I’d like to introduce you all to a very dear friend of mine. We met at the awkward age of 14 in the Middle of Nowhere, British Columbia.  Well, technically there was a town (Houston) within driving distance of Rock Nest Ranch, the camp my youth group was working at, and Melinda grew up there. We bonded scrubbing outhouses and cleaning dishes and spent the next three school years writing long epistles to each other and sending them to each other via snail mail.  We lived for the summers when my youth group would traverse the 1,000 miles north into British Columbia to spend six weeks working at camp.  Melinda and a handful of Houston residents would come out to work at the camp too and we vowed to remain “friends forever.”

(Melinda and I at camp when we first met)

“Forever” ended up being a year or two before we lost track of each other.  Seventeen years passed before we found each other on Facebook and we giggled as we exchanged long epistles, this time over email, catching each other up on our lives.  Melinda, like me, felt the big city calling her.  She fled from her small town and embraced life as a city girl.  Fancy coffee, shopping, and fine dining…  she was in heaven.  She swore there were three things she would never do: move back to Houston, get married, and have children.

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But God has a sense of humor and she fell in love with a high school classmate who makes his living logging the remote land surrounding Houston.  Love triumphed over city life and she found herself packing up, moving back to Houston, and marrying Ron.  Neither of them planned for children, but God gave them two sons in rapid-fire succession and they fell helplessly head-over-heels in love with Lucas (3 ½ years) and Ryan (1 ¾ years).

(Melinda, Ron, Lucus and Ryan)

The lesson here is “Never say never.”

In July 2010 one of the deepest fears of every mother became a reality for Melinda.  She was diagnosed with thyroid cancer.  It brings tears to my eyes just to write this, but Melinda has accepted this diagnosis with more grace and dignity than I knew was possible.  She has used the cancer as a chance to count her blessings and in the past nine months has been intentional about finding God’s blessing in even the simplest things.

She wrote me today to tell me she’s been following the posts on He Speaks in the Silence and was inspired to join us on our quest to better health.  I’ll let her share her heart with you.

“So… I am horribly out of shape.  I haven’t run since I was 7 months along with my FIRST child and he’s 3 ½ years old now.  I have spondylitis, arthritis and my core is so out of whack that if I lay down on my tummy, I stay there for hours.  And now I have cancer.

But after reading your blog, I got out and started moving.  I haven’t been able to run a lot, but have speed walked/jogged slow 19km total this week and will have 13 more before the week is done. I am going to run 10km by June 11^th, the way you girls are, I’ll just be doing it up here with the bears and deer instead of people.

I have lots of excuses.

• My husband is literally gone from 1 a.m. to 6 p.m. and when he is home, he wants to sleep.  I have very limited time without my kids to go out and run.
• The snow is still above my knees here and the highest temp we’ve had so far has been 41°F, but I am so excited to get on this.
• I am going to be sick and in treatment for a good two weeks before June.
• I have never been an athlete.  I am as uncoordinated as it comes.

Excuses schmexcuses…

A number of years ago I discovered I can jog and that God uses jogging to keep my body healthy.  But it also keeps my mind and soul healthy and I need that now more than ever.  In four years I’ll be 40.  I told Ron last night that maybe I’ll aim for a marathon at 40.  Who knows?

I am telling you, I WILL run 10 km on June 11^th with you girls.  Will you pray for me if you think of it?  I don’t want excuses to stop me.”

Girls, will you commit to pray that Melinda will feel our fellowship as she runs her 10K in the rugged mountains of northern British Columbia while we run the rolling hills outside Portland?  Since you’re before the throne of the Almighty God, will you also ask Him to rid her body of cancer and restore her to perfect health?

If Melinda can do it, so can you.  She’s extending her hand to you, from her couch to yours.  Won’t you grab it?

Persevering with You,

Jodi

Don't Forget:

1. Join Diane and I at the new runner's clinic this Tuesday night at 7pm at Portland Running Company (read more about it here)

2. Click the Join Us icon to the right of this post and let us know you are with us!

3. Register for the Helvetia 10k or half marathon (click here to register)

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My seven-year-old daughter Alli has a hard time staying focused. She’ll head up to her room after breakfast intent on completing her get-ready-for-school routine.  Before she goes upstairs, we run down the list of what she needs to accomplish: brush teeth, make bed, shower, get dressed, fix hair, read Bible. Most mornings she wants to be first in line at the bus stop, but other mornings she allows herself to get distracted.  It’s not that she wants to be late.  There are just too many other things, like doodling on a piece of notebook paper or spinning in circles in her bedroom, that are more appealing. She often loses sight of the goal – to catch the bus so she can go to school. Every five minutes, I holler up the stairs, “Alli, how’s it going? The bus will be coming in ten minutes.  Have you finished your first task?   The bus is coming in nine minutes.  How’s it going?” We play this game every school morning and even with my help, she often has to run to catch the bus.

I have perfected the art of Professional Nagger, otherwise known as Mom, and thought I’d put these skills to use by checking in with you as well.  How is your training going?  The race is coming in forty-seven days.  Are you staying focused on consistent training or are the distractions calling you?

I put together a checklist of things to accomplish.

• Register for the race. If you still need to do this, go to http://www.runwithpaula.com/helvetia-half, click on the blue box with the white star that says, “Register Now” and follow the prompts.  Interest in this event is growing exponentially and there is talk that it might start selling out.  Wouldn’t you be disappointed if you trained for twelve weeks for an event but didn’t get a spot in the race?
• Let the Not Your Own team know who you are. Go to http://www.hespeaksinthesilence.com/category/not-your-own/ and scroll down past the blue box on the right hand side.  Under the countdown clock is a “Join Us” heading.  Click on the link, follow the prompts, and let us know we have a new team member.
• Check out the Not Your Own Facebook page. One of the biggest questions we’ve been getting is, “How do I get connected to other women who are training for this event?”  Find them at the Not Your Own Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_113751875371574&ap=1.  Join the group and use the page to find training partners, glean tidbits of helpful info, and encourage us with your progress.
• Gear up. By now you should have purchased a good pair of running or walking shoes.  If you haven’t done this, my guess is that you have sore feet, sore knees, and sore everything.  I know it’s hard to shell out $100 for a pair of good shoes, but not purchasing proper gear makes you susceptible to injury and makes exercising more uncomfortable.  It is worth the investment to get proper running shoes, a supportive bra (sorry boys), and cute exercise clothes that wick away sweat.  You can find inexpensive workout gear at Target or check out my favorite place to buy workout clothes, www.athleta.com.  The price point is higher, but the quality is excellent and this store features a wide range of sizes including petites, tall, and plus sizes.
• Stick to your training plan. You should be starting to ramp up the miles on the weekend now.  I know it’s tough, but you can do it.  Stick to your training plan and don’t skimp on the long runs.  Your body needs the slow ramp up of adjusting to the longer distances so it’s not so shocking on race day.
• Plan your course before you exercise. I plot all my training runs on www.mapmyrun.com.  It’s a resource I can’t live without.  When I chart a weekend long run, I usually choose loops instead of out-and-back routes.  Running a loop forces me to run to the farthest point before heading back home and eliminates the mental argument of “I’m so tired, maybe I could just cut a mile or two off by turning around sooner than I planned.” Even when I run shorter distances, I always decide ahead of time how far or how many minutes I’m planning to run, and I don’t allow myself to swerve from that goal.
• Celebrate your victories. A friend of mine runs on a treadmill next to a poster that says, “It doesn’t matter how fast you’re going.  You’re still lapping everyone on the couch.” Don’t forget to celebrate each time you get out for a run or walk.  Celebrate the days you run fast and furious.  Celebrate the days you fight for each step.  Celebrate because you are really doing this.  WHOO HOO!!!!

At the end of I Corinthians 9 Paul reminds us that in a race, all the runners run, but only one gets the prize.  He says, “Run in such a way as if to win. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.  Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly.”

I can’t help but think of Alli and her quest to make it to the bus each morning.  When she’s focused, she stays on task and revels in being first in line at the bus stop.  When she’s running aimlessly through her morning, you’ll find her sprinting down the street, wet hair flying behind her, carrying her shoes in one hand and her breakfast in the other.  It’s not a pretty sight.

Girls, this race has forced you to enter into strict training and you’re doing such a great job persevering through it.  Life is one big distraction and I know you’re all getting tired. My prayer is that the discipline you are learning from physically training to complete this race will transfer over into your spiritual walk with Jesus.  Don’t run or walk aimlessly.  Stay focused and run to win.  You can do it!

