreaking job at the threshing floor becomes a party. His wedding involves the whole town.

Boaz protects.

He protects Ruth from abuse. He protects the young guys who might instinctively gravitate towards this young Moabitess, warning them to leave her alone before they mess up! Then He protects Ruth’s reputation in the middle of the night by urging discretion.

The guy is amazing! Captivating. Strong. Compelling. He is godly and playful, considerate and kind. The man is driven with purpose to excel, but also to do right by people in the process. Somehow he balances relationships with responsibility in perfect harmony so that everyone seems to genuinely want to be on his team. They like him.

Do you see why I am falling head over heels in love? What woman wouldn’t?

This man, my dear friend, is the One you’ve been waiting for your entire life. He is Jesus, the lover of your soul, the only One who will never leave you nor forsake you. Not that guy who misused you or the boyfriend who dumped you. You had the wrong one all along.

Boaz is the One you were longing for.

All the others are cheap substitutes.

Imitations.

Illusions.

Boaz is the real deal.

Are you with me? Do you see what I see? Is your heart aware of what’s going on here? Is the hope you thought you’d lost awakening yet? Are you falling in love?

I hope so, I really do.

From my heart,

Diane

ETC

The Matriarchs

“…May the Lord make the woman who is coming into your home like Rachel and Leah, both of whom built the house of Israel…” Ruth 4v11

What was it about Rachel and Leah? To have Boaz’s friends offer such a prayer - such a desire for his new marriage? After all, the story of these two women dated back 600 years before Ruth was born! The answer lies in the stark reality of childbearing - nothing short of a small feat before the breakthroughs in safe medical practices we enjoy today.

About the time that Boaz and Ruth were starting a family, the infant mortality rate stood at 35%. That meant that if Ruth were able to conceive and carry her pregnancy to completion, her baby had less than a three in ten chance of surviving until the age of five. The overwhelming odds against a child growing to adulthood and even old age were staggering. Rachel and Leah bore and raised 12 sons to adulthood - an obvious percentage breaker in those times.

Thus, the blessing their friends wished on Boaz and Ruth came from hearts that understood the tragedy of the death of a child in a way we can barely grasp. They wanted Boaz and Ruth to grow old together, surrounded by children and grandchildren to validate their lives.

And who wouldn’t want that for these two beautiful people?

How to Pray for our Friends

The Tripartite Blessing

“God bless you.” It’s a phrase we often toss out with meaningless ease. What we really mean is that we hope everything in their life follows a safe, predictable, hunky-dory path. But the friends and family who surrounded Boaz and Ruth at their wedding ceremony sang a chorus of blessing on the couple that went much deeper. The ink was barely dry on the wedding certificate when this community of friends issued their three-fold blessing. Called a tripartite blessing by theologians, their spiritual wish list reached far beyond our light benevolence.

First, the blessing involved their family heritage. The ancient understanding of family is all but lost in our culture. The Israelites put enormous emphasis on evangelizing and training their children to walk in the ways of the Lord. Their communities joined them in adding their social pressures to assure that very few children drifted from the path their parents had paved for them.

Second, the blessing focused on recognition and respect in the community. Since Boaz was already considered a man of strength and influence, this was given in the hope that he would continue to grow in wisdom and stature and financial wealth.

Third, the blessing looks to genealogy. Echoing the second blessing, this last aspect of the tripartite blessing is on Boaz’s recognition and respect throughout history. They could have had no idea how prophetic this statement would turn out to be! Boaz became the great-grandfather of Israel’s most beloved king. His name is listed not only on David’s family tree, but also on Jesus’ genealogy. Boaz and Ruth both went down in history with their compelling love story preserved right in the middle of God’s ageless Scriptures.

Phil’s proposal took me entirely by surprise. I’d spent the week grieving over losing him, wondering how in the world to pick up the pieces, and finally getting to the point of complete and total surrender.

I knew he loved me. And I didn’t doubt for a minute that I loved him.  But I was powerless to take away the worries that nagged at him— his need

to know for sure... to dissipate all doubt... to have everything perfect.