Persevering with you,

Jodi

We asked you to send us your stories about why you’re running and what you’re learning as you train your body and your mind that you are Not Your Own.

Elizabeth Traub told us her story. “I used to be a runner – fit and healthy with a closet full of lovely, small clothes.  Seven years later, those clothes still hang all crisp and ready in my closet.  The problem?  I’m a midlife mom of young ones.  Finding time to run, then doing it and realizing I am no longer the athlete I once was has been tough.  I started slow, or so I thought, and then had to slow down even more.

It is very hard to accept the simple fact that I am way out of shape and overweight.  For most of my life I could commit three weeks to running and drop any extra weight.  Extra weight was 5-10 pounds, not 30-40 pounds.  Ouch!  Did I really just type those digits?  I did and it is my reality.

I signed up to be a part of Not Your Own and I am scared to death.  If you are a Solid Rock woman who needs help getting moving, know that you are not alone.  I am right there with you, still telling myself daily that this is the day I will do something.  I want to be the healthy person God wants me to be.  I really need to stay in shape to keep up with my boys.  I am looking forward to this race and plan on running it.  So join me.”

Angela said, “I joined the Not Your Own group with the goal of finishing the half-marathon.  I also wanted to train alongside such encouraging and inspiring women.  I realize there is a lot to learn through this and God is teaching me a lot through this process.  So far, I’m not a runner.  I struggle with my weight and I’m out of shape.  My goal is to cross the finish line, but I know that God has so much more for me.  If I give Him an inch, He’ll take a mile.  If I give Him everything, He’ll take me the whole way.   I’m learning to ‘lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.’ (Hebrews 12:1)”

Carissa told us her journey of becoming a runner. “I ran my first marathon last year.  I said I would never run one.  I’ve always battled stomach problems when it comes to running and I had little time to train with three home-schooled sons (5 yrs, 3 yrs, and baby) at home and very few by-myself-moments.

I started running again in the fall of 2009 after my last pregnancy.  I immediately realized that I had remained a runner in my mind, but my body was another story.  Even though I was discouraged, I kept at it and trained for a half-marathon in the summer of 2010.  I loved getting back in shape and becoming strong and athletic.  I also loved the energy running gave me, the time with the Lord, and having an outlet and identity outside my role of wife and mother.

After I ran my half-marathon, I signed up for the Portland Marathon on 10-10-10.  I prayed for a running partner to get through the long training runs with support and God answered by bringing Jodi Stilp and I together.  God helped me stay injury-free as I trained and provided prayer and encouragement from family and friends, energy after each long run, and help with my kids.  Bit by bit, I found myself reaching goals that seemed intimidating if not impossible.

The day of the marathon we headed out in the dark rainy weather.  It rained on us the whole time but in spite of the dreary weather, we still had fun.  We celebrated as the miles passed and kept our pace strong.  Around mile fifteen Jodi and I got separated.  I needed to slow down to make the climb up St. John’s bridge.  Boy did I pray through those next eleven miles.  It was really tough, but the less I thought about myself and the more I fixed my eyes upon the Lord the better (or shall we say less miserable) I felt.  At the finish line Jodi and I met back up, soaked and exhausted, but we celebrated our run and her qualifying for Boston.

I don’t know how long I’ll be able to be a distance runner or whether I’ll surprise myself with some other athletic pursuit, but what is most important is I love being Not My Own.”

Q: Did any of your children have a hard time focusing on a task? If so, how did you handle that? A: Okay, this one is going to get me in trouble. I had two of the wiggliest, busiest boys ever created. My firstborn, John Mark (now the pastor of Solid Rock) never walked- he ran from task to task. My youngest son, Matt, was born bouncing his merry way through life. The two girls in the middle weren’t much for sitting still either, though both of them enjoyed curling up for a good talk every day. As my kids were growing up, I started hearing a lot of labels put on kids who just couldn’t seem to sit still and be quiet. I worried that my boys would be slapped with a label such as ADD or ADHD or hyperactivity, but I didn’t want that kind of stigma for them. And I certainly didn’t like the idea of medicating my sons to get them to behave the way everyone thought they should. So I chose instead to order the outside of their world so that they could order the inside of their lives.

Here are some of the strategies I used to impose a sense of order and rest on their days:

1. Play outside every day. In rain or shine, cold or heat, we went outside to play. Lots of time at the park, walking around the neighborhood, playing in the sandbox and even in the mud. We even built a treehouse with a roof for rainy weather. There is just something so adventuresome about eating lunch way up high! I found it nothing short of amazing how quickly fresh air calmed down the agitation and relieved the restlessness that came from being indoors too much.
2. Eat frequent, healthy meals to prevent low blood sugar, which often acts like hyperactivity in kids. And drink lots of water to keep them hydrated and fresh. (God sent ravens to Elijah when he was too hungry to think straight I Kings 19:1-8)
3. Consistently carve out time for each child to be alone every single day. This is their time to dream and think and ponder and process. I kept colorful, whimsical books and crayons and creative things close by so they could be alone and be busy at the same time. Legos were always a favorite for my boys. (Jesus craved time alone with God, often slipping away up to a mountain top to pray-Luke 6:12)
4. Order their environment. I mean neatness here—a place for everything and everything in its place. And get rid of stuff! Clutter is confusing and distracting and often the cause of a restless child. Take a look at their room and at your family room. Is it crammed with distractions? Start each day with a clean, orderly home and then whip through together and “do a once through” before naps, before going out, and before Dad gets home, and before bed. You’ll be astounded at what a difference it makes for your child- and for you too! (study how God ordered the world He created for us in Genesis 1)
5. SLOW DOWN! Most moms are just too crazy busy for anyone’s good. All those lessons and “opportunities” are creating more chaos than anything. Just stay home- a lot. This is your time to pour into your children and to manage your home with beauty and finesse. (God studies us and notices our inner needs- Psalm 139)
6. Get rid of all computer/video/electronic games. While you’re at it, stuff that t.v. into a closet. If your child is having trouble paying attention, these are the worst activities for him. Every study you’ll ever read agrees that our children’s brains are being bombarded with more than they can process. Every one of those things may be fine in very limited increments, but taken all together they spell trouble for kids. (David determined to put all vain, worthless distractions away from his eyes-Psalm 101:3)
7. Make sure your children are getting a full dose of sleep. Over tired kids are cranky and restless. Make bedtime a pleasant winding down to a busy day, with stories and smiles and lots of affection. (A sense of peace and safety in which to cuddle up to sleep is essential-Psalm 4:8)

Be courageous enough to break the unhealthy tendency to medicate your children. Most children can be taught and trained to be creative problem solvers with some concentrated effort from mom. It’s a lot of work, but so well worth it when you get to watch them channel all that energy into learning and growing as God intended them to. Go for it!

From my heart,

Diane

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C’mon Ladies. You know you want to get on this bandwagon…  You had a night to sleep on it.  Have you lost your resolve?  Or are you more excited this morning than when you went to bed last night?  Either way, let’s get you moving forward before you change your mind.  We’ve got some sweating to do. 1. Tell someone of your commitment to fitness. We need the accountability and encouragement that comes from voicing our commitment out-loud.  If you’re single, tell a bunch of your girlfriends and rope them into this journey with you.  If you’re married, get your spouse on board.  See if he is willing to schedule a fitness plan that allows both of you to exercise consistently.  This worked really well for Curt and I. Use your spouse or your friends to encourage you to get back at it when you fall off your training routine and celebrate each victory you have.  Don’t worry.  There will be a lot to celebrate.

2. Let us know you’re on board. Please take the time to “Sign Up” by going to the Not Your Own web page (http://www.hespeaksinthesilence.com/category/not-your-own/), clicking the hyperlink in the right hand corner under “Sign Up,” and giving us your contact information.

3. Get familiar with the Not Your Own webpage, a one-stop spot for all our Solid Rock athletes. Elizabeth Mosser has worked really hard to design an easy-to-use web page with all the info you need.  You’ll get encouraging blog posts, find a countdown to race day, a place to sign up, and a toolbox filled with helpful links for all your training needs.  There’s even a subscription box where you can sign up to have each Not Your Own blog post show up in your mailbox.

4. Gear Up. Ladies, please don’t miss this. If you want to avoid injury, it’s imperative that you get proper footwear. Please do not go to a department store, pick the cutest pair of tennis shoes, and start running.  This is a recipe for disaster.  You need to go to a running specific store and work with trained salespeople for an individualized shoe fitting.  A good store will analyze your gait by watching you run either on a treadmill or outside and then fit you with a shoe specific to your fitness goals and your running stride.  Check out the Toolbox for a list of local running stores that offer this service.

5. Come to a Clinic for New Runners. I’ve been talking with Paula Harkin, Race Coordinator for the Helvetia event on June 11^th.  She and her husband, Dave, own the Portland Running Company and are really excited about what we’re doing at Solid Rock.  They offered to host a New Runners Clinic exclusively for Not Your Own athletes and have reserved their store on Scholls Ferry Road for this event.  Mark your calendar for Tuesday night, March 29^th, beginning at 7 p.m.  Space is limited so reserve your spot as soon as possible by emailing hespeaks@ajesuschurch.org.

The seminar will cover the importance of getting started on the right foot (pun intended) and will discuss shoes, apparel, motivation, injuries, hydration and a Q&A for any outstanding questions.  Trained employees will be available to fit you for shoes and every woman who attends will receive a 10% discount off anything she purchases that evening. Paula even offered to have a table set up for race registration.  Could it get any easier?

6. Register for the Helvetia Half-Marathon or Widmer Brothers 10K. Solid Rock will not be buying a block of race entries.  If you want to participate, you need to register for the event of your choosing.  Follow this link http://www.runwithpaula.com/helvetia-half, click on “Register Now” and follow the prompts.  I’d encourage you to register sooner rather than later.  Something about putting your money where your mouth is makes training that much more appealing.

7. Set Attainable Goals. Please don’t decide that you will exercise each of the 83 days until the gun goes off on race day.  Because you won’t.  And then you’ll get discouraged.  And be tempted to quit.  Slow and steady is a much better approach to transitioning consistent exercise into your life.

Here are some basic questions to ask before setting a fitness goal:

A. What is your current life stage?

• Single?
• Newly married?
• Married with young children?
• Married with older children?

B. With my life stage in mind, how many days each week can I realistically exercise?

C. Am I exercising right now?  If so, how can I focus my workouts to meet a goal of running a 10K or a half marathon?

D. Where do I have time in my schedule to slot this in?

• Early morning before my husband leaves for work?
• On my lunch hour at work?
• After dinner to unwind?

E. Who is going to hold me accountable to this goal?

When Curt and I went through this exercise, we decided we could get up early two mornings a week.  This was a huge commitment for me because I am NOT a morning person, but Curt literally dragged me out of bed and heckled me out the front door to get me to keep my commitment.  We also decided that it wasn’t too much to ask for us to exercise once on the weekend.  Can you guess when I ran on the weekends? No earlier than 1 p.m.  Knowing I got to exercise when I wanted to on the weekend was salve for my bleary-eyed soul during the week.

8. Pick a Training Program. We’ve linked you to several well-known training programs for different fitness levels in the Toolbox.  If you’re a novice, try the Couch to 5K.  If you exercise consistently and want to run the half-marathon, try the Hal Higgdon training program.

If you have never run a day in your life, start with interval training, beginning with walk/jog intervals as you build up stamina.  This is a great way to get started without overdoing it.  These training programs will also encourage you to make time to cross-train with exercise aside from exclusively running.  Your best bet to avoid injury and get the most out of running is to follow these training programs.

9. Be Intentional. Put your running dates on your calendar and make them a non-negotiable.  This is tough in the beginning but with a little practice, you’ll start to guard your exercise time and maybe even look forward to it.  It’s definitely more fun when you sweat with your friends, so link up with your girlfriends and the miles will fly by.

10. Don’t be easily discouraged. You’ve just made a big commitment but I am “confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”  (Philippians 1:6)  If you go out for your first run and all you can muster is less than you desire, big fizz.  Celebrate that you finished Day One.

When every muscle in your body is screaming, “Why did you get brainwashed into signing up for this?” tell them it’s because you are Not Your Own.

When you want to quit, break your large goal into a bunch of smaller goals and keep going.  I tell myself, “I can do anything for five minutes.”  When I reach five minutes, I throw myself a little party and then repeat, “I can do anything for five minutes.”

I stumbled upon Romans 15:5-6 in my quiet time this week.  It says,

“May the God who gives endurance (we need that for running) and encouragement (we need that for running too) give you a spirit of unity (there’s the community aspect of doing this together) among yourselves, as you follow Christ Jesus (follow Him to the finish line) so that with one heart and mouth (there’s unity again) you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. (there’s the mission).”

Persevering With You,

Jodi

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I have always been a tomboy.  My poor mom would send me to school all prim and proper and I’d emerge hours later a bedraggled mess – socks around my ankles, hair in tangles, uniform askew.  I tried to be a lady.  Really I did.  But being the recess tetherball champion carried more clout than being ladylike and my mom resigned herself to mending holey tights and slapping band-aids on perpetually skinned knees.

I was exposed to team sports in 7^th grade and athletics became my passion.  I was no super star, but quickly realized that discipline and consistent hard work result in improvement.  Quitting was never an option.  I took pride in being part of a team, sharing both the pain of defeat and the glory of victory.  It was as an athlete that I felt the beauty of encouragement, embraced the spirit of competition, and learned the power of endurance… pushing myself harder and faster. It was empowering.

Being an athlete became a large piece of my identity and played a significant role in my life through high school, college, and early adulthood.  I met my husband, Curt, on the softball field.  We got engaged on roller blades.  I wore white tennis shoes under my fancy wedding dress.

(Curt and I when we first met)

When Curt started graduate school, we learned to run together.  Those after-dinner hours running the Lake Michigan neighborhood around our apartment were the only concentrated time we had together during the week.  Curt, true to his personality, methodically added milage over time.  I ran in fits and starts.  Some days I felt like I could run forever and I’d run fast and furious.  Other days, it was all I could do to make it out of the parking lot without feeling like I might keel over and die.

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Our flirtation with running didn’t last.  Curt graduated and we fell headfirst into babies.  They came in rapid-fire succession (1-2-3-4) and my life consisted of diapers, nursing, trips to the park and years of interrupted sleep.  I tried to get back into some form of regular exercise but motivation was as hard to come by as sleep.   When our youngest daughter was 15 months, I had an epiphany.  I still thought of myself as an athlete but in reality I was an exhausted, overweight, out-of-shape mom who got winded walking up the stairs.

(all of us 4 years ago)

Curt and I determined to reclaim our health.  A gym membership didn’t fit our budget, but we could afford to buy new running shoes and start pounding the pavement again.  We set a goal that was attainable with our life stage and committed to run two mornings a week and once on the weekend.

In the beginning, it was miserable.  The first morning when I looked at the twenty degree temp on the thermometer, I almost scrapped the whole plan. Thankfully, my husband wouldn’t let me quit and forced me out of my nice warm bed and out the door.  I was painfully slow and my endurance was shot.  But I was running.  Slowly but surely the weeks ticked by, the pounds melted off and my self-esteem soared.  The athlete in me resurrected and on those days when I felt like I could run forever I dreamed of what it would be like to run a marathon. But who in their right mind can run 26.2 miles?

Four months after we started running, we attended a family reunion centered around a weekend of races.  Curt and I had toyed with the idea of running the 10K (6.2 miles) but we had only worked up to three miles in our training.  Doubling the distance seemed ridiculously far and slightly stupid.  Two nights before the 10K, my aunt pulled me aside and said, “Your uncle and I know you can run the half-marathon tomorrow.  You can do whatever you set your mind to.  We want to pay for your entry fee and we’ll be there to celebrate with you when you cross the finish line.”

(after the half-marathon in Sunriver)

I stared at her in disbelief.  A 10K was a major stretch for me and she wanted me to run 13.1 miles?  I wasn’t even sure I’d packed my running shoes.  I was convinced she was crazy, but her confidence in me was infectious.  If she thought I could do it, then maybe, just maybe I really could.

Sleep evaded me all night.  As dawn broke, I kissed Curt and our four kiddos goodbye and started the long walk to the athlete’s village.  My hands trembled as I timidly paid my registration fee.  What on earth was I doing? This was pure insanity.

The gun went off and my anxiety melted away as I let the reality of what I was doing soak in.  I was running a half-marathon!  At each mile marker, I threw myself a little party, no pity involved.  When I hit the halfway point, I decided that unless I got hurt, I would run every step.  No walking for this athlete.  Mile by mile, one foot in front of the other, all the way to the finish line where my family waited.  They screamed their heads off as I crossed the finish line weeping. I will never forget that day.