And so I’d let him go. And in the loosening of my heart’s grip on Phil, I’d discovered a greater joy in Jesus than I’d ever experienced before. I knew He would take care of me and that knowing left me riding on a high of unexplainable peace.

So when Phil called and asked me if I’d go out with him on Friday night I was immediately confused. Why? Hadn’t we dragged this out long enough?  Never in a million years did I suspect he would ask me to marry him.

When Phil came to pick me up, my family started acting extremely strange— smirks and grins and giggles. I was embarrassed and not a little annoyed, suddenly wishing I lived on campus rather than commuting to college across town. Couldn’t they see how hard this was for me?  Closing the door behind us, I let out a sigh of relief.

And that’s when Phil asked me to marry him. Right there on the front porch of my family’s home— the home he was asking me to leave so that I could join my life to his.

I don’t remember more than a few snatches of the words he used, in fact, I’m still not sure I even answered with any sort of clear affirmative.  What I do remember is an overwhelming sense of being loved and the awkwardness of our first kiss that left us both laughing out loud with the joy of it.

Yes, yes, yes!

He wanted me. This man I admired more than any other was telling me that he wanted me forever. I could hardly believe it, and yet I knew without a doubt that this was right, that God was in this, that He had brought us together.

When finally we came down from the high of that moment, the planning began. How long till we could pull together a wedding? Could we do this quick now that we’d decided? Was four months long enough? Was there any reason to wait?

We settled on a July date and got to work. Or at least my mom got to work. I mostly walked around with my head in the clouds and let her do all the details.

But a funny thing happened in all the flurry of planning and doing and dreaming— Phil and I began to argue. We’d never argued before. Not once. Now it seemed that my feelings were hurt all the time and he was frustrated and we spent hours and hours working out what we couldn’t understand. What was wrong with us?

The pre-marriage counseling we got was minimal. Our pastor met with us a couple of times but we were so sure we knew how to do this that we weren’t listening much. There were no personality tests or workbooks to fill in, though I was reading everything I could get my hands on and tucking away a whole list of rules to follow for the perfect marriage.

And all that kissing was keeping us heated up so hot that I’m not sure our brains were registering much anyway. Tension was mounting as we counted down the days one at a time. To my mom’s frustration, we spent more time planning our honeymoon than our wedding!

I was certain we were going to have the Ideal Marriage. Of course we would— Phil was my Ideal Man, after all. And I was reading my way through a stack of books to learn how to be the Ideal Wife.

Clearly we were heading for a crash but just as clearly we couldn’t have seen it.

And that is why I want to write this series. Because we did crash and we didn’t see it coming. And there are things I learned in that crash that no book every mentioned.

Things about conflict and oneness and humility and honesty— about two strong-willed people attempting the impossible task of melding their lives into one without destroying each other in the process.

And perhaps most important, I want to write about why he’s not really your Prince Charming no matter how much you love him. And how I, as a woman, as a wife, could choose to spend the rest of my life honoring and loving him skillfully… or draining him of every ounce of dignity by trying to make him into my Ideal.

But I didn’t know any of that on my wedding day. I just knew I loved this man and I had lived for months in that uneasy fear that if he discovered who I really was he’d change his mind.

When July 15^th dawned clear and bright and he stood in front of our church and family and pledged his faithfulness for the rest of forever, I breathed a great sigh of relief. The hard part, I was sure, was behind us. Now my Prince would rush me off into our Happily-Ever-After where we would be… happy forever!

And now, nearly 35 years later I can’t help but laugh… and shudder a little… at my fairytale take on life. I had so much growing up to do, so much learning about real life and real love and real happiness.

So come along with me and learn from the rest of my story. Learn what I wish I’d known then, what I want my girls to know now. Learn from my mistakes and learn from my discoveries. Listen better than I did and you’ll undoubtedly avoid many of my blunders.

Most of all, it is my hope and my prayer that you will discover your real Prince Charming. And he’s not the guy you’ve got your eye on.

He’s the One, the only One, who will make you all-the-way-to-your-bones happy.

And He’s the One who will give you the strength and the will and the wisdom and the skill to love your man well.

To all of my girls, with all of my heart,

Diane