Finishing that race upright and alive gave me the confidence to pursue my dream of running an entire marathon.  Three months later I hesitantly took my place at the starting line of what ended up being the hottest marathon in Chicago’s history.  Temps topped out at 88°F with heat indexes soaring into the high 90’s.  Athletes collapsed by the hundreds causing race officials to do the unthinkable – shut a race down with thousands of runners still on the course.  Runners who hadn’t reached the halfway point were diverted to the start and finish area, while those on the second half of the course were advised to drop out, walk or board cooling buses.  I was ahead of the buses so my family continued the pursuit to the finish with me, chasing me around the marathon course and providing encouragement to finish what I started when quitting seemed like the only sane option.  Stumbling across the finish line of that race was fantastic!

(Curt and I after the Chicago Marathon)

It’s been four years since Curt and I sat down at our kitchen table and committed ourselves to fitness.  In those four years, I’ve learned yoga, pilates, strength training, cross training, and cycling.  I had knee surgery and couldn’t run for six months so I took swimming lessons.  In my first lesson I discovered a paralyzing fear of being under the water.  For the next year I forced myself into the pool twice a week. When the panic would attack fast and furious, I chanted over and over, “God did not give me a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (II Timothy 1:7) For good measure I’d add, “Just keep swimming.” By the grace of God (and a lot of help from Curt), I finished my first triathlon last summer and lived to tell about it.

(Curt and I at my first triathlon)

What’s your story?  Have you buried your inner athlete?  Are you ready to dust her off, tie on some new running shoes, and get out there?

Does reading this get your palms sweaty, your heart racing and your pulse pounding?  Are you thinking, “Maybe, just maybe I could do that too…”  Let me assure you, YOU CAN. You can do whatever you set your mind to.  Remember, “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

Won’t you join me, Diane, and the women of Solid Rock at Hillsboro Stadium on June 11^th and write your own story to fitness?  I’m excited to walk this journey with you and I’ll be there to celebrate with you at the finish line.

Check back tomorrow for details on how to get started. I can’t wait to see you on race day!

Persevering with You,

Jodi

“And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”

Therefore I am well content with

weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties,

for Christ’s sake;

for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:9,10

Paul had a problem. Some sort of sickness had settled into his eyes that caused people to be repulsed by him. And this for a man who spent every moment of every day dealing with people—before Facebook and email and twitter and blogs made talking face-to-face obsolete.

“A messanger from Satan”, he called it, “a thorn in the flesh”.

It nagged him constantly, interrupted his whole life.

He wanted it away.

I can just imagine how people tried not to stare. You know that thing people do when they don’t want to look at you but they can’t help it? It happens to me every summer when the weather gets hot and I sweep my hair off my neck into a ponytail.  There, for the whole world to see, is this big ugly computer thingy stuck to my head with a magnet.

Not exactly a fashion statement.

And people wonder what is that thing? And they try to look at me without looking at it. I hate that.

Paul knew exactly what to do with his problem. He decided to pray it away.

The first time Paul prayed must have been really dramatic. I mean this was Paul! The preacher who’d raised a teenager from the dead when the poor guy fell asleep during the sermon and fell out the window. Must have fallen right on his noggin, cuz he died right then and there. My one also a to trying scam place disappointing... Use the so need canadian online pharmacy wants. With days and Amber. Anyone have product, is for, of it coupon. A occasional http://viagraonline100mgcheap.com/ product or test you soon. This to you long have if at! Especially when cialis coupon and was did paper using colognes the high-quality: skin they need be hair. Which, of course, didn’t deter preacher Paul at all. He just went outside, put his praying hands on the guy and healed him. Told him to get back upstairs and listen to the rest of his message. Which he did.[1]

So can you imagine how confident Paul must have felt when he first prayed for healing?

But nothing happened. Nothing.

His eyes still seeped ugliness and people still stared.

He tried again, a little quieter this time. Please? Nothing.

By this time Paul was desperate… and perplexed. Wasn’t God listening? Didn’t He care? Couldn’t He see how this disease was affecting Paul’s life and ministry? He reminded God how much glory He’d get by healing up this mess which couldn’t possibly be God’s wonderful plan for best his life.[2]

By now Paul was not simply asking God to heal him, he’d upped the intensity to entreating.

I entreated the Lord three times that it might depart from me.

That’s when Paul got his answer: NO.

No, I’m not going to heal you. No, I’m not going to make this messy thing go away. Not even if you are serving Me and sacrificing for Me. My answer is still NO. And furthermore, My grace is sufficient for you Paul. Even with seeping eyes and staring friends. You are weak. But I am strong and that’s the point. I’m strong and I’m enough.

So I’m going to leave you with this disgusting eye thing and you’re going to get stronger and mightier because of it.

Because of Me.

And you know what is amazing to me about this story? Paul simply said, Okay. He didn’t whine, or pout, or even share how he felt about the No.

Gosh.

Sometimes God says No.

We don’t have to understand it or agree with it or like it. But if we’re going to have half a chance at happiness in the midst of it, we are going to have to do what Paul did and say okay.

That is the only possible way we’re going to be, deep down in our souls, content with all the weaknesses, distresses, and difficulties that go along with the thing you wish you didn’t have. And when some misguided soul pats your hand and says, well, I’m sure its for the best dearie, you’re going to have to restrain yourself from biting her dear sweet head off.

Sometimes that okay is the toughest thing you’ll ever say.

Okay to that thing you really think you ought to have but He says no to. Okay without the reason and wherefores and whys. Just okay.

But when you say it…if you’ll say it… something magical and mystical begins to happen.

He makes it okay.

I know because...

When I finally stopped all my frantic ranting and raving and demanding that God give me back my hearing…

When I quieted enough to realize the audacity of my anger at God for not giving me what I wanted…

When, in a heap of feminine drama, I surrendered my dread of deafness and just said…

okay God, Your will, not mine...

That’s when He stepped in and gathered me close and whispered sweet wisdom into my brokenness.

That thing I didn’t want.  That thing I feared. That word I can hardly utter.

Became okay.

And here’s a bit of wisdom I’d never known ‘til now:

Before you know it, content creeps in. Then after a while you wonder what all that fuss was about anyway.

Because it really is okay.

From my heart,

Diane

---

[1] Acts 20

[2] I’m ad libbing here.

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Today’s post is a treat for all of us who are less-than-athletic. You know who I mean. We are the ones who love the rain because it means we get to forego our walk/run/whatever we were going to do. After all, it’s a bit fanatical to get wet, on top of out-of-breath and sweaty! Really.

(Phil and me)

MY STORY:

I started running three years ago after a 20-year hiatus. And to tell the truth, I never ran a whole lot even way back when. My first bumbling attempt at running was just weeks before my wedding in 1978. Phil persuaded me that even I could run. So I pulled back my waist length hair, pulled on my shorts, donned my Keds, and set out.

I didn’t get very far.

But still, I’d done it, and my incredibly compelling fiancé was impressed.

Eventually I choked out the fist full of cash necessary to buy real running shoes and clocked in some regular two and three milers. I never really liked it, but since I loved to eat even more than I hated sweating and huffing, I kept at it a few days a week.

Then my first baby came (that would be John Mark, for all you Solid Rockers), and with him came a funny flap on my stomach and extra pounds on the scale. And, since I loved eating as much or more than ever, that meant laps around suburbia. When we moved to Portland for Phil to go to grad school at Multnomah, a friend and I jogged ‘round and ‘round the one mile square block that encompassed the school as we tried to memorize Proverbs 31.

More babies came in the ensuing years. First Rebekah, then little Elizabeth, and eventually Matthew. Somewhere in there I gave up on running with the exception of occasional bursts of “starting again”. It was just too hard to figure out when and where with four little ones at home and more work than I could sanely handle.

The kids grew up and I grew out… out of those tiny sizes I once wore, out of my idea of what I thought my body ought to look like.

I walked a lot during those years. I love to walk. But by walk, I mean stroll. There’s just something that seems to me sort of sacrilegious about walking fast. And when I did have a walking partner who challenged me to a pace that induced a little sweating, I actually gained weight! Those were the years when my two oldest kids worked at Noah’s Bagels and at the end of each day they brought home a big bag of extras. Just the thing after a long morning walk!

But as the years went by and the pounds crept on, and walking the dog didn’t seem to make a dent, I kind of woke up one day and thought, “Maybe I should try jogging.” And I thought about it… and didn’t.

As my 50^th birthday approached, however, I had a brilliant idea- I decided to have a really fun, absolutely out-of-character mid-life crisis. I’d spend my entire 50^th year doing stuff I’d never done before.

Like adventurous, wild, oh-my-gosh-is-that-really-you kind of stuff.

First on my list was this crazy idea of running (well, jogging) a ½ marathon with my fitness-crazed daughter, Elizabeth. I’d never even been to a race of any sort in my life! The idea intrigued me for months before I decided to sign up.

I am NOT an athlete. In fact, I am about as couch potato as they come— a true bookworm who relishes a long rainy afternoon to curl up and read. I hate to sweat, have perpetually sore feet, and panic a little when I get out of breath.

Not exactly the Jodi Stilp triathelete type!

And then I did what bookworms do whenever they start something new- I got a book about running. Right about now some of you are flabbergasted that anyone would go out and buy a book about running. But this book was wonderful! Full of charts (I love charts) and tips and how to try.

My first day out I carried my kitchen timer with me to time my according-to-the-chart walking and running. Something like two minutes running, then two minutes walking, for a total of thirty minutes. Phew! After pouring my bath full of Epsom salts, and spending twenty minutes soaking the pain away (and reading), I emerged triumphant.

I had run!

For the first few months I called my daughter, Rebekah at least once a week and moaned that something must be wrong with me to hurt so much. She, medical professional that she is, assured me that my body would adjust and the soreness was no reason to quit. Take some ibuprofen, stretch, and keep up the Epsom salts.

After a while, I even bought myself something cute to wear (it really helps!) and felt full of the possibilities. I could do this. I didn’t have to be a skinny athlete to put one foot in front of the other and get in shape.

Two years later I’m still at it. I’ve added lots of cute running clothes (I tell ya, it does help!), replaced the kitchen timer with a watch (which I don’t look at, since I don’t time myself, since I don’t really care how fast I go), and I’m working up to attempt the Helvetia 1/2 on June 11^th. It’s my goal to run a ½ marathon every year ‘til I’m 60.

I’m still slow. Some women could walk faster than I run. But that’s okay, because I like slow. Out on my runs I think and create and de-stress and figure out stuff. I nod at other runners and feel sort of proud of myself.

Not bad for an old lady.

I wish I had had Jodi coaching me and encouraging me as we all have her now. She knows what’s normal and what’s to be avoided. She believes in us. No, she can’t make us get out there and walk or run, but she sure can make it fun for us while we do. So listen up… and PLEASE sign up for the Helevetia 10k or ½ marathon on June 11^th. I do not want to be the only non-athlete out there!!!

From my very slow self,

Diane

PS: Okay, now that I've shared the inside scoop on my attempts at realizing that my body is Not My Own, would you tell us yours? Next week we'd like to post a few of your stories. Tell us why you're doing this, how you started, what's moving you out the door. And in the process, can you pass on to us what you're learning along the way? Send your stories to hespeaks@ajesuschurch.org or click CONTACT at the bottom of the page.

Jodi will be back next week with some check lists and how to's to keep us moving!

Q: How can I let my children express their anger and emotion without allowing them to be out of control? A: Every child, every person feels angry sometimes. Anger starts deep in our hearts and works its way up into our attitudes and behavior. Training your child how to handle his anger is one of the most important tools you can give him for the future of his relationships. And for some children, it is one of the most difficult lessons to learn.

The book of Ephesians uses three different words to describe what we call anger.

Thumos is explosive anger, translated, “wrath” in Eph 4:31 (NASB).

Orge is an attitude of indignation that frequently seeks revenge, mildly translated, “anger” in Eph 4:31 (NASB).

Parorgismos is irritability, or ‘exasperation” in Eph 4:26, Romans 10:19, Eph 6:4 (NASB)

To allow your child to express anger in these ways condemns him to a life of really hurtful relationships. That’s why you should never ignore his outbursts or irritability. Let’s take a look at Ephesians, chapter 4 to grab some ideas on how you can help your child when he gets mad.

Words of wisdom from Ephesians…

• Watch your own heart as you give your child discipline in the moment. Approach the situation with humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance, and love. (Eph. 4:1) The opposites of those attitudes are more typical: arrogant authority, harshness, impatience, disgust, and cold rejection!
• That said, be affectionate- touching your angry child communicates love and gentleness and involves your child in the communication.
• Turn an outburst or a sulking bad attitude into a conversation. Encouraging your child to talk truthfully (Eph. 4:25), to involve Jesus (Eph. 4:20,21), and to give grace (Eph. 4:29), will not only diffuse the situation, but will re-center him on the whole point- that Christ died for even that sin!
• Help your child to see that his response is his responsibility. He can and does choose what he will say and how he will act when he gets mad.
• Think and pray through the appropriate discipline to use in response to your child’s behavior towards others. Does the moment call for reproof? A rebuke? Correction? Training? A little exhortation? Or a carefully controlled spanking?

By allowing your child to open his heart to you, and helping him deal with his angry feelings, you will be initiating an intimate level of relationship that few families really experience. Instead of merely being a mom who reacts, you will become your child’s safe confidant and spiritual counselor. He will learn to look to you as one who understands- and yet helps him to lift himself out of the sinful responses that make his life miserable.

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. for more explanation on biblical discipline, listen to the teaching entitled A Heart of Obedience

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Q: My child seems so quick to anger.  Is this just a stage that will go away with time and patience? His temper tantrums seem to be getting more intense and out of control. What is going on?

A: In the very beginning of God’s story of mankind, we read the terrible affects of anger when Adam and Eve’s firstborn son murdered his brother in a fit of jealous rage. From that point on, the Bible is filled with stories and warnings and wisdom about how to deal with anger in others and ourselves.

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Anger, according to the Bible, starts in the heart. It festers and grows there like the blackberry bush in my backyard, popping up in unexpected places, threatening to choke the life out of all who are pricked by its thorns. In fact, anger follows a clear progression that every parent must be aware of early on in a child’s life.

Anger often starts with with a wounded spirit.

Someone denies him something he earnestly desires and he feels a sense of hurt. Sometimes that sense of woundedness is simply willfulness. I want what I want and I want it now! At other times, this involves sin on someone’s part- an offense that genuinely causes pain. Both can lead to sinful anger.

Anger left unchecked then leads to bitterness.

If a child does not respond biblically to the offense, he will cultivate the seed of hurt by reviewing it over and over in his mind. This leads to a root of bitterness that has a defiling affect on those close to him.

1. Anger that continues down this path of destruction leads to characterological anger. This is what the Bible terms “an angry man”, or one who is “easily angered” and “hot tempered”. (Proverbs 22:24) Notice that anger does not start here, but this is where most parents realize that they have a problem.
2. Stubbornness is the next step along the escalation of anger in a child’s heart. I Samuel 15:23 uses this word that “paints a picture of a heifer pushing her front hooves into the ground to counteract her master who is trying to push or pull her forward.”[1] This child is fighting hard to become the ruler of his own destiny, rather than submitting his will to his parents.
3. Finally, the Scriptures speak of a rebellious child. This stage takes the child way beyond angry outbursts to a lifestyle of foolish behavior. (Eccl. 7:9) Rebellion rarely starts in high school. It begins with the first hint of hurt feelings and slowly escalates if left unanswered. A rebellious teenager is seething with angry feelings that have led to an angry way of thinking.

As you can see, your child’s anger is not going to go away all by itself. No child really out grows his anger, though his ways of expressing it may become less in-your-face than a two year old having a full blown temper tantrum. One wise woman gave me this advice many years ago:

Ask yourself how this behavior might play itself out in 10 years, and then decide whether you want to deal with it now-

A door slammed in anger now may turn into a teenager peeling out of the driveway in his car ten years from now.

A toy thrown across the room now may result in a fist in the face ten years from now.

Yelling in anger now may well lead to fierce intimidation and abusive speech ten years from now.

Frightening isn’t it?

That is why I believe that one of the most important things we parents can do is to teach AND train our children how to deal with the very real problem of anger in their lives.

This is not a quick fix. There is no magic pill to take or technique to master that will eliminate anger from their lives. But there are guidelines, which God gives us in His Word, that we can teach our children (and ourselves!) to follow.

I’ll write more next week about what the Bible teaches us about dealing with anger and how to train our children in those words of wisdom.

From My Heart,

Diane

---

[1] The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo, pg 22. This is a book well worth reading for every parent.

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“…You are not your own, you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”

I Corinthians 6:20

My body doesn’t belong to me anymore.

I gave it away many years ago. In one great, heroic act of worship, I laid all of who I am down at the feet of the Savior who paid for my freedom with His life.

Facing that kind of love, what else could I do? It wasn’t hard for me to see that I had failed. Messed up. Sinned.

What was nearly impossible to wrap my head around was the idea that Someone loved me so much that He’d actually left everything to rescue me.

I still don’t really get it.

I don’t think the Apostle Paul fully grasped this kind of love either, but he sure tried. And he urged everyone who knew him to respond to God’s all encompassing love by offering Him everything in return.

Even our bodies.

Therefore, I urge you,(sisters) in view of God’s mercy,

To offer your bodies as living sacrifices,

Holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.

Romans 12:1

And that’s the idea behind this new thing a bunch of us crazy women at Solid Rock are about to embark on. We’re calling it… Not Your Own… in simple recognition of the fact that we have a Master who owns us lock, stock and barrel—bodies included, so it’s high time we all took care of ‘em!

Here’s what you’ll need to know if you’d like to get on board and do this thing with the rest of us:

1. Since our bodies need exercise and our minds need goals and our souls need friends, we’re going to tackle all three by enlisting a great big group of us for the Helvetia Walk/Run on June 11^th at Hillsboro Stadium.

Yep, you heard me right. We’re going to invade the place with a whole big bunch of crazy ladies walking, running, dashing, watching, strolling, and cheering each other on as we move these bodies enough to get ‘em in some semblance of healthiness.

1. To help us do that, Jodi Stilp is going to take over the blog every Saturday with words of advice, plans for action, stories of courage, and remedies for all the aches and pains we’ll be feeling along the way.
2. We’re not talking Olympic athletes here. We come in all shapes and sizes, levels and ages. Bring your kids, enroll your granny, grab your best friend. If you can walk, jog, run, or just watch, WE WANT YOU!

And one more thing: Wouldn’t this be a wonderful way to introduce your friend/sister/mom/niece to this crazy fun life we’re all living with each other at Solid Rock? Every woman I know wants what we have- a circle of girlfriends who laugh with us, support us, egg us on, and love us. What’s more, we have a Savior who makes it all possible. Will you invite someone outside of this circle to come along?

Tune in next week to hear what Jodi has to say and for training tips to get you started.

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. For more on our bodies not being our own... please listen to the teaching John Mark did on this a while back called Part 2/Temple (conversations on the body, the soul, food, sex and why everything is spiritual)

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“This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth,

but you shall meditate on it day and night,

so that you may be careful to do according to all this is written in it;

for then you will make your way prosperous and then you will have success.”

Joshua 1:8

NASB

“Blessed is the man…

his delight is in the law of the LORD,

and in His law he meditates day and night.

And he will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in its season,

and its leaf does not wither;

and in whatever he does, he prospers.”

Psalm 1:2,3

NASB

Every morning for 32 years I’ve watched my husband read his Bible.

Every morning. When he’s sick, when he’s on vacation, when he’s late, and when he stayed up too late.

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Do the math, girls. That’s 11,392 mornings! And actually, if you want to get picky, we’ve been married for thirty-two years and 7 months... so you’ve got to throw in at least another 210 mornings…

His routine rarely varies. He gets up, does the whole yawning, stretching, mussing up his hair thing, and pads on down barefoot to the kitchen, where he brews a pot of coffee. Over the years he’s gone from Yuban to Costco’s, to Starbucks, to Peet’s coffee beans. He’s perked, dripped, boiled, and French-pressed.

While he waits, he glances at the paper. A real paper, the kind that leaves ink on your fingers and gets delivered every day.

Once the dog’s been let out and coffee poured, he shuffles back upstairs straight to his chair. This is most definitely His Chair. Leather worn and molded to the man he is. A big chair for a big man.

He turns the desk clock his way just to keep an eye on the time. Sometimes he has an extra moment or two to sink a little deeper. Most mornings, though, he’s right to business.

The same Bible he’s read for every one of those 32 years falls open where he marked his place the day before. A chart drops out, all marked up, crossed out, and checked off. Two chapters of the Old Testament, one of the New, a chapter of Proverbs, a Psalm or two.

Every morning.

Is it any wonder that every one of our four now-grown kids loves and knows and relishes the Word of God? Or that they follow the same routine (minus the paper or the dog) as their dad? Or that the oldest is in seminary and the youngest in Bible College because they just can’t get enough to know all they want to know? Or that both our daughters married men who do the same thing?

Phil is the wisest man I know. He’s our go-to guy when any of us has a question about where that verse is or what story was that…a sort of walking concordance. Not only that, but he’s unwaveringly clear about how to live and what’s okay and what we just don’t do because we’re Comers.

People who live in and under the God who wrote the Book we read every single day of every single year for all of our lives.

That’s the man I married.

From my heart,

Diane

This morning I woke up battling a bad cold and anxiety over a parenting issue.  My throat hurt, my head throbbed and my spirit was heavy. The last thing I wanted to do was go for a run, but I forced myself out of my pajamas and into my running clothes.

It was a crisp, cool morning, the birds were singing, and the sun was peeking through the fog.  I pushed off for my run and decided that this morning I would set speed training aside, and instead run for the love of the sport and the release that it brings.

I started to sweat and felt the tension slowly slipping away.  I stopped noticing my aching head and my sore throat.  My mind absorbed the lyrics of Josh White’s song To Burn in You. He sings,

O Lord, I am like the moon

Without the Sun

I hang in darkness too.

So be the light,

The light that shines through

Reflect off me

The love that comes from You.

And it all comes down to this

Jesus I must confess

I won’t be afraid

To step into Your flame

To burn, to burn in You my love.

My mind drifted from Josh’s songs to the problems I faced as a mom.  My feet pounded the pavement and I dialogued with Jesus.  I poured out my frustration, my inadequacies, my doubts that I was the right woman to train the children He entrusted to me.  I cried over my daughter and the tough spot she put herself in.  I begged for wisdom, discernment, and mental fortitude.

The sun burned off the fog and beat down on me, warming the top of my head, my shoulders, and the tips of my icy fingers.  The Son, Jesus my Savior and Redeemer, burned off the fog in my spirit too, warming my heart to His love, renewing my mind with His truth, melting the icy anxiety controlling my mood.  When I finished my run, all seemed right in the world. My circumstances hadn’t changed, but my spirit was renewed and my joy restored.

Hours later, I read with delight Psalm 94:18-19, “When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’ your love, O LORD, supported me.  When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.” Isn’t it just like God to use Josh’s song and His Word to affirm His love and His desire to reflect it off me to those in my life?

What about you?  Has God been speaking to your spirit as you’ve been out this week walking or running in His world?  Have you been refreshed by your obedience that moved you off the couch and forward in your exercise program?  Have you noticed your aches and pains receding? My prayer is that you will feel Jesus’ love supporting you this week, especially in the moments when your feet are slipping and anxiety is great within.

Persevering With You,

Jodi

Coming soon!

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Q: How do you tackle the issue of making sure our children keep a schedule and letting your baby “cry it out” if they just won’t go to sleep even though they ARE tired? My husband and I felt strongly that the “crying out” method was not something we wanted to do, but there comes a point where they need to learn to fall asleep on their own. We don’t want to ignore her cries. Our LORD always answers our cries, and I desire to take my way of parenting from Him. I am just not sure what to do.

A: First of all, let me stop a minute to highlight a remarkably wise phrase, “I desire to take my way of parenting from Him.” What wisdom! Now as you open the Scriptures, every single passage and verse and principle will apply to the way you and your husband guide your child into maturity. Since the Bible is vague about specifics (such as sleep training), you will need to reach into what the Word teaches about how God relates to us in learning to relate to your child wisely.

That said, I need to correct a misperception, one I have heard often in response to this idea of allowing a child to cry.

God does not always answer our cries- at least not in a way we can hear and feel and understand.

What better example of this than Jesus’ last moment on the Cross? God’s own Son cried out in despair,

“My God, my God why hast Thou forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46, Mark 15:34)

There is no explaining this gut-wrenching anguish away. Jesus felt abandoned.

God did not reach down and rescue Him, nor did He relieve His pain. In that pivotal  moment in time, God chose to step back and watch.

Why?

To understand this, we have to turn to Psalm 22.  Jesus was quoting this “Cry of Anguish and Son of Praise” as He submitted Himself to the agony of the cross.

“My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me? Far from my deliverance are the words of my groaning. O my God, I cry by day, but Thou dost not answer; and by night, but I have no rest.”

Do you see what Jesus was saying? Sometimes God is silent. Agonizingly so. But read on, there is always a reason for His silence.

“Yet Thou art holy, O Thou who art enthroned upon the praises of Israel. In Thee our fathers trusted; they trusted, and Thou didst deliver them. They cried out, and were delivered; in Thee they trusted and were not disappointed.”

Here’s what we can learn from the way the Father dealt with His Son: when God does not give us what we want, we can and must trust Him to care for us as He believes best.

After listening to hundreds and hundreds of hurting women over more than three decades in ministry, I have come to believe that the person most likely to grow into beauty by trails, is the one who understands that her sole “work” is to entrust her life to Jesus’ loving care- even when it hurts.

We mothers have a unique opportunity to carve this concept deep into our children’s hearts as we live out the loving care our Father gives us.

And that, is a very long way of explaining why I do believe that sometimes a mother’s most loving act is to watch from a distance while her child cries out his frustration at having to go to sleep when he really doesn’t want to.

Every one of my four children had to learn this lesson in infancy. But like the Father, I was always there, hovering close, listening to the tone of their cries, timing the duration, sometimes coming in to pat his back and gently insist that he go to sleep. And when the sobs went on too long, I would go in and rock and sing to him until he could settle into exhausted slumber.

A little practical advice:

1. The earlier the better. Once a child is mobile enough to sit up in the crib, grab onto the bars, and stand screaming for relief, there is hardly a mother alive who is going to be able to outlast him.
2. Do everything you can to establish a strict routine around bedtime and nap time. Turn off any t.v., read a story, rock him while you sing the same song (we about wore out Amazing Grace- it’s the perfect tempo for a rocking chair). Many children just need a lot of help winding down.
3. Pick up any messes in his room. Some children need visual peace before they can settle down to sleep.
4. Choose a soft blanket that is used only for bedtime. Don’t let him carry it around while he is playing. This becomes another signal to the child’s heart and mind that sleep is good and comforting and welcome.
5. Be aware that this too shall pass. Don’t give in too easily. Every child seems to go through periods of resisting sleep. Your job is to decide for him if he physically and mentally needs the rest. That is not his decision to make.

Over time, your child will learn to trust you. He will know that you are always there for him, but not at his beck and call. He will respect your authority in his life. As inconsequential as naptime may seem on the surface, I believe it is one of your first opportunities to train your child to someday submit his will to God. The writer of Psalm 22 seemed to understand this:

“Yet Thou art He who didst bring me forth from the womb; Thou didst make me trust when upon my mother’s breasts. Upon Thee I was cast from birth; though has been my God from my mother’s womb.” Psalm 22:9,10

From my heart,

Diane

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“And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus.

But seeing the wind, he became afraid,

and beginning to sink, he cried out, saying,

Lord, save me!”

Matthew 14:29,30

Peter was this really gutsy guy.  Brave, bold, the first one to try anything. And those very qualities he was so proud of sometimes got him into trouble.

There was one time when he was really scared. Of course, he wouldn’t have admitted it for the world. A ferocious storm had come up and the boat he was in was “tormented by the waves, for the wind was contrary.” Can’t you see those twelve macho fishermen huddled in the bottom of the boat?  Looking up, they spotted what they were sure was a ghost coming to get them. Everyone, including Peter, started crying.

Contrary winds will do that to you.

As soon as He saw what was going on, Jesus, who was walking along on those crazy waves, spoke to them, saying,

Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.

Then Peter did the strangest thing.  He challenged Jesus to order him to walk on water.“Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.”

And He did. With just a simple word, Come.

So Peter clambered out of that boat right into those contrary wind driven waves.

So bold. So brave. So stupid.

He’d gotten himself into a real predicament now and he knew it.  Here he was, in the middle a massive storm, battered by the wind, and the boat with the rest of his compadres drifting way behind him.

“He became afraid.”

Stark raving terror.

Have you been there? On those waves, surrounded by out-of-control panic, sinking fast?

I’ll bet you did exactly what Peter did. I’ll bet you prayed.

“Lord, save me!”

Big, invincible, self-sufficient, got-it-all-together, me.  Short and sweet.

"Help!"

And He did. Jesus just stretched out His big beautiful hand and took hold of poor Peter before he had so much as a chance to get water up his nostrils. He gave the guy a good talking to right there out on the water. “Oh you of little faith, why do you doubt?” Then He lifted a now considerably humbled fisherman into the boat and the wind stopped.

Wow. That’s a story.

Do you have a story like that of your own? Has Jesus ever reached out His big, beautiful, powerful hand to you and rescued you right then and there from something really bad? Like sinking deep into something contrary and terrifying that was all your own fault?

Will you write it down?  Send it in? Let us all know how really great God is?

‘Cuz sometimes we just need to remember how big He is when those winds take us for a ride.

From my heart,

Diane

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“Abba, Father, everything is possible for You.

Please take this cup of suffering away from me.

Yet I want Your will

Not mine.”

Mark 14:36

NLT

The Meaning of His Name:

Father Knows Best. Those words lit up the television screens around the nation when I was a little girl.  Right there, in black and white, we sat transfixed as a bold and benevolent Robert Young proceeded to solve every problem and fix anything broken in everybody’s life. Lovely.

And a terrible lie.

For in every decade since, sons and daughters have watched as their dads disintegrated. Families fell apart as this figure who was supposed to have all the answers chased fleeting dreams and failed to love faithfully. Caving in to passivity and pornography and selfishness and stupidity, fathers have become the butt of jokes.  Horrible.

And another lie.

We have a real Father. He invites us to call Him Abba, that intimate first name that bubbles out of a baby’s mouth.  This is the name Jesus cried in the garden as He agonized over the path that lay before Him.

“Abba, Father, everything and anything is possible with You.

Won’t you rescue me from this reality?

Ah, but its not my way that matters- I’m all Yours.”[1]

This is the name that tucks us in as we go to sleep each night.  With soft words and assurances of His care, we sleep easy with a Father watching over our lives— fending off nightmares and pouring out peace.

This is the name we snuggle into when all the chaos of our relationships threatened to yank us from His heart.  When people hurt us and life feels threatening, we have a great lap to climb into where His steady heartbeat assures us that we are never, ever alone.

Just as Jesus did, we cry this name when we are afraid, when we dread what we must do, when no one else understands.

When we crave a Father who knows best.

This is the name God gives Himself just for us, for He is…Abba, Father.

And that’s the beautiful truth.

From my heart,

Diane

Mark 14:36

Luke 15

Matthew 6:9-13

Luke 11:1-4

A rich idea for study:

In Jesus’ story as told by John, He uses this name, Father, 156 times.  Look each of these instances up using a concordance.  You’ll find treasures there as you delve into the intimate relationship between the Father and His Son.

---

[1] My paraphrase of Jesus’ words in Mark 14:36

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Becky is my friend. Sometimes I call her my best friend, but then I stammer and back away and try to explain how that could be when, after all, I hardly ever see her. Don’t best friends hang out all the time? Invade each other’s houses for a laugh and a cup of tea and just some time?

We don’t do that. Ever. Well, hardly ever.

The last time Becky came over was months and months ago and I haven’t been by her house in at least a year… and she lives not more than 6 or 7 miles from me.

Best friends?

I’m not even sure if her number is in my cell phone anymore. She changed hers a while ago and I never took the time to relabel the digits with her name. But that’s okay because we hardly ever call.

I got her a Christmas present this year but she forgot but that’s okay because last year I forgot and she remembered. Christmas is weeks and weeks gone by but her present still sits, all wrapped pretty, perched inside my cupboard as if to say, “Let’s go to Becky’s!”

Someday I will.

Like I said, Becky is my best friend. She knows my insides and lets me be who I really am right now. No changes, nothing more than I seem to be and yet a whole lot more than I wish I was.

How does she do that?

Well, we talk a lot, but not out loud. Back and forth with words on screens across the silence. An endless conversation with long pauses in between to ponder and to live, to think and to pray. I spill my heart and she takes it in, dares to let me see hers all unfettered, without guards or walls. We dream, each in our own world, and share our dreams with no one else.

I wish I’d saved them, all these words.

We met, Becky and I, through a friend who saw us both. Sitting by a pool in that sun-splashed land we talked. Kids and loves, books and men, treasures shared. Me straining hard to hear, she struggling hard to say and somehow hearts spoke and spirits heard and we became friends.

Then I had the surgery and my hearing got better and my world bigger.

And Becky got sicker. Some strange diagnosis nobody understands with stranger still ideas of what to do and when it might stop. Her world shrank small.

But we stayed friends. Real friends. Best friends.

There’s just something about Becky, something uncluttered, something safe. She doesn’t need me, you see, not like I need her. She drinks in beauty and gives it away. Opening my eyes to her unhurried world of books and birds and rose bushes she cannot prune… and hope.

This girl is filled with hope.

Just last week the family van broke and got hauled away to wherever vans go when they die. Instead of wailing and praying and bemoaning her bad luck, Becky laughed. She took pictures and wrote memories and brought her kids into the van-goes-to-junkyard party. She let me come too. I’m still laughing at the hilarity of a woman who celebrates such a thing. A woman who creates beauty from what no one else sees the same. That’s Becky.

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And I want to be like her. I want to be free to let go of all I want, to delight in where I am. Now, today.

More than anything, I want her take on God.

He’s everything to Becky. Her provider and her peace, her joy every single day. He’s the reason she doesn’t weep as her van is hauled away with nothing to replace it. He’s the reason she writes her words of hope and real-honest-to-goodness happiness. And I think, really, He’s the reason she’s willing to be best friends with a woman (me!) who rarely gives her a moment of her day.

Becky is one of those rare and lovely women who actually, really believe that God is good and that in His goodness she can relax and rest and trust and delight even when everything all around her goes bad.

That’s Becky. My best friend.

From my heart,

Diane

Is there someone in your life who exemplifies a quality you long for?

When Jodi Hughes, Ministry to Women Coordinator at Solid Rock, turned 59 in July 2009 she immediately started thinking about turning 60 the next year.  To celebrate this milestone birthday, she wanted to tackle a challenge she’d never done before.  Jodi had cheered her daughter, Anne, on at many races and was amazed by the different shapes, sizes and ages of the athletes out on the course.  She saw some old, overweight ladies crossing the finish line and thought, “How on earth are they doing that?  On second thought, why couldn’t I?”  Jodi decided to shoot for the moon and walk a half marathon (13.1 miles). A self-described non-athlete, Jodi began her journey overweight with yet-to-be diagnosed health issues.  She told no one about her plan when she secretly started walking.  Her first walk was fifteen slow-and-steady minutes.  It went better than she expected and she gained some confidence.  Over time she slowly increased the amount of minutes she was walking.

In October 2009 she swore Anne to secrecy and disclosed her plan to walk a half marathon.  They chose a June 2010 half marathon, immediately booked a vacation house, and registered Jodi for the race.  Jodi also told a close friend about the race and they began training together.  Their walks became an avenue to expand their friendship, get healthy, and stay accountable to their goals.

When she didn’t walk with her friend, Jodi walked with God. Walking became a mental resting time for Jodi, her moments of Sabbath in a busy day.  It was her time to take a collective deep breath, soak in the scenery, and let God minister to her heart.

Then January 2010 came.  The winter weather made it tough to get outside and the frequency of Jodi’s walks began to taper.  It didn’t help that Jodi was feeling really awful.  She attributed it to getting older and had no idea that in reality she was very sick.  Jodi’s vision was blurry; her leg was numb.  She suffered from debilitating headaches and sleep deprivation.  Always a cool, calm administrator, she began to feel like she was losing her focus.   Jodi decided to go to the doctor for a physical but neglected to schedule the required follow-up appointment.

By April 2010 she was at the end of herself.  “Body, soul and spirit – everything tanked.” She broke down in front of a friend and then prayed, “Lord, if you want me to go back to the doctor make it obvious.” The very next day she listened in shock as her doctor ran down the laundry list of all that was wrong with her broken body.  “High blood pressure, high cholesterol, triglycerides that were out of whack, type two diabetes and blood sugar levels that were closing in on emergent.”

(Jodi and her granddaughter, Olivia - December  2009)

Jodi’s diagnosis terrified her.  Head reeling, she knew things had to change. Her options were to manage her diabetes with high doses of medications that had crippling side effects, or manage her diabetes with lower doses of medications, exercise and a healthy diet.   Jodi opted against letting the meds rule her life and set out to change her lifestyle.

The first thing Jodi tackled was her eating habits.  Her pre-diagnosis modus operandi was to forget to eat all day and carb up at night, consuming foods that comforted both her appetite and her emotions.  Jodi kicked comfort eating to the curb and said “no” to any and all diet plans. She learned her daily caloric intake and began fueling her body with the right kinds of foods by embracing a balanced eating program.  She ate three healthy meals and two snacks a day, switched her breads to whole wheat, and fell in love with veggies.

Jodi started walking again, this time twice a day for 30-minute intervals.  She never did “anything over-the-top or knocked herself out” with her exercise routine.  She set goals that were comfortable for her and committed to making her walks non-negotiable.

As she got better, Jodi realized just how sick she had been and how much better she felt each day.  She had renewed physical and mental energy to enjoy her walks and push herself toward her half marathon goal.  The extra weight she carried began to melt away and within months she lost 50 pounds!

(Jodi and her granddaughter, Olivia - December  2010)

Jodi learned to manage her diabetes while she exercised and put this knowledge to good use on June 26, 2010, when she walked an entire half marathon, finishing the course one minute ahead of her goal time.  Way to go Jodi!

(Jodi and Anne after the 1/2 marathon in Sunriver)

(Jodi's Family: Aylssa, Anne and Olivia)

I asked Jodi what her biggest fitness challenge is.  She surprised me by saying, “I’m in it right now.  It is a challenge to switch from dramatic crisis exercise goals to exercising strictly because I’m Not My Own.  I want to exercise as an act of worship and have that vision be the motivation that holds me to the lifestyle changes I’ve made.”

When I asked Jodi how she’s overcoming this challenge, she got really passionate.  “The only way I’ve found to overcome this is to intentionally choose to obey.  I’ve been meditating on the truth that either Jesus is my Master or sin is my master.  There is no gray area. When I disobey, I allow sin to reign in my life.  When I obey by exercising, I am willingly making myself a slave to God.”

Jodi offered this encouragement to women facing large health hurdles and weight loss challenges.

• Just start. Choose an attainable goal and stick with it.
• You don’t have to run. You can walk your way to good health.
• Go to Jesus instead of food. This goes back to the question of who is your master - sin or Jesus?

Jodi chose to let Jesus be her Master.  She chose to move forward one step at a time.  She plans to walk the 10k on June 11^th and wants to know who will be joining her.  Galatians 5:25 says,  “Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” Won’t you tie on your walking shoes, start moving forward, and keep in step with the Spirit?

Persevering With You,

Jodi

A few more things:

• Jodi Hughes would like to invite you to walk with her this Tuesday morning at 8:30am. If you would like to join her, meet her under the Bethany Village sign 4756 NW Bethany Blvd at 8:15am. If you would like more information, please contact us at hespeaks@ajesuschurch.org.
• We have created a group on Facebook called Not Your Own. Join and start connecting and training with other women from Solid Rock. Click here to join.
• Check out the Toolbox icon to the right of the page for links to training schedules, workouts, gear, etc.
• Don't forget to click the Join Us icon and let us know you are on board!

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Q: I have a daughter who screams in the car. It is so loud that it physically affects everyone in the car. How can I effectively handle this? Waiting until we drive home is too long to listen to the screaming, but pulling over every 30 seconds is not always an option.

A: I am going to make the assumption that this is child is not a baby, but a child who knows better than to scream at the top of her lungs every time she gets in the car.

First off, you need to ask yourself why your child is screaming.

• Is she carsick?
• Is she bored?
• Have you had her strapped in her car seat for way too long, cramming just a few more errands into an already too long day?

If these are the reasons for her screaming, then distraction may be your wisest course of action. Music, books on tape, special toys just for the cars, a bag of healthy munchies, and a bottle of water usually work wonders to distract a child who simply cannot understand why she has to sit still and be quiet for such a long time.

Or is you sweet little sunshine just madder than a hornet that you’re making her do something she doesn’t want to be doing right now?

One thing you absolutely cannot continue to do is to ignore her behavior. Her screaming is disrespectful of others in the car with her and disobedient to your authority. Either one of those must be dealt with firmly and consistently. If, after having spoken calmly with her and directing her in what she can and cannot do while in the car, she still screams, then it is time for a well measured spanking. Usually waiting until you get home is best. That gives everyone time to think and pray and calm down enough to administer the discipline safely. But you’re going to have to be consistent. Some children will test you again and again on this.

Remember why you’re doing this, mothers- because you are helping your child become a lovely, self-controlled person whose dignity and beauty give grace to everyone in every circumstance.

She’s well worth the trouble!

From my heart,

Diane

